it's the small things

as a mom, i have heard over and over to savor the each moment, to not let this time pass me by, because before i know it lily and wyatt will be grown.
the days of two crying infants and sleepless nights are a distant memory. 
the days of potty training are far behind us. 
kindergarten and the whole school routine have made me even more aware of how life is passing us by.
it is my goal to slow down, to savor these days with my kids. 
because before i know it, lily and wyatt will be getting their diplomas, heading off to college, starting families of their own...
i want to celebrate the small things in life with lily and wyatt...like a 5 1/2 birthday!

it's been a long time...

life has been busy.

here is what we have been up to in no particular order:

lily and wyatt "graduated" preschool.

i went to cedar point.

we enjoyed time in pools and at the beach.

lily learned to ride her bike without training wheels.

 

we took a train ride.

we celebrated mother's day.

we re-landscaped part of the backyard.

lily and wyatt had s'mores for the 1st time.

i learned to roller blade again.

we went to lily and wyatt's first baseball game.

lily and wyatt went camping for the 1st time (with Grandma and Grandpa).

i went to chicago for a "tourist-y" weekend: navy pier, millennium park, cubs game, magnificent mile

lily and wyatt went fishing with grandpa (and cousins).

we ate some ice cream :)

we spent time in grand haven.

lily and wyatt started kindergarten (all day, every day) -- they love it...mom isn't so sure.

i started working 3 days a week.

we made 2 trips to chicago to celebrate with family.

lily went to her 1st birthday party for a friend.

we went to 2 parades.

we met baby symphony.

we met the baby born from the embryos i donated -- what a treasure for my heart!

lily and wyatt went to vacation bible school

Blessed

God is good.
He has provided an answer to my prayers.
He has provided an answer to the prayers of others.
He has restored a part of my heart.
I am so thankful.
I am so blessed.

Thankful

The month of November always makes me stop and reflect on all the things that I have to be thankful for. Some things are HUGE. Some things are not. Each thing is a blessing in my life.

• Wyatt: my sweet, cuddly, momma's boy. He loves trucks, reading books, and playing with his sister. He has a FABULOUS memory. He is great at learning his AWANA verses and he LOVES to sing praise and worship songs with mommy!
• Lily: my sweet, independent, thoughtful, little girl. She loves babies (dolls and real). She loves to color, draw, paint, play with playdoh. She is always looking out for her brother -- 9 times out of 10 she will allow him to have his way if they disagree (not always sure this is a good thing). She almost always has a smile on her face. She also loves to store God's word in her heart.
• Our Health: we are all healthy and that is such a huge blessing!
• My Jobs: I love both of my jobs. I enjoy taking care of a precious 15 month old and her 9 week old brother. I also enjoy working at church one day a week -- and the change of pace it brings to our lives.
• Family
• Parents: I am VERY thankful for my parents and all of the help they give to us, especially with childcare.
• Friends: I am so very, very blessed with friends who love me for who I am. I love that I have friends I can be real with.
• Our House
• Preschool: Although sending Lily and Wyatt to school this year was difficult for me, they are loving it. They are learning how to be social and interact well with other kids their age. I am learning to enjoy the few hours a week it gives me to get things done without little helpers.
• Our Car
• My Freedom: Thankful for a country where I am free to vote and try to influence our leaders.
• My Faith: How do people handle life without faith in God?
• God's Strength: I am so thankful that God gives me the strength to get through each day...especially the days I am so tired and don't know how we are going to make it to bedtime.
• Coffee: :)
• My Bible: So thankful that I have God's promises written down for me to read anytime I want!!!
• Answers to Prayer: I am thankful that God is faithful and answers my prayers...even if the answer is not always the answer I am hoping for.
• Exercise: I do not enjoy exercising, but I am thankful that I have the ability to exercise and take care of the body that God has given to me.
• Baking: I LOVE to bake. It is relaxing to me. I am thankful that there are people who are willing to eat all the things I bake too (otherwise I would have to exercise even more)!
• My Church Family: Where would I be without these people who live out James 1:27 in our lives?

