Trick or Treat x3

Lily and Wyatt got great use out the the M & M costumes my mom made for them. I had decided earlier this fall that Lily would just be her elephant from last year and that I would find something for Wyatt. I changed my mind...I figure that they aren't going to want to dress alike forever, so I would do it while I could. I thought M & M's was a good choice considering how much they love to eat them. Lily chose to be a purple M & M and Wyatt chose orange. Thanks, Mom for making their cute costumes!

Wednesday night we went to Trunk or Treat where my sisters and their families go to church. It was FREEZING outside, but the kids had fun and we got a ton of candy! It was a good way for them to learn about this whole candy and Halloween thing was all about.

Checking out their candy from Trunk or Treating

Thursday afternoon, the three of us headed to 5/3rd for their annual Halloween Parade (the kids of employees go to all the different offices and Trick or Treat). We had gone the previous 2 years because Ryan worked there and last week Saturday they invited us to attend again this year. The kids were spoiled rotten there and got even more candy than they did the night before. Thanks for having us!

Lily is showing Derek (Ryan's boss) all of her candy from the Halloween Parade.

Tonight, we went to my sister's house for pizza and Trick or Treating with all of their cousins. Lily and Wyatt have never gone Trick or Treating before, but they quickly learned the ropes from their cousins. They really enjoyed going, except when there were dogs at the different houses.

The Cousins: Jack 6, Charlie 2, Noah 4, Anna 6, Casey 4, Lily 2, and Wyatt 2

On the way home from my sister's we saw people out on the streets still trick or treating. Lily asked if we could go again and I said we were all done. Wyatt then proceeded to tell her that we would go again tomorrow...I might be in trouble :)

Happy Halloween from my little M & M's

21 Weeks

Today marks 21 weeks since Ryan died. How is that possible? Sometimes it seems like only yesterday. Most days it hurts like it was yesterday -- does the pain ever go away?

Next week will probably be another tough week.

Tuesday is Election Day -- probably one of of Ryan's favorite days! Even on non-presidential years he would stay up late and watch the results come in. I will not be having an election party this year, like we did 4 years ago. I will probably not even stay up late (especially since my favorite show won't be on due to election coverage). I will miss Ryan that day though, I will miss his excitement (and probably his disappointment at the outcome).

Tuesday is also his mom's birthday. I am sure that will be a harder day for her than it is for me, so please pray for her!

Thursday will mark 5 months since Ryan has died. 5 months. That is 1/6th of Lily and Wyatt's life. 1/6th of their life has been lived without their Daddy (not counting all the time he was in the hospital). When they are little that is so huge. I miss Ryan for Lily and Wyatt.

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On a different note, it is Halloween today. I am not a huge Halloween person, but Lily and Wyatt have already been celebrating (2x's) and we will be going Trick or Treating for the first time in their lives. Look for pictures later of my two little "sweeties"!

Blog Award

I received this blog award from Susie at Here Only . I have known her and her family for about 7 years. Her brother, Scott, was Ryan's best friend. Thanks, Susie! As she put it, it is a Portuguese Blog Award for friendship. I am giving to to those who have become friends through Blogland!

"They all are charmed with the blogs, where in the majority of its aims are to show the marvels and to do friendship; there are persons who are not interested when we give them a prize and then they help to cut these bows; do we want that they are cut or that they propagate? Then let’s try to give more attention to them! So with this prize we must deliver it to 8 blogger's that in turn must make the same thing and put this text."

Kori at My Life as a CFers Wife is a wonderful blog friend. She is always encouraging me even though she is facing some very difficult things in her own life.

Kelly at Praise In Spite of Pain is an inspiration to me. She is open about her grief following the death of her daughter. She has encouraged me many, many times in the short time I have "known" her.

Sara at OceanDesert is everything that a CF person should be. She has had a successful transplant and is living life to the full!

Rachel at -little bites of heaven- is my encouragement as a mom of multiples! She is life so gracefully with triplets!

Danielle at Our Family of 4 has become a wonderful source of encouragement to me. She is always checking in to see how we are doing over here in our little corner of the world. Thanks, Danielle!

