Fun with Auntie!

The last few days we have been busy having fun. Auntie Amanda (Ryan's sister) came up to stay with us for a few days.

We had a tremendous amount of fun playing at a park...

having adventures in Target...

exploring at the children's museum...

and just being silly outside...

Thanks Auntie for coming over to play! We love you!

Love of Spring!

I LOVE spring ... it is one of my favorite seasons (along with fall).

I love the walks I take around my house, discovering the different life growing out there (thankfully, I didn't have to plant it and hopefully it will take care of itself)!

I love the warm days when the kids are able to play outside for hours.

I love my fenced in backyard that is basically our own personal park.

I love the new loader that Aunt Sandy found for us on a garage sale...Wyatt is in his glory!

I love the laughter of my children.

I love the pictures that they take.

Reality

Reality is...
...being a widow
...being a single parent
...loneliness
That is my reality.

What will I do with it? How will it change me? Will I grow and learn from my reality or will I sit here and whine and feel sorry for myself?

God must have heard my cries of loneliness yesterday and decided to make Himself be heard in my life today. Two different times today, God has told me that He is here. That He is taking care of me. That I need to let go of my expectations for my life and allow Him to work in me.

As I was doing my bible study this morning, I read the following words from Beth Moore in John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple (pp.67 & 68):

"If He (Christ) gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work....I truly believe that if we're willing to see, God uses every difficulty and every assignment to confide deep things to us, and that the lessons are not complete until their beauty has been revealed. I fear, however, that we have such attention deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty was just around the corner."

WOW! Okay, God, I am listening. I know you are teaching me, now please help me learn.

I then headed to church. I love my church. I love the people. I love the music. I love the teaching. Over the last year, I have felt that God has used every message to speak to me and today was no different. The sermon title was "The Great Wall of Reality." Our pastor started off by saying: "your present reality can be used to accomplish God's ultimate purpose." He went on to talk about King David and the struggles he faced before actually reaching the throne. How God used the circumstances of his life to make him a better king. How we need to take the realities of our lives and allow God to grow us through them.

It is hard for me to see right now how God will use my reality for His purpose, but I need to sit back and let God work. I need to trust and believe that God will do what He says He will do. I have no reason to doubt Him. He has been abundantly faithful over the last year, blessing me and sustaining me with this grace and love and strength!

I can tell you that I consider my reality a difficult season in my life. Am I letting it shape me and mold me? Am I waiting and learning? Will I settle for bearable or will I press on and find the beauty that God has just around the corner?

I have been absent from the blog because I really don't have much to say. There are things that go through my mind on a daily basis regarding our journey, but most of those things I don't know how to put down into words. I hate to always be negative or depressing, so sometimes it is easier not to share...

There is a constant battle of loneliness raging in my heart and in my mind. I hate walking this path by myself. Yes, I know that I have a lot of friends and family who care about me. Yes, I know that I have a God who loves me immeasurably. Yes, I know that I have two beautiful children who make me laugh (and sometimes cry) on a daily basis. But that does not change the fact that life is lonely. It does not change the fact that Ryan does not walk through the door each night after work. It does not change the fact that the one person who could get Wyatt to smile during a bath is never going to help with baths again. It does not change the fact that being a single mom is one of the hardest tasks I have ever faced. It does not change the fact that each night I lay in bed and my husband does not lay next to me.

I keep hoping that when I wake up each morning it will get a little easier. Some days are easier; some days are not. Seven weeks from today we will be at the anniversary of Ryan's death. I keep thinking that maybe things will be different after that. All of the firsts will be done. I will have survived the first year. But, in reality, life will continue on without Ryan just as it has done for the past year. I will still face loneliness. I will still face the struggles of being a single mom.

But, I will still make it through each day with God's strength, grace and love.

Gotta Love a Giveaway!

Do you remember Maggie Moo's Mom~Alison Harris who made these adorable shirts for Lily and Wyatt?

Well she is doing a giveaway for spring...Who’s Ready for a Spring Giveaway!!!?!! She has started creating these fabulous new keyfob/keychains. Go check it out!

Hope in Easter

Today is Easter Sunday. A day to celebrate the HOPE that we have in Jesus and his victory over death! There is so much more on my heart that I wish I could put into words. I don't know how. Rejoice in the gift you have been given today!

Pictures to Make You Smile! :)

Wyatt wants to be a ballerina princess too!

Lily....3 going on 16!

Birthday Pictures!

Here are the pictures from Lily and Wyatt's many different birthday celebrations.

attitude adjustment

I have been in need of an attitude adjustment for the past month. I have been in a pit of feeling sorry for myself. I have focused on all the things that I don’t have in this life, rather than on the gifts that God has given to me. I have focused on my loneliness and the great ache in my heart, rather than on the joy and laughter of my children and the comfort of my family and friends.

Today is a new day. Today is the day that I am going to choose to change my attitude. I am going to look for the beauty in the ashes. I am going to focus on the blessings that God has given to me. I am going to rejoice in the fact that I have a God who loves me and who has given me hope for my future. I am going to enjoy the life that God has given me TODAY and not dwell in the past or focus on the future. Today is the day that I will remind myself that Jesus is MORE than enough for me!

It has been 10 months today since Ryan died. I will continue to press on. I will continue to rest in the hands of my heavenly Father. I will continue to see the blessings that God has given to me. That is what I need to do; that is what Ryan would want me to do.

If you need some encouragement, head over to Bring The Rain and listen to the song Unredeemed. It is Selah's new song (not released yet and only available on Angie's site for a few days), that speaks about God's work in redeeming the desperate and difficult situations in our lives...God is so GOOD, so LOVING and so FAITHFUL!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Lily Grace and Wyatt Ryan!

Happy Birthday, Lily and Wyatt!

It is so hard for Mommy to believe that you have been in this world for 3 years! You make me smile each and every day. You are best friends and you watch out for one another. You love to laugh and play together. You both love to be outside and read books. You both miss your Daddy. You know that you must love and obey Jesus to get to heaven someday.

Lily Grace:
You favorite colors are pink and purple.
You love to eat most fruits and vegetables and will try almost anything that mommy puts on your plate.
You are a "girly-girl" who loves pretty dresses and new shoes.
You are a great mommy to your babies, but you love to play cars with Wyatt.
You enjoy coloring, stickers, markers, and painting.
You are independent, but you also love to cuddle.
You almost always have a smile on your face.
You are so excited to meet the Princesses!
I love you my little princess!

Wyatt Ryan:
Your favorite colors are blue, green and orange.
You love Lightning McQueen and Mater.
You love to play with cars, trucks, and trains.
You are timid and shy...Mommy's Little Boy!
You are very protective of "your" Lily.
You do not like new things, but almost always enjoy them once you try.
You are a more picky eater, but you enjoy PB & J and most kinds of fruit.
You are very loving and will always say "I Love You" to Mommy and Lily.
You HATE being in water, including the bath tub.
I love you my little man!

*Remember to turn the music off on the blog.

My Sweet Baby

Lily is still not herself. She fought against a stomach bug all day yesterday and went to bed before 7:00 last night. She slept for more than 14 hours straight! She woke up asking for milk which of course I could not give to her. She has eaten a little, and thankfully, she has kept it down, but she is still so lethargic. I don't think she has slept this much since she was 3 months old! Here are couple pictures of how I have found my baby girl each time I have checked on her in the family room (where she has laid in front of the television for the last two days!).