I am sure that I could sit here all day typing and not even come close to having a complete list of all the blessings God has placed in my life. It is so good to take the time to count my many blessings and name them one by one!

August in Pictures

It has been almost a month since I have written anything on the blog. It is definitely not because we have had nothing going on -- we have been BUSY! During August we:

went to swimming lessons.
spent a day at a cottage with a friend.
went to the zoo with friends.
enjoyed a night at the local fair.
attended our church's annual KidZone Blitz.
had a visit from Grammy and Auntie Amanda.
spent time being silly.
created a countdown to preschool.
had a sprinkling system installed.

The greatest joy in my life also happened during August: Lily and Wyatt both asked Jesus to live in their hearts!

God's Ways

UPDATED: SEE BOTTOM OF POST

God's ways are not my ways -- His ways are infinitely better than any thing I could ever ask or imagine.

Due to Ryan's cystic fibrosis we had to use the IVF process to get pregnant -- a decision that blessed our lives richly with Lily and Wyatt. We began that process 5 years ago and there were several embryos created. It took us two tries to get pregnant using 7 embryos (I think) and we were left with 7 more embryos that have been frozen ever since.

During Ryan's hospital stay at U of M, we talked about the possibility of trying to get pregnant again after he got his new lungs. We both enjoyed being parents and the thought of having more children was exciting to us -- especially with likely hood of Ryan having more energy and the ability to be an even more hands-on dad.

But, God's ways are not our ways and things did not end up as we had hoped or dreamed.

Along with facing the loss of my husband and the new role as an only parent, I was also facing a big decision about what to do with my 7 unborn children. I LOVE being a mom, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would love to have more children, but for me I knew that trying to have more children on my own was not what God would have me to do.

According to the fertility clinic that my embryos were stored at I had 4 options:

1. Destroy the embryos (so NOT an option for me! Life begins at conception, I wanted no part of destroying 7 lives).
2. Donating the embryos for scientific research (also NOT an option for me!)
3. Donating the embryos to another infertile couple.
4. Going through the IVF process again myself.

When looking at the list, I knew that I really had only one option -- thankfully it was an option that Ryan and I had discussed so I knew that I had his blessing in this decision. I knew that I needed to give these unborn babies a chance at life through donating them to another couple. I looked into a few options for donating the embryos, but never felt that they were completely right for me. Many of the options were very costly for the adopting family and I didn't want any family to have to feel a financial burden through adopting these babies.

This is where God's ways really start to amaze me! Through my blog I met a friend who wanted to add to her family. She was going through infertility treatments and had found embryo adoption. When she became pregnant through embryo adoption she started posting about it on her blog and there was a night last November I commented on her blog about being "on the other side." My comment was read by another of her blog readers -- she and her husband were just beginning to look into embryo adoption with the hopes of increasing the number of children in their family. She tried to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit to contact me, but after a few hours and some time spent reading my blog, she decided that she would email me.

This wonderful, godly woman shared with me a little about her family. She and her husband had children, but they felt called to have more children and they were open to adoption (both traditional and embryo). She shared with me about her experience with grief -- a connection that I could relate to in so many ways. She was wondering if my embryos might be a possibility for her family. (I am sure that sounds crazy to many of you, but I thought that it just might be the possibility I was hoping for.) We both agreed to pray about it, seek godly counsel, and contact one another again in a week.

All doors seemed to be opening. She and her family shared many of my beliefs from their thoughts on when life begins to how salvation is reached -- both tremendously important things in my life. She shared with me her heart for her family, the methods they use for discipline, and the way they incorporate Christ in their daily lives. I was so blessed to see that we lined up in all these things -- honestly, it was such a God-thing!

As time went on, we were moving forward with the process, but there were some (really good, but difficult) things that came up in their lives that complicated the matter. We had to decide to put this on hold or call it all off for the time being. I was disappointed. I had really felt like this family was an answer to my prayers for my unborn children. She and I stayed in contact with one another through emails and our blogs -- they are all so wonderful!