Thanks for "doing friendship" with me, ladies!

God Is Good!

Yesterday I was able to say God is good; today I can really feel it. Grief is hard. It is at some points gut wrenching and yesterday was one of those days. As I said in my last post yesterday, I cried a lot.

But it was a Monday and that means it was a GriefShare night. When I started GriefShare, I did not like it. I felt alone even though I was in a room with a lot of other people who were grieving. But, God is good! He has brought people into my life through that group who are a true blessing to me! There are two women in the group who have encouraged me, lifted me up, and helped me keep going! (Thanks, ladies!)

God is good. I was able to get up today and feel his presence. I feel loved and I do have hope for my future, both eternally and earthly. I am choosing to go on!

Here are some of God's words that gave me hope yesterday! Thank you to all of my friends, GriefShare and otherwise, who gave me encouragement.

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers,

when you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that

the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Perseverance must finish it work

so that you may be mature and complete,

not lacking anything.

Psalm 139

1 O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

2. You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

5 You hem me in -- behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

All of Psalm 139 gave me encouragement yesterday. Not only for me but for Ryan as well. Verse 16 says that "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." How great to know that God knew when Ryan would leave us. God knew that Ryan's work on this earth was done. Praise God for his faithfulness, for his purposes that we may not always understand.

Remembering Ryan

Yes, I know this is my third post of the day, but when the thoughts come I want to share them.

I have really been struggling lately with Ryan's death. I continue to cry more than I thought possible. It HURTS. Yesterday as I was getting the kids up from their naps, I was so overwhelmed. I was laying next to Wyatt and I just started crying. I kept asking God, how do I do this? The kids were not being naughty, but sometimes life is just overwhelming to me. I know that I have to take life one day at a time. Some days it is a struggle to want to get up and get going; it would be so much easier to just pull the covers back up and go back to sleep.

The holidays are coming and I think that is amplifying a lot of my pain. Last night we drew names for Christmas with my family -- Ryan's name wasn't in the mix. It hurt.

I chose to listen to the CD from Ryan's Celebration of Life today (although I discovered it wasn't all recorded). I brought the box of kleenex to the couch with me because I had already cried so much today, I figured the tears would continue to flow. They did, but it was so good to be reminded of my husband from the perspective of others. Ryan's best friend, Scott, spoke at the service, as well as a former teacher/coach, his boss, and his mom. It was good to laugh at the stories they shared. It was also so good to be reminded of the truth that Ryan is in such a better place. Sometimes I think that he is missing out on so much, especially with Lily and Wyatt. He is, but it is not something that he regrets.

I will continue to miss Ryan. I still don't understand why God did not provide "new" lungs here on this earth, but I will choose to praise God for his faithfulness in healing Ryan. God is good, even when we don't understand.

Balloon for Liberty

I have found a friend in grief at Praise In Spite of Pain. Kelly and her husband lost their little girl, Liberty, 1 year ago today. Please pray for them as they are hurting too!

Kelly, here are the pictures of Lily, Wyatt and I with Libby's balloon!

Something to Think About....

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people. When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!'

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India , Africa and Korea . Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,'and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called 'one nation under God.'

'If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.'
- Ronald Reagan

A Fun Evening

Tonight was a lot of fun! The people from 5/3rd that Ryan worked with are amazing! They did such a great job putting the whole night together -- I felt so loved! There was a silent auction, great music, and a lot of food. Some people were in costumes, others were come as you are. I was able to chat with some of Ryan's colleagues and even a former boss who hired Ryan but then left to follow different opportunities. It was good to hear stories about Ryan.

My husband was an amazing man who made such a big impact on the people that he came in contact with. I am thankful for the legacy that he has left. I am thankful for the lives that he touched.

**I must confess, I did not take any pictures. Maybe I can get a few from some of the people at 5/3rd who did.

Blessing Even in Grief

It has been a week where my grief has come in waves. I have cried more this week than I have in a really long time. I have missed Ryan tremendously and it is all the little things that it seems to be hurting the most. I have also felt grief for some of my friends who are going through difficult situations. How I wish that we were all in the place where there is no more crying or pain.

