it wasn't meant to be this way

I have been struggling on so many levels lately.

The lonliness of the being a widow and single mom is still overwhelming.

I am constantly searching for what God has in store for me. In some ways, I feel like life has been at a stand still since Ryan died. I want to move forward in God's plan for me, but I don't know where forward is or what it looks like.

I am weary. The daily routines are wearing me down. Being consistent in discipline and intentional with my children is tiring.

I am also struggling with issues that others are having to face. There seems to be so much hurt and pain happening all around me over the past few weeks. Family and friends have had to hear difficult news and seek God's strength, peace, and wisdom. The world has watched as Haiti has faced devastation from major earthquakes with thousands feared dead.

As I hear about these tragedies and as I continue to face life as a widow and single mom, I can't help but think about how life wasn't meant to be this way. Sin has entered this world and because of it we all face sadness, sickness, natural disasters, struggles, and death. I am reminded that this world is not my home -- I am desperately longing for Jesus' return.

crafting a way to organize kids' art

We have been working on a lot of craft projects (i.e. painting, coloring, collages) here at home and I never know what to do with them all. I can only handle so many pictures stuck to the refrigerator and I feel (somewhat) guilty throwing away all their hard work.

My sister has cute clothes lines in her kids rooms to display their art work, but when I asked her where she got the cute clothes pins she named a store that is several hours away (not to mention the fact that she bought them several years ago). My friend, Erin, is very crafty and she showed me a project she was working on from here.

I combined the two ideas and came up with:

Items needed:
clothes pins
scrapbooking paper
mod podge
brush
exacto knife
craft string
nails/push pins

Directions:
1. cut scrapbooking paper to down so it is close in size
2. brush mod podge onto clothes pin
3. press paper onto clothes pin
4. brush paper with mod podge
5. allow to dry
6. cut off excess with exacto knife (upside down on cutable surface)
7. hang craft string on wall (nails or push pins)
8. clip up priceless works of art created by priceless kiddos! :)

** Please note: I did not receive payment for mentioning mod podge, exacto or ashleyannphotography for this post or the use of their products and ideas.

Great Strides

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about participating in the 2010 Great Strides for cystic fibrosis. I would be doing the walk on Saturday, May 15 in downtown Grand Rapids if anyone is interested in joining me (you can check the link below for walk locations near you).

Great Strides is a huge fundraising event for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. They are making great progress in finding a cure for CF and I would love to be able to support them as they support other families battling this terrible disease.

Several years ago (2005 I think), I started the team "Sweeney's Striders." The next year the kids were here and life has been crazy ever since! I want to make time to walk this year. Please let me know if you are interested in joining me this year.

http://www.cff.org/great_strides/

Singing with Bob and Larry

** Remember to turn off the music on the blog.

a message of hope...

**remember to turn the music off on the side of the blog.

Candid Moments...

All of these pictures were taken by my friend, Nikki. She is starting up as a photographer and she came over to set-up/check the lighting in the house in preparation for the pictures she will bravely be taking here on Saturday (she is taking pictures of all 8 grand kids as part of a Christmas gift for my parents). I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the picture of the three of us (the one in our header). Thanks, Nikki! Can't wait to see how the ones on Saturday turn out.

Looking Back

Since I wrote my post reviewing 2009, I have also been thinking about the past decade. So much has changed in the last 10 years and I thought it might be interesting to highlight some of the major events that have occurred in that time.

• 2000: Finished my junior year of college and began my senior year at Trinity Christian College in Palos Heights, IL. I worked at Steelcase for the last time as summer help. I had knee surgery in December.
• 2001: I did my student teaching at Southwest Chicago Christian School -- Tinley Park (6th grade) and Chicago Ridge Public School (4th grade). I graduated college with a B.A. in elementary education. I spent the summer back in Michigan working at Gap and babysitting before moving to Illinois. I began working at Westminster Christian School (WCS) teaching 7th and 8th grade math, 8th grade bible, and a computer elective. I also met Ryan.
• 2002: Ryan and I began dating on February 14. We were engaged in June. Ryan went into the hospital for the first time while we were together. We began wedding planning. I continued teaching at WCS.
• 2003: Ryan and I bought a townhouse in Lake In The Hills, IL. We got married on July 5 and went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. I continued working at WCS and Ryan worked at Precision Twist Drill.
• 2004: Ryan began working at Ameriprise as a financial planner. We flew to Connecticut for his best friend's wedding. We had a puppy for 6 weeks. :)
• 2005: Ryan had a major CF crash in April that lead to us beginning transplant evaluation at University of Wisconsin -- Madison. We began pursuing IVF. We found out that we were pregnant with twins in September -- YAY!
• 2006: I went on maternity leave and Ryan lost his job at the end of March. Lily and Wyatt were born on April 3 (33 6/7 wks). Ryan worked part time through the summer in Illinois. He found a job in Grand Rapids, MI. We moved to Michigan in September and lived with my parents. We sold our townhouse the last week of December.
• 2007: We started renting a townhouse. We enjoyed watching Lily and Wyatt grow. Ryan's health began to take a turn for the worse at the end of the year. We again began pursuing a lung transplant, this time at U of M.
• 2008: Ryan finished his lung transplant evaluation and was listed on March 17. He went into the ICU on March 23 and was never able to return home. Ryan went to heaven on June 6 after 10 1/2 weeks in the ICU. God became my source of strength during the most difficult time of my life.
• 2009: I bought a home for Lily, Wyatt, and myself. We took a trip to Disney with my parents. I continued to rely on God...

It is so great to reflect on where I have come from. When the last decade started I was far from being the person that I am today. I made choices based on what I wanted for myself and not on what God wanted for me. He has used the events of the past 10 years to draw me closer and to transform me into who I am today. Some of the things He has used have been fun, happy, joyful things. Some of the things He has used have been difficult, trying, sad things. Through them all I can see God's faithfulness. I can see how He orchestrated situations in my life to show me who He is. I am so thankful for a God who loves me and provides for me. I am thankful that even with an uncertain future, I can KNOW that God will provide for all of my needs and that I am loved!