As the 2 year anniversary of Ryan's death came nearer, I really felt the need to move forward with donating the embryos. I was not sure what exactly I was going to do, so I decided to contact this woman one more time. In my email I told her there was no pressure for them, but I personally needed to move forward in this process. I asked her and her husband to pray about it and get back to me. If they were not in a place to do the adoption that would have been fine, God would have provided another godly couple to raise these children.

After a few weeks, she contacted me and told me that they would like to adopt all 7 of my embryos and a whirlwind began. There have been legal contracts, blood draws, and trips across the country to give these children a chance at life! All of the embryos were thawed to see how they would do -- 3 survived, 4 did not. 3 were implanted -- and through God's amazing ways this wonderful family is expecting a new baby in their family!

There have been difficult moments along this journey. There has been a whole new chapter of grief as I have had to give up my dream of being a mom again. But there has been an amazing peace through this whole process as well. God's ways are not my ways -- they are more than I could ever ask or imagine.

THE ADOPTING FAMILY HAD THEIR ULTRASOUND TODAY -- THERE IS ONE LITTLE LIFE THRIVING! PRAISE GOD FOR THIS WONDERFUL BLESSING!

a week of blessings

this past week i was blessed by

• a visit with val and dave! :)
• the middle schoolers from church doing a service project at our house -- weeding and spreading landscaping rocks
• spending 4 hours at the beach with the kids and some friends
• the ability to exercise (not something i necessarily enjoy, but i am grateful that i am healthy enough to do it)
• an amazing time of worship at church on sunday
• my first "Sonic" experience
• earthquake cake -- yummy!

Abundantly Blessed

I have been feeling so grateful lately. God has again opened my eyes to all of the blessing that I have in my life. I am filled with JOY at all that he is doing around me.


Here are just some of the things I am thankful for today:

• Two healthy, happy children who enjoy playing together
• Two different but fun jobs
• Friends who make me laugh
• Those who are willing to listen and encourage me
• Situations in life that bring me hope
• God answering some very specific prayers
• Having the ability to exercise and take care of myself
• God's protection in the storms last night
• Sunshine
• A new driveway
• God drawing me closer to him
• The thoughtfulness of others on Father's Day
• Ice Cream :)
• God at work in the lives of those around me

I am sure that I could list things all day and I would still miss some of the blessings that are surrounding me. I am just in awe of what God is doing. He is so good!

Moving Forward

I feel like I am moving forward. I am only a few days into year three, but some major things that have needed closure since Ryan's death are finally being taken care of. Moving forward is a good feeling even though it sometimes requires heartache and struggle. God has definitely used the challenges of the last 2+ years to stretch me and grow me. I am grateful for the bumps in the road because they do not allow me to grow stagnant -- they force me to press on and to rely on my heavenly Father. He is so, so good!

Two Years with Jesus

Two years with Jesus in such different ways:
It has been two years since Ryan was called home to Jesus.
It has been two years of relying on Jesus alone to get through each day.

Ryan is spending eternity in the presence of the King.
He is breathing free.
He experiences no pain, no suffering, no sorrow, no sadness.
He has received the reward of his heavenly crown.
He no longer has to be concerned with the daily grind of life.
He is not stressed about finances, work, the stock market, or the Cubs.
He is healthy and happy.

Two years with Jesus has been much different for me.
I have longed to be in the presence of my King.
I have worried about having the strength to get through each day.
My days have been a mixtures of sadness and joy.
I have felt pain, suffering, and sorrow.

Even though the past two years have not been easy, I know that Jesus has been with me. He is the reason that I have made it through the last 730 days. Even though there is pain and heartache in my life, there is much joy as well. Jesus has blessed me with two beautiful children -- two wonderful reminders of their daddy. He has blessed me with caring family and friends. He has provided for all of our needs. He will continue to help me get through each day of this next year just as he has helped me get through each day of the last two years.