God is so faithful despite the hurt. He continues to bless me in abundance with people who care. I have great family and friends who love me and who love my children. Ryan's work continues to amaze me with their care and concern for us. Tonight they are doing a benefit for our family with a concert and silent auction. I am so grateful for how God orchestrated our coming to Michigan and Ryan getting a job with these amazing people. I will have the opportunity to say a few words tonight . Although I am not a public speaker, I am looking forward to the chance to say thanks for all they have done for us (hopefully I will be able to hold my emotions in check).

God is good and I will continue to praise him even in my grief!

A New Game of Tag

My friend, Kandy, put up a new blog tag yesterday. You are supposed to pick your 6th picture from your 6th folder. This was the picture that I found when I went to get my picture.

CALI

Cali was our puppy for about six weeks in the summer of 2004. Ryan's brother, Nick, brought her home without permission and Ryan and I decided that we would take her. She was a sweet puppy. We had her almost 100% house broken when we had to give her up for adoption (long, un-fun story).

It's A Boy!

I am an aunt again! Ryan's brother, Nicholas, welcomed his son into the world last night.

Cameron

8 lb. 9 oz.

21 1/2 "

10:34 pm

Congratulations, Nick and Brittney!

His middle name has not been decided yet. Lily and Wyatt are already asking if we can go and see him. We won't be able to go for a couple of weeks, but we are excited for this new little life!

Blogging

I started this blog about 16 months ago. When I started it I remember saying to Ryan, what in the world will I write about and who in the world will ever read it. Many of my friends were starting blogs and I enjoyed reading them, plus having Ryan's family live 4 hours away we thought it would be a fun way for them to "see" the kids.

The blog has become something that I love, a hobby if you will. I have never enjoyed writing, but I enjoy putting down my thoughts here on the blog. It has been my own personal journal through so many trying times. I hope its is a way for God to be glorified for all the things he has done and will continue to do in my life. It has been a tool for me to show off my kids, to inform people of Ryan's health and hospital stays, and most recently a way for me to express my grief.

I very rarely talk about my grief in person; most days people who see me will have no idea what I am really feeling. This blog has become my way of expressing just what I am feeling. It has helped me so much to be able to share my story of grief. I am hoping that maybe it is helping someone else in some way too.

Val laughs at me now, because I talk about "blog" friends like I really know them. I feel like I do know a lot of you. You have opened your lives to me through your blogs. You have encouraged my through your comments and emails to me. There are some of you who are also walking down a path of grief or are facing it in the near future. Some of you who do not "know" me have been some of my strongest supporters and I just wanted to say thank you!

Loneliness

Loneliness. It is the most overwhelming feeling. It is the feeling that I filled with most of the time. It does not matter if I am by myself or with a group of friends. There are times I feel swallowed up by it. I have wonderful parents and great friends who "take care" of me. I have a God who loves me more than I can imagine.

But...

I miss Ryan. I miss him being here. I miss being able to call him and talk to him on the phone. I miss watching the kids do new things for the first time with him. I miss his laughter at the kids antics. I miss watching him make other people laugh (even if I didn't find it funny). I miss bouncing ideas off of him. I miss discussing politics with him. I miss helping him get out the door in the morning. I miss him taking up 2/3rds of the bed at night. I miss his hugs. I miss him telling me that he loves me. I miss him just being here and it leaves me with tremendous ache inside.

Bittersweet

Tonight we carved our pumpkin with Auntie Val. It was fun carving the pumpkin, but it was also bittersweet. It was almost 1 year ago that we did the very same thing only Ryan was there too. I remember Ryan video taping the whole ordeal last year and all of us laughing as Lily and Wyatt would sneak pieces of pumpkin and seeds into their mouths. I can imagine him laughing tonight as Wyatt said over and over "pumpkin no talking, mouth missing" after I cut out the mouth on our pumpkin.

I am so thankful for two wonderful kids and a great friend to help me find joy in these bittersweet moments.

Scroll down to the next post if you would like to see some of the 99 pictures that Val took of our pumpkin carving...don't worry, I edited!

