So much changes in 18 months:
When Ryan died, Lily and Wyatt were 2 years, 2 months, and 3 days old; today they are 3 years, 8 months, and 3 days old.
When Ryan died, Lily and Wyatt were wearing diapers; now they are potty trained.
When Ryan died, Lily and Wyatt were too young to play outside without me; today, I bundled them up and sent them into the backyard to explore and play independently in the snow.
When Ryan died, Lily and Wyatt depended on me to get them up out of their cribs each morning; now they sleep in big kid beds, they wake up and search for me each morning.
When Ryan died, Lily and Wyatt needed me to get them dressed from head to toe each day; now they are choosing their clothes and getting themselves dressed most of the way.
It is so hard for me to believe that it has been 18 months since Ryan died. It continues to seem like it was only a month ago and years ago all at the same time. While there are parts of life that definitely seem to be getting easier, there are still days when I am not sure how to keep pressing on. I am tired: mentally, emotionally, and physically. Tired of parenting by myself. Tired of making all of the decisions. Tired of the ever-present loneliness.
Today I am seeking God for strength, for patience, for joy, and for hope -- to get me through today, to get me through the next 18 months, just as He has done each and every day of the last 18 months.
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4 comments:
Kristin,
Once again you have beautifully put words to some things many people do not understand. Your gifts in communicating this struggle are being used of God. That doesn't make your days any easier but there is purpose in your times of pain.
Your heart is tenderly held in the hands of the God who knows what the next 18 months hold for you. Hope in Him. Trust His plans to make provision for your needs...mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. The entire package.
I'm reaching back to you from a place farther ahead on this journey to say...you are doing a great job in His strength. Keep focused on what matters...
You are loved!
Kristin,
Laura beautifully said everything I was thinking while reading your post!!!
Clearly I cannot do anything to take away the pain and heartache - but please know that we are praying for you. Today we will be lifting you, and your precious children up to our Heavenly Father - trusting fully in Him to give you comfort and peace - to get through another day.
I love you dear friend. You are doing better than you might even imagine!
God bless you hun!!
Kelly
Praying for you. You are seeking in the right place and I trust in His faithfulness to answer you and provide your needs each and every day.
amen. thanks for your honesty. God is so honored by the way you are parenting Lily and Wyatt. I hope Ryan can see what a tremendous job you are doing to keep his legacy and memory growing. love you.
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