Lessons from Out on a Limb

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending a Beth Moore Living Proof Ministries conference with my good friend, Val (and 7,298 other women from 24 states). It was a refreshing weekend. It was a needed retreat. It was a heart opening message for me.

Beth's theme focused on trees and she used different scripture references to make her point. The most impacting aspect of the conference for me was Friday night when her focus was from Jotham's Fable in Judges 9. She talked about the different trees being different types of kings in our lives. The olive tree = religious life, the fig tree = indulgences, the grape vine = intoxication, and the thorn bush = our struggles, trials, etc.

I had never really thought about the fact that my struggles could be the king of my life -- who would want to worship the struggles they are facing. But what I took away from her teaching wasn't that you worship your struggles, but that you focus on them so much that you lose focus of your real KING and what He is doing in your life through those struggles. It was a wake up call for me to realize I was focusing too much on the difficulties in my life and not on what God is doing through them. I was becoming resentful of some of the challenges I have to face and not embracing them as a way for God to continue His good work in me. I am so thankful for God's grace and mercy and patience as I take my time in learning and growing in Him.

Here is a video from the weekend!

Living Proof Live - Grand Rapids from Rich Kalonick on Vimeo.

Liberty's Wagons

Are you interested in blessing another family? How about 1000's of families? My friend, Kelly, has a daughter in heaven. Liberty blessed this earth for 5 short months, but Kelly and her husband are keeping her memory alive through Liberty's Wagons. In honor of what would have been Libby's 3rd birthday they are trying to raise enough money to donate 10 wagons to a local children's hospital. The wagons will be used to transport kids to and from different appointments throughout the hospital. They also bring a lot of joy to kids who are in a place that isn't always very happy. Please visit Kelly's blog here where you can see pics of this beautiful family. Click here if you would like the help raise the last $257 for the wagons.

Blessed By Brownies

I opened my door yesterday afternoon to discover a box dropped off by UPS. I love getting packages, especially when I don't know that they are coming. I picked up the box in excitement to discover that on the return label was the name of one of Ryan's RT's at U of M. In that moment I was already blessed! It is unbelievable to me that nearly two years after Ryan died I would still maintain contact with the people there -- that those people would take the time to remember us. It speaks VOLUMES of the impact that my wonderful husband had on the people around him even at his most difficult time of life.

I hurried to the kitchen to open the box and found a treasure of brownies. And let me just tell you, these are no ordinary brownies! This RT would often bring treat to hospital for the staff and he always made sure to share with us. He also had a favorite restaurant/bakery and he stopped a couple of times on his way into work to buy us some of their famous brownies. Oh my YUM! (My favorite have caramel oozing out of them!) He had found out about our Great Strides walk (I am guessing from another of Ryan's RT's who was going to walk with us, but can't because she has to work) and sent us a box of brownies in case we "might need a little 'boost' to get us through the walk."

Such a thoughtful gift from someone I have not seen in almost two years. Such a HUGE blessing to know that my husband is not forgotten.

Thanks, Chuck!

what's going on

So many things are going on right now, I just never take the time to sit down and blog anymore. Most of my spare time was being wasted on Facebook, so I have decided to give it up for Lent (if you are reading this on FB it is because my blog is automatically uploaded there). It was distracting me from much more important things in my life. I decided that I needed to stop wasting my time and refocus on the areas of my life God wants me to be working on -- mainly my relationship with Him and my relationships with Lily and Wyatt.

Winter has been difficult for me both mentally and emotionally. I have been stuck in a pit of sadness, loneliness, and self-pity. I need a change of pace! I have been looking for an opportunity to get away, to find some sunshine, and to create some new memories with Lily and Wyatt. So, we are getting ready for another vacation to Disney in just a couple of weeks. Our friend (and awesome babysitter), Erin, will be joining us because there was no way I was going to tackle flying and vacationing at Disney World with two three year olds by myself! We will spend three full days in the parks and I am super excited to be able to do even more with the kids than we did last year.