Pumpkin Carving

Pumpkin Farm and a Friend!

Last night we went back to the pumpkin farm with our friends from church. The kids had a great time riding on the "bumpy ride" (a.k.a. the pumpkin train). They also joined the other kids climbing on the huge bales of hay. We ended the night with a hayride and a bonfire.

Today Val is here for a visit. We are all very excited to have her here and spend some time with her! We will probably carve our pumpkin so watch for more pictures later.

Conversation with Lily

While we were eating dinner the other night I asked the kids what they remember about Daddy. Seeing as they are 2 1/2 I didn't know what they would say. I don't know what they actually remember from Ryan and what they remember me telling them about Ryan. Anyway...

Lily's response was "heart". I was confused so I asked her again what she remembered about Daddy and again she said "heart". I went out on a limb and said Daddy is in your heart. She got a smile on her face and said "yes".

I do not remember every having a conversation with the kids about Daddy staying with them or always having Daddy with us in our hearts, but I thought it was precious that she said that!

i just love 'em...

I love my kids. They bring so much joy to my day -- every day! Their little personalities continue to blossom and I love seeing the little people they are becoming.

Wyatt is such a sweet little boy. He is much more tentative than Lily, but he has such a compassionate little heart. He is the "comforter". If either Lily or I am crying, he is the one to come up and tell us it is okay. He gives great hugs! He wants to help all the time whether I am vacuuming or preparing dinner. He will not just jump in and join the crowd, but needs to take time to ponder the situation and what is happening around him. He is gaining more independence, but is still my little shadow a lot of the time.

Helping me prepare dinner!

Lily is a sweet little girl, but also a spitfire! She is a ball of energy and is much more outgoing than Wyatt. If we are at the park she is the first to let go of my hand and play. She always wants to go "up high" on the swings. She is inquisitive. It seems that while Wyatt is starting to break out of his shell, Lily has developed a little more of a shell. She is becoming more of a "Momma's Girl" in certain situations, but it doesn't usually last too long. She is able to give the type of hug where I let go, but she is able to hang from my neck. She has become very cuddly (which I love most of the time).

Together, they are so much fun (minus the hitting, pushing and inability to share -- which is the minority of the time). They love to run and chase each other. They hold hands as we walk through stores, parking lots, or just out and about. They give each other hugs. They have to say good night to one another before taking naps in separate rooms (I often hear them calling to each other through closed doors). They have great fun together at night in their dark room, often giggling, laughing and talking for 1/2 hour or more. I am so blessed!

Visiting the "Daddy Place" ... they love to be there. They play and run and I just imagine Ryan smiling down and enjoying their laughter every time we are there!

Just a Thought...

A 92-year-old man, who is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.

"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Weekend...

We had a good weekend! Papa Steve came up to visit and we just hung out at the house most of the time. Papa Steve did babysit for awhile so that I could take my mom to get her birthday pedicure!

Here are some fun (and rare) pictures of Wyatt from dinner last night!

The other "exciting" part of our weekend was getting the end tables that my dad built. Ryan and I never had end tables, we just used tray tables. My dad makes wonderful wood furniture and I decided to have him make me the tables. (He has made most of the wooden furniture in our house: my headboard, dresser, and night stands; the cribs; Lily and Wyatt's rocking chairs; Wyatt's barn bookshelf; Lily's doll house bookshelf.) Hopefully some day I will be able to have him make a coffee table to match (and maybe a dining room table too)!

Thanks, Dad, I love them!

God's Purpose

There are many days when I wonder what God's purpose was in allowing Ryan to die. It doesn't make sense and I ask "why" a lot. I miss Ryan, I miss our future and the fulfillment of our plans and dreams, I miss Lily and Wyatt having a daddy to play with.

One positive thing that has happened since Ryan has passed away is the strengthening of my faith. Each day I must cling to God and his promises because without that I would fall apart -- I have fallen apart on the days I have tried to do it on my own. I praise God that I am not doing this alone or in my own strength!

