9 Months

My mind is disorganized as I write this post, but I wanted to share some of what is on my heart today.

Today marks 9 months, 9 MONTHS, since Ryan's death. I look back and think how is that possible. It still, at times, seems like it was only last week that we were at the University of Michigan laughing together, walking the unit to meet his daily requirements, waiting for new lungs... At other times, it honestly seems like it has been years since I have seen Ryan or talked with him.

I have been in a reflective mood over the last week. I cannot help but praise God for all that he has done for me, for us. I am not just talking about our new house or our financial stability in these difficult times. I am talking about the overwhelming sense of peace, contentment, and hope that God has given to me. It is unexplainable. It should not be possible. But, it is because of the love my God has for me! He is so GOOD! I feel so blessed by his love for me.

I wrote a few weeks ago about a sermon at church on contentment. Contentment is something that I have struggled with my entire life. I want to share some of the points of that sermon and what they made me think about my life.

The sermon was titled: The Secrets of Being Content. Our pastor began by talking about God's providence: how He orchestrates the events of my life. He then said that contentment comes when I recognize God's providence. Intriguing...

Here are the 6 secrets that he gave from Paul in the book of Philippians (4:10-13)
1. God knows what is best for ME!: I am so glad that he does; if I have received in my life all that I thought I should have, I would not be where I am today.
2. God cares deeply about me and my struggles: I am not in this alone!
3. God's timing is always right on schedule: wow, as I think about this one and how it applies to my life with Ryan, it is not always easy to understand. I trust it and I believe it. I know that God ordained the days of Ryan's life. I know that God has things for me on this earth even though Ryan's work was done...
4. God's favor doesn't always mean abundance.
5. The tougher the struggle, the greater the growth: This point is ME! This has been a difficult 9 months, a difficult year. I know that through my struggles, God has allowed me to grow in ways that never would have happened if I didn't face these challenges.
6. God has provided me with the strength to get through: so true! without God I would not have made it through this year!

The only thing I can say is GOD IS GOOD!