I am also really excited about the opportunity to raise awareness and funds for Cystic Fibrosis through Great Strides. I have officially restarted the "Sweeney Striders" team for this year's walk in Grand Rapids. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support that I have already received from people joining me in the walk and from the donations given (if you are interested in joining me on the walk or in sponsoring me click here). I have plans in the works (well, just in my head right now) for t-shirts for the Sweeney Striders that will set us apart from other teams as well as honor Ryan's life!

Lily and Wyatt are doing fairly well, other than the colds, coughs, and fevers (Lily) they have been fighting. It is so hard to believe that in a few weeks they will be turning 4! I am ready to be done with "3" and all of its challenges, but I am not ready for them to be heading to school. If only there was a slow motion button on life!

And lastly, here is a video of one of my favorite songs right now, "Unredeemed" by Selah. I love the message that it sends, a message of hope in the promises God has made to redeem the things of this world that hurt so much. It is a great reminder to me that God sees and knows the pain in my heart, especially as Ryan's birthday approaches.

Looking Back

Since I wrote my post reviewing 2009, I have also been thinking about the past decade. So much has changed in the last 10 years and I thought it might be interesting to highlight some of the major events that have occurred in that time.

• 2000: Finished my junior year of college and began my senior year at Trinity Christian College in Palos Heights, IL. I worked at Steelcase for the last time as summer help. I had knee surgery in December.
• 2001: I did my student teaching at Southwest Chicago Christian School -- Tinley Park (6th grade) and Chicago Ridge Public School (4th grade). I graduated college with a B.A. in elementary education. I spent the summer back in Michigan working at Gap and babysitting before moving to Illinois. I began working at Westminster Christian School (WCS) teaching 7th and 8th grade math, 8th grade bible, and a computer elective. I also met Ryan.
• 2002: Ryan and I began dating on February 14. We were engaged in June. Ryan went into the hospital for the first time while we were together. We began wedding planning. I continued teaching at WCS.
• 2003: Ryan and I bought a townhouse in Lake In The Hills, IL. We got married on July 5 and went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. I continued working at WCS and Ryan worked at Precision Twist Drill.
• 2004: Ryan began working at Ameriprise as a financial planner. We flew to Connecticut for his best friend's wedding. We had a puppy for 6 weeks. :)
• 2005: Ryan had a major CF crash in April that lead to us beginning transplant evaluation at University of Wisconsin -- Madison. We began pursuing IVF. We found out that we were pregnant with twins in September -- YAY!
• 2006: I went on maternity leave and Ryan lost his job at the end of March. Lily and Wyatt were born on April 3 (33 6/7 wks). Ryan worked part time through the summer in Illinois. He found a job in Grand Rapids, MI. We moved to Michigan in September and lived with my parents. We sold our townhouse the last week of December.
• 2007: We started renting a townhouse. We enjoyed watching Lily and Wyatt grow. Ryan's health began to take a turn for the worse at the end of the year. We again began pursuing a lung transplant, this time at U of M.
• 2008: Ryan finished his lung transplant evaluation and was listed on March 17. He went into the ICU on March 23 and was never able to return home. Ryan went to heaven on June 6 after 10 1/2 weeks in the ICU. God became my source of strength during the most difficult time of my life.
• 2009: I bought a home for Lily, Wyatt, and myself. We took a trip to Disney with my parents. I continued to rely on God...

It is so great to reflect on where I have come from. When the last decade started I was far from being the person that I am today. I made choices based on what I wanted for myself and not on what God wanted for me. He has used the events of the past 10 years to draw me closer and to transform me into who I am today. Some of the things He has used have been fun, happy, joyful things. Some of the things He has used have been difficult, trying, sad things. Through them all I can see God's faithfulness. I can see how He orchestrated situations in my life to show me who He is. I am so thankful for a God who loves me and provides for me. I am thankful that even with an uncertain future, I can KNOW that God will provide for all of my needs and that I am loved!