Psalm 62

5. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6. He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7. My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8. Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

11. One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12. and that you, O Lord, are loving.

Cute, Sweet, & Innocent

I was told while I was pregnant that God makes kids so cute, sweet, and innocent when they sleep so that you still love them when they are naughty (or something close to that). I know now that she was right. We are in the full swing of "terrible-twos": hitting, pushing, not sharing, etc. I know that in general Lily and Wyatt would probably be considered very well behaved, however they are not as sweet and innocent as they used to be and that is rough for mommy. That being said, I love them very much (especially when they are sleeping peacefully)!

An Interesting Perspective

I found this blog of a woman who says that she is running for president. She has some interesting thoughts on a lot of issues. I haven't read everything that she has written, but I think she is funny and I probably agree more with what she has to say that what some other presidential candidates have to say! :)



(No I am not endorsing her, I just thought she was interesting...take a look and find out for yourself.)

Feeling Blessed

I feel blessed today (despite the above picture being a common theme in our house lately).

The reasons:

1. A God who loves me despite my flaws!
2. Lily Grace
3. Wyatt Ryan
4. Someone who "understands" and took the time to have dinner with me last night!
   

Pictures of Lily in what will probably be her Christmas outfit.

4 Months

I have been trying to ignore the fact that today is October 6. It has been 4 months without Ryan. Four months of adjusting to a new normal. Four months of sadness. There are some days it is still hard to believe that he is gone. There is not a day that goes by where my heart doesn't hurt, at least for a little while. There is not a day that goes by that Lily and Wyatt don't talk about Daddy.

My perspective on life is so different now. I try not to let the little things bother me (although I am not always good at it). I find myself longing for heaven; wishing that the trumpets would sound, Jesus would gather us home, and this life would be over. What a wonderful and glorious day that will be!

I recently created a book for Lily and Wyatt called The ABC's of Daddy. I thought I would share the different things about Ryan with all of you (minus the pictures). For those of you who did not know Ryan, enjoy getting to know him a little more. For those of you who did know Ryan, I hope you enjoy remembering these different things about him.

• A is for Attitude: Daddy had the most amazing attitude about life. No matter what he was facing, Daddy always tried to stay positive.
• B is for Bears...Chicago Bears: Daddy loved football and his favorite team, the Bears. He taught you to say "touchdown" and he was so delighted when you wore your Bears' gear.
• C is for Chicago Cubs: The Chicago Cubs were Daddy's baseball team of choice! He even threw out the first pitch at a game when he was 10.
• D is for Daddy: Being you Daddy was a dream come true! You brought so much joy to Daddy's life -- with the 3 of you in the same room, there was bound to be laughter!
• E is for Excellent: Daddy, Husband, Son, Brother, Friend: Daddy was excellent in all of these roles!
• F is for Fantastic: Faith, Family, Friends, Football, Finances...all fantastic things in your Daddy's life!
• G is for Generous: Daddy loved to give, whether it was for fun or for need! He was such a generous person and wanted to help out in any way that he could!
• H is for Humor: Those who knew Daddy well knew that he loved to laugh! He had such a great sense of humor.
• I is for Inventions: Daddy was always inventing silly little songs to go with your stories and toys -- they always made you smile! He also created crazy block toys for you.
• J is for Jesus: Daddy loved Jesus! He is in heaven with him today. He loved to read you your bible and teach you about Jesus too!
• K is for Kristin: Daddy loved Kristin (that's Mommy)! Daddy was a great husband who always tried to do things to get Mommy to smile. (and Mommy loved Daddy too!)
• L is for Lily Grace: Lily was Daddy's little girl for day 1! She had Daddy's personality and his sense of humor. He loved Lily so much!
• M is for Movies: Daddy had a great interest in movies -- he even wrote movie scripts and thought about becoming a film producer. Your Daddy had many hidden talents!
• N is for Never Complain: Daddy never complained. Even when he faced tough stuff, Daddy always stayed positive!
• O is for Others: Daddy always put others first -- especially you and Mommy! (He also loved OREOS!)
• P is for Patient: Daddy was the most patient person I know! He also loved being around people and he had a huge passion for politics!
• Q is for Questions: Daddy would always ask questions: to make sure that he understood things or just to get others to see things from a different perspective.
• R is for Responsible: Daddy was always responsible when it came to the tasks set before him! He would also proudly announce that he was a republican!
• S is for Smile: Daddy had a great smile! You could see it any time he talked about sports or Spider-Man. He was one of the most selfless people and he loved surprises!
• T is for Time: Daddy's favorite thing to do was spend time with you! He would play with you, read you books, sing you songs and make up stories for you. It didn't matter what you did, if he was spending time with you, Daddy was happy!
• U is for Understanding: Daddy was an understanding person -- he always tried to see things from someone else's perspective.
• V is for Victory: Watching sports was one of Daddy's favorite things to do, especially when his teams were victorious!
• W is for Wyatt Ryan: Wyatt was Daddy's little buddy! He loved to sit and cuddle with Daddy or have him read books. He love Wyatt very much!
• X is for eXtraordinary
• Y is for Youthful
• Z is for Zany

