God's Ways

UPDATED: SEE BOTTOM OF POST

God's ways are not my ways -- His ways are infinitely better than any thing I could ever ask or imagine.

Due to Ryan's cystic fibrosis we had to use the IVF process to get pregnant -- a decision that blessed our lives richly with Lily and Wyatt. We began that process 5 years ago and there were several embryos created. It took us two tries to get pregnant using 7 embryos (I think) and we were left with 7 more embryos that have been frozen ever since.

During Ryan's hospital stay at U of M, we talked about the possibility of trying to get pregnant again after he got his new lungs. We both enjoyed being parents and the thought of having more children was exciting to us -- especially with likely hood of Ryan having more energy and the ability to be an even more hands-on dad.

But, God's ways are not our ways and things did not end up as we had hoped or dreamed.

Along with facing the loss of my husband and the new role as an only parent, I was also facing a big decision about what to do with my 7 unborn children. I LOVE being a mom, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would love to have more children, but for me I knew that trying to have more children on my own was not what God would have me to do.

According to the fertility clinic that my embryos were stored at I had 4 options:

1. Destroy the embryos (so NOT an option for me! Life begins at conception, I wanted no part of destroying 7 lives).
2. Donating the embryos for scientific research (also NOT an option for me!)
3. Donating the embryos to another infertile couple.
4. Going through the IVF process again myself.

When looking at the list, I knew that I really had only one option -- thankfully it was an option that Ryan and I had discussed so I knew that I had his blessing in this decision. I knew that I needed to give these unborn babies a chance at life through donating them to another couple. I looked into a few options for donating the embryos, but never felt that they were completely right for me. Many of the options were very costly for the adopting family and I didn't want any family to have to feel a financial burden through adopting these babies.

This is where God's ways really start to amaze me! Through my blog I met a friend who wanted to add to her family. She was going through infertility treatments and had found embryo adoption. When she became pregnant through embryo adoption she started posting about it on her blog and there was a night last November I commented on her blog about being "on the other side." My comment was read by another of her blog readers -- she and her husband were just beginning to look into embryo adoption with the hopes of increasing the number of children in their family. She tried to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit to contact me, but after a few hours and some time spent reading my blog, she decided that she would email me.

This wonderful, godly woman shared with me a little about her family. She and her husband had children, but they felt called to have more children and they were open to adoption (both traditional and embryo). She shared with me about her experience with grief -- a connection that I could relate to in so many ways. She was wondering if my embryos might be a possibility for her family. (I am sure that sounds crazy to many of you, but I thought that it just might be the possibility I was hoping for.) We both agreed to pray about it, seek godly counsel, and contact one another again in a week.

All doors seemed to be opening. She and her family shared many of my beliefs from their thoughts on when life begins to how salvation is reached -- both tremendously important things in my life. She shared with me her heart for her family, the methods they use for discipline, and the way they incorporate Christ in their daily lives. I was so blessed to see that we lined up in all these things -- honestly, it was such a God-thing!

As time went on, we were moving forward with the process, but there were some (really good, but difficult) things that came up in their lives that complicated the matter. We had to decide to put this on hold or call it all off for the time being. I was disappointed. I had really felt like this family was an answer to my prayers for my unborn children. She and I stayed in contact with one another through emails and our blogs -- they are all so wonderful!

As the 2 year anniversary of Ryan's death came nearer, I really felt the need to move forward with donating the embryos. I was not sure what exactly I was going to do, so I decided to contact this woman one more time. In my email I told her there was no pressure for them, but I personally needed to move forward in this process. I asked her and her husband to pray about it and get back to me. If they were not in a place to do the adoption that would have been fine, God would have provided another godly couple to raise these children.

After a few weeks, she contacted me and told me that they would like to adopt all 7 of my embryos and a whirlwind began. There have been legal contracts, blood draws, and trips across the country to give these children a chance at life! All of the embryos were thawed to see how they would do -- 3 survived, 4 did not. 3 were implanted -- and through God's amazing ways this wonderful family is expecting a new baby in their family!

There have been difficult moments along this journey. There has been a whole new chapter of grief as I have had to give up my dream of being a mom again. But there has been an amazing peace through this whole process as well. God's ways are not my ways -- they are more than I could ever ask or imagine.

THE ADOPTING FAMILY HAD THEIR ULTRASOUND TODAY -- THERE IS ONE LITTLE LIFE THRIVING! PRAISE GOD FOR THIS WONDERFUL BLESSING!