2009 ~ Year in Review

It is hard to believe that today is the last day of 2009. I remember thinking on New Year's Day that it was going to be a long year. I remember crying as I thought of starting a new year without Ryan. I was dreading what was ahead and dreading the fact that I was going to be facing in "alone." God has more than blessed me as I look back over all that we have done in this year.

Here are a few highlights from each month of 2009:

• January was a month filled with two big blessings! My niece, Jessie Marie, was born and I bought our house! :)
• February was a busy month as the new house was painted and "remodeled." We moved in on the 21st -- I still LOVE it!
• In March, we celebrated Ryan's birthday. It was a difficult day, but so good to remember too! The weather started getting warmer and we were able to start enjoying our big backyard.
• Lily and Wyatt turned 3 in April!
• The highlight of May would have to be our trip to Disney World. It was a quick trip, but so much fun!
• June marked the one year anniversary of Ryan's death. We were loved and supported, it was a weekend of celebration for the life Ryan lived! We also took a trip to Illinois to spend time with family and friends. Lily and Wyatt were potty trained too!
• July was a relaxing month. We enjoyed the cooler temperatures that this summer held. We also made a day trip to Chicago for Grandma-Great's birthday. Lily and Wyatt rode a real pony for the first time at the church picnic.
• In August we spent some time at the beach with friends and attended different activities at church.
• September started with a trip to Binder Park Zoo on Labor Day -- what a fun place, we will definitely go again! Lily and Wyatt started attending Cubbies at church. The outside of the house received a face lift with new windows, siding, and garage door.
• October was a fun month for me! I was able to be a part of my friend, Val's, wedding day. The kids enjoyed time with Nana and Papa while Mommy was away. They also enjoyed dressing up for Halloween.
• The highlight of November was Thanksgiving.
• December has been a blur with holiday gatherings and visits from good friends. I celebrated my birthday. And we all celebrated the birth of our Savior!

We have been blessed. We have a wonderful home and we are all healthy! We are loved and supported by our family and friends. There are still difficult days (the second year of grief really is more difficult), but God continues to sustain me with His love and strength!

Happy New Year! May God bless you richly in 2010!

A Matter of Perspective

For the last few weeks, I have been struggling with my perspective. The glass has been half empty instead of half full. I have felt sorry for myself and the fact that my life has not gone as I had planned. My birthday is coming and I have to say when I used to picture what my life would be like, it did not include being a widow with two small children at the age of 31.

I am trying to refocus my perspective. I am trying to see all of the MANY, MANY things I have to be thankful for. I am trying to be full of JOY!

So...

• instead of grumbling about washing the dishes by hand for weeks, I am thankful that I have a house to wash my dishes in, that I have food to put on my dishes, and that I have two wonderful children to make the dishes dirty. (I am also thankful that Maytag/Whirlpool is replacing the dishwasher at no cost to me -- yay, warranties!)
• instead of dreading bathing two 3 year olds, I am thankful for the giggles that come out with the bubbles and that I have clean, warm water to bathe them in.
• instead of complaining about having to work out, I am thankful that God has allowed me to have a healthy body that can work out.

Those are just a few things I am trying to change my perspective on. In reality, life is full of blessing if I just take the time to look for them. Christmas is coming -- the celebration of Jesus' birth. A day that is a great reminder of the sacrifice He made for me!

Struggles and God's Provision

The past week has been filled with many, many different struggles. All of them seemed really big at the time, all of them made me feel extremely alone. But God has amazingly provided through all of them!

At the end of last week, and even the beginning of this week, Lily was throwing some major temper tantrums all day long! Those of you who have toddlers or who have had toddlers can relate, I am sure. Anything I asked her to do she said "NO!" Any time I asked her to obey, she did the opposite. She was screaming, crying, etc. I was getting very discouraged. It was getting harder and harder to be consistent, it was a challenge to remain patient, and I began to feel sorry for myself. I was missing Ryan and the help he would have brought (at least after 5:30).

Thankfully, God has placed a very special person in our lives who Lily and Wyatt ADORE! Erin was willing to come over and just hang out. She distracted Lily from her attitude, and didn't bat an eye when things began to go down hill. Erin is such a blessing in our lives, I really have no idea what I would do without her!