(There was no room to explain X, Y, and Z in the kids book, but I am sure you could come up with your own descriptions of why Ryan was extraordinary, youthful and zany!)

Please Watch

This is a political video that I think everyone should watch. It is disturbing. It is sad. Life is precious.



Here is a link to a test where you can compare your opinions with Barack Obama's stance on different issues...Take the test and see where you line up.
http://barackobamatest.com/

A Quick Visit with a Good Friend!

My friend, Rachel, was in town this weekend with her husband and her 3 month old daughter. They came to the area for a wedding, but Rachel and Maddie took the time to come and have breakfast with us this morning! It was so good to catch up with Rachel and to meet Maddie for the first time, even if it was a short visit. Thanks for coming, Rachel, hopefully we will see you again soon!

Lily and Wyatt adored Maddie!

I am not sure Maddie felt the same way :)

October 3 -- The Results

I loved it! I had a great time with the 2nd grade students. The staff at the school was wonderful (it helps that I knew many of them). It was so good to be back in the classroom and I am looking forward to doing it again!

That being said, I am exhausted! I forgot what it is like to be in a classroom all day, although I did have a very light schedule! It does not help that Lily has had a hard time sleeping the past couple of nights due to a cold.

The kids did great with Nana and Papa -- what would I do without them? They did not nap despite getting up early and not sleeping well during the night, but they are in bed early and their mom is headed that way soon!

Thanks for all the prayers and the encouragement today!

October 3

Tomorrow is October 3.

That means two things:
1. Lily and Wyatt will be 2 1/2
2. I will substitute teacher for the first time

Both of those things may seem insignificant, but for some reason they are weighing on my mind tonight.

How is it possible that my tiny little babies are now 2 1/2? How is it possible that my toddlers have already had to live 4 of their 30 short months without their Daddy? As I watch them each day, I am amazed at what they can do now that they could not do 6 months ago. I am sad that Ryan is not here watching them accomplish new things, hearing them jabber a mile a minute.

Substitute teaching? 2nd Grade? I am looking forward to what tomorrow holds, but I am also extremely nervous. I have not been in a classroom for more that 2 1/2 years. I have NEVER taught 2nd grade -- just middle school. Hopefully I will survive :) It will be hard not to come home at the end of the day and tell Ryan all about my day teaching.

Side note: we have now lived here for 2 years (Ryan's first day at 5/3rd was 2 years ago today). I am so thankful how God worked all things out in our lives.

A Request

This is a post I have been thinking about writing and just not quite sure the best way to do it. It is a request for you, especially those of you I see on a regular basis.

Please talk about Ryan.

I am not sure if people avoid talking about Ryan because they are afraid I might cry (and I might but that is okay) or if they avoid talking about Ryan because they think it is weird. I miss Ryan and I miss being able to talk about Ryan. He does not have to be the only thing talked about, but sometimes I wish he was talked about. I don't have talk about his death (although there are times I need to do that too), but I enjoy remembering the good times and the laughter my husband brought to life. There are days I feel like I am the only person who remembers Ryan. The kids and I talk about him all day long, but there are days I wish that I heard his name from someone else.

I am not writing this because I am angry. I am just sad. I miss Ryan and I don't want him to be forgotten.