Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have much to be thankful for, but I can't help feeling a little sadness as well. It is another major holiday without Ryan. And while it is not the first Thanksgiving without Ryan, there are some "firsts" to it that bring about a whole new round of grief.

It was always our tradition to spend one year with my family and one year with Ryan's family (and then switch for Christmas). The last Thanksgiving (2007) that Ryan was alive we enjoyed our day with my mom's side of the family. We spent the afternoon and evening gathered together in a church gym eating, watching football (Ryan, not me), chatting with family we don't get to see often enough, looking through Black Friday ads, playing games, watching the kids run with their cousins, and of course eating some more.

This year, we are back with my mom's side of the family (last year was my dad's side because my parents "switch" too). It is the first Thanksgiving that I will spend with my mom's family without Ryan in 8 years. It makes me sad to know that I will not be able to look across the room to see him watching football with my cousins with Wyatt sitting in his lap, or hear him laugh about something someone said, or look through Black Friday ads together deciding if we are still crazy enough to fight the crowds to get what we want for Lily and Wyatt for Christmas.

Yet even on a day filled with some sadness, I have much to be thankful for:

• a God who loves me and provides for me.
• a deeper faith.
• two wonderful children who fill my day with laughter, hugs, kisses, and "I love you, Mommy."
• parents who love us and are willing to help with anything.
• family who has supported us for the last 17+ months.
• friends who continue to overwhelm me with their thoughtfulness and love, as well as make me laugh often.
• a babysitter for my children who has become a wonderful friend.
• a church family who amazes me with their acts of service on a regular basis.
• a beautiful house that has become our home.
• health -- for all three of us.
• financial security during difficult economic times.
• the ability to be a stay-at-home-mom.

I really am so blessed!