Life Update

I am not even sure where to begin tonight. I think I have a lot to say, but I am just not quite sure how to get my thoughts out into words on the screen.

Life has been busy with all of the construction on the house. They finished up the last little bit of odds and ends yesterday and everything looks terrific. I really appreciate my brother-in-law and the guys that he works with. They did a great job on the house and they were patient with Lily and Wyatt always being underfoot asking a hundred questions. The first thing Wyatt asked me this morning was if the workers were here yet. I will not miss the noise and mess, but I might just miss the entertainment they provided for Lily and Wyatt. The busyness of the construction was also a nice distraction from "real" life.

I must admit that I wish the loneliness aspect of grief would take its leave. It continues to be a frequent battle for me. From about 4:00 on each day, it starts rearing its ugly head, reminding me that Ryan will not be walking in the door in an hour. Dinner time is hard. I am always at a loss for what to make that is both healthy and not too plentiful. I am constantly Ryan won't be sharing a meal with us and he won't be excited to be taking leftovers to work the next day (and leftovers of the same meal for an entire week is just not that great!). Then there is the whole bedtime routine when it would be so nice to have an extra set of hands!

I am trying to press on. I am trying to keep moving forward in life, but I feel like I am stuck in a rut. There are days when I feel really down and overly emotional. There are days when I am just ready to be done. But there is no "done" button in life. So for Lily and Wyatt, I keep going. I will keep getting out of bed each morning to fulfill the purpose God has for my life. I will keep asking God for the strength to get through each day. I will keep trusting in His promises and the HOPE that He alone can give, because, to be honest, without God's help I would not make it through many days!