Tuesday, I wanted to get some work done in the yard. The leaves were getting to be overwhelming and I thought if I could at least get the front yard done it would be some progress. I went to start the leaf blower (which was only a week old) and I could not get it started for the life of me. I started bawling my eyes out, while Lily and Wyatt looked on. (Wyatt kept saying, "Mommy, it's really sad that you couldn't get that to work. " Cute, but so not helpful at the time!) I hated the fact that I could not get a simple tool to work so that I could take care of my own house.

I called Kevin, one of our pastors, and he was able to come over and try to help me. I felt better with the fact that he couldn't get it to work either! :) But I was grateful for his willingness to help me yet again and he even took it with him and figured out what the problem was! He has helped me with different things around the house many, many times and I am so grateful to God for his willingness!

Yesterday (Wednesday), I decided that since I could get the blower to work now, I would head out to the back yard and move some leaves around to make things easier for someone from our church who was going to be coming over to mow the leaves up later in the afternoon. Things were going well, until I slipped and fell down a couple of stairs and sprained my ankle. I hobbled inside and called a friend. She was concerned because she knows that I am a single mom and that I am very independent. As we were talking and trying to figure out what to do (she was 45 min. away), I was crying my eyes out again! Why? Why does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to be all alone when these things are happening?

Thankfully, God provided again! My neighbors had seen me fall and they asked Aaron, the guy from church who came to mow if I was okay. He didn't even know I was hurt, so he came to check. I was on the phone with another friend from church who told me that Aaron has medical training from his work in the army. Aaron, came in and worked on my foot, while two more friends from church came over and helped with the kids, got medicine from upstairs, brought dinner, took the kids to AWANA, etc. I do not enjoy having a sprained ankle or relying on the help of others, but God came through last night in HUGE ways!

I am not sure what this week of difficulties is for. It may be an attack from Satan for sharing my testimony in church on Sunday night. It may be a reminder to me that God does not want me relying on myself so much. It may be just another way for God to show himself faithful. What ever the reason, I am so thankful for the way God has blessed me with wonderful people to help me out!

I seem to find so little time to blog these days. Life is going full steam ahead. The kids are still enjoying Cubbies at AWANA on Wednesday nights. I have started going to a bible study at church on Wednesday mornings where we are studying Patriarchs: Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob by Beth Moore. I am also watching a two month old one and a half days a week -- she is a little sweetheart! This past week I was in Indiana/Illinois to be the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Val and Dave are perfect for each other and I was honored to be a part of their special day!

Through all of the busyness, God has been so good! I find myself being in a place of contentment. That does not mean that my life is what I would have chosen, it means that God has helped me to accept (and trust) the plans He has for my life. I have realized that I cannot control the things of this life, no matter how hard I try. God knows where I have been. God knows where I am going. God knows when my time on this earth will be over. So I can simply wake up each morning and say, "Okay, God, what do you have for me today?" It does not matter if I wake up one morning and see a very large tree down in my yard (which did happen last week), God is still God. He is still in control and He will still provide and I can still be thankful (for the fact that the tree did not fall on the house and for the WONDERFUL people who took the time to cut it up while I went to my best friend's wedding)!

It is amazing to me to look back over the last 30+ years of my life and to realize that I had not really grown much in my faith until the last 1+ year. I do not rejoice in trees falling or in Ryan's death, but I do rejoice in God's love and faithfulness to me in these times of trial both small and big!

Feeling Blessed!

I have been feeling so blessed lately! To make those blessings even better, they have been unexpected. God has used so many people to encourage me lately, it brings me to tears to see the ways He provides -- even for my spirit!

I have been blessed by:

• encouragement from former students who have recently been in contact with me. It is nice to know that I made an impact in their lives!
• acts of service -- people wanting to help with things around our home that will save me a time and energy and stress.
• people doing small things to make life just a little easier!

God, you are so GOOD! Thank you for the people you use to shower blessings on my life!