In Need of a Miracle

We need our miracle -- NOW!

If yesterday was a hard day, I don't even know how to describe today. I woke up hopeful after a good night of sleep, but walked into Ryan's hospital room to find him breathing at 100% oxygen. I immediately felt overwhelmed, helpless, and very alone. I tried to take it all in, but I knew that things were not good if his oxygen was that high. I called his parents to let them know where he was at for the day; it was two tearful conversations. The reason his oxygen was so high was because they were adjusting his vent settings. His PEEP was and is down to 8, but he did not handle that well so they had to bump him up to 100% to help him. They also have him extremely heavily sedated so that his body can rest.

The nurse coordinator, Noel, came in to talk with me and see how I was doing. He told me that they were again adjusting his antibiotics, restarting a nebulized medicine that they were doing last week, and going to try starting Ryan on some steroids. He told me that the doctors wanted to see how Ryan did with those changes, but that I should plan on a meeting with the doctors sometime on Wednesday so that we can reassess the situation and make any necessary decisions.

Over the course of the day Ryan's oxygen needs did come down slowly (5% at a time) to 75% when I left. He seemed to tolerate the changes okay and his fever was also down tonight. The doctor did come in and talk with me around 7 tonight. I was very hopeful, but he still didn't seem overly optimistic. Their biggest concern right now is the fact that when lungs need this high amount of oxygen for long periods of time it becomes increasingly difficult to reverse the effects.

To be completely honest, I hate writing this right now! I don't want to think about it. I want to scream and cry and tell God that this is not fair! I am scared, overwhelmed, exhausted... I love my husband so much and I just wish that I could give him one of my lungs, I wish that there was something that I could do that would change things. I did tell one of the residents today, "No offense, but God can do things that you cannot." He agreed.

Ryan's dad and brother arrived in Ann Arbor around dinner time. His mom, Amanda and Mark will be arriving sometime tomorrow morning. My mom and dad will be arriving tomorrow afternoon and more of Ryan's relatives will be coming in tomorrow night.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PRAY FOR A MIRACLE! PRAY FOR THE DOCTORS TO HAVE WISDOM AND TO SEE THINGS MORE CLEARLY! PRAY FOR WISDOM FOR MYSELF AND OUR FAMILY!