The tree has been up for over a month. The presents are wrapped (some are even assembled to make for an more pleasant Christmas morning). Treats have been made. Plans have been worked out. Everything is all set to have a Merry Christmas.
But "everything" is not quite accurate. My heart doesn't feel "all set" to have Christmas. In a way I am dreading Christmas morning, the time when the kids and I will open our presents together. Without Ryan, it felt like something was missing last year and it feels like something is missing again this year. I can hear in my head his laughter at the kids playing with their new toys. I know he would be right there on the floor playing with Wyatt's new farm and Lily's new baby nursery. In fact, He would probably be more excited than Lily and Wyatt were about Christmas morning!
I know that there is nothing I can do to change the fact that Ryan is not here. And even if there were, I would never want him to have to leave heaven to come back to this earth where he suffered so much. It is just that Christmas is a family time and that just makes me miss him even more.
I am trying to focus this year on the real reason for Christmas: Christ. I think of Mary and how she anticipated the birth of her son. This Christmas, my heart is anticipating Christ too. It is anticipating the day when Christ will return and I will get to be with my Savior in heaven. What a celebration of Christ that will be!
2 comments:
Praying for you this week.
Oh how I can relate to your heart right now Kristin...
Last night, as I was alone, I broke down and cried. Oh how I wish my Libby could be here with us for Christmas this year. We never got that chance..so I am left wondering what she would have thought about Christmas..Wondering if she would like the dazzling lights, the music, the toys? But then I am reminded - she has the best part of Christmas..she has Jesus! It is not easy to be seperated from our loved ones, especially during the holidays - thankfully this seperation will come to an end eventually, and we will be blessed to spend eternity with them and our Maker!
I simply cannot imagine how much your heart aches for your sweet husband..the memories that flash through you mind must be incredible and yet so bittersweet at the same time. Please know we will be lifting you up in prayer - especially tomorrow morning!
Love and hugs dear friend...Love and hugs!
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