A Heart of Worship

Life does not goes as planned. That is a fact that I have learned all to well over the last three years. There are so many times when I wish that things would go the way that I want them to and that "my" plans would work out. There are so many times when I wish that I knew what God was up to.

I know that God knows best and I know that His plan is better than mine. I know that God can see the big picture and that I can only see a tiny speck of that picture. I have been reminded by some wonderful friends over the last few weeks that God is enough. And that God sees it all. They have encouraged me to keep my mind focused on the things above -- when I do it helps so much!

Each time I have been discouraged lately I have been trying to have a heart of worship. I have been reciting Zephaniah 3:17 over and over in my head...turning up praise and worship music really loud doesn't hurt either! :)

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with his love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

September in Pictures!

Summer Bible Study with Beth Moore

I am interested in doing the Siesta Summer Bible Study III that Beth Moore will be "leading" this summer. She/I/we will be studying Kelly Minter's Ruth: Loss, Love, & Legacy. You can go here and read the details of what Living Proof Ministries suggests for the bible study. I think it sounds like a wonderful study and I think it could be a great time of fellowship. I am willing to host each time we meet (it would actually make my life a little easier). Please let me know if you are interested in joining me. Books can be purchased online at Life Way or at Kelly Minter's website for $12.95.

This is the description of the study given on Kelly Minter's website:

Ruth's journey of unbearable loss, redeeming love, and divine legacy comes alive in Kelly Minter's Ruth: Loss, Love & Legacy -- the second study in the Living Room Series. This six week Bible study delves into the noble character of Ruth, her unique relationship with her mother-in-law Naomi, and her blossoming love with Boaz.

Liberty's Wagons

Are you interested in blessing another family? How about 1000's of families? My friend, Kelly, has a daughter in heaven. Liberty blessed this earth for 5 short months, but Kelly and her husband are keeping her memory alive through Liberty's Wagons. In honor of what would have been Libby's 3rd birthday they are trying to raise enough money to donate 10 wagons to a local children's hospital. The wagons will be used to transport kids to and from different appointments throughout the hospital. They also bring a lot of joy to kids who are in a place that isn't always very happy. Please visit Kelly's blog here where you can see pics of this beautiful family. Click here if you would like the help raise the last $257 for the wagons.

Celebrating Ryan

** Thank you so much for all the kind words, prayers, thoughts, emails and comments yesterday. You all made Ryan's birthday special to the kids and I! **

Here are pictures of our birthday celebrations today. We sent Daddy balloons twice. The first time it was just the kids and I. The second time my friend, Nikki, came so that she could capture some pictures for us. While we were waiting for her to get there we made a snowman for Daddy! I enjoyed lunch with friends at Qdoba -- my favorite! They also got me a bouquet of a dozen "roses" which were actually some FABULOUS chocolate covered strawberries. And the kids enjoyed cupcakes from a local bakery. We are still planning to go out to dinner with my mom to Texas Roadhouse -- I don't like steak, but it was a favorite for Ryan so I picked steak place for his birthday.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

** remember to turn off the music on the blog to be able to hear the kids **

Candid Moments...

All of these pictures were taken by my friend, Nikki. She is starting up as a photographer and she came over to set-up/check the lighting in the house in preparation for the pictures she will bravely be taking here on Saturday (she is taking pictures of all 8 grand kids as part of a Christmas gift for my parents). I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the picture of the three of us (the one in our header). Thanks, Nikki! Can't wait to see how the ones on Saturday turn out.

Halloween Parade

We were invited to once again attend the 5/3rd Halloween Parade. It was held this past Thursday, so I dressed the kids up (Wyatt stayed a pirate and Lily chose to be Belle) and we headed downtown for some indoor Trick or Treating. The kids loved it and it was great to see our friends from "Daddy's Work," (not to mention we were able to get plenty of candy without dealing with any type of yucky weather).

Wyatt and Lily with Ms. Lisa (she gave them the little pumpkin Wyatt is holding)!

Trick or Treat!

Currently (6:45 am) we have a wind advisory and they are calling for a "wintry mixture of precipitation." Those words, plus the fact that we already have plenty of candy will probably keep my pirate and my princess home to pass candy out to the people who do decide to brave the weather of Halloween night!

Struggles and God's Provision

The past week has been filled with many, many different struggles. All of them seemed really big at the time, all of them made me feel extremely alone. But God has amazingly provided through all of them!

At the end of last week, and even the beginning of this week, Lily was throwing some major temper tantrums all day long! Those of you who have toddlers or who have had toddlers can relate, I am sure. Anything I asked her to do she said "NO!" Any time I asked her to obey, she did the opposite. She was screaming, crying, etc. I was getting very discouraged. It was getting harder and harder to be consistent, it was a challenge to remain patient, and I began to feel sorry for myself. I was missing Ryan and the help he would have brought (at least after 5:30).

Thankfully, God has placed a very special person in our lives who Lily and Wyatt ADORE! Erin was willing to come over and just hang out. She distracted Lily from her attitude, and didn't bat an eye when things began to go down hill. Erin is such a blessing in our lives, I really have no idea what I would do without her!

Tuesday, I wanted to get some work done in the yard. The leaves were getting to be overwhelming and I thought if I could at least get the front yard done it would be some progress. I went to start the leaf blower (which was only a week old) and I could not get it started for the life of me. I started bawling my eyes out, while Lily and Wyatt looked on. (Wyatt kept saying, "Mommy, it's really sad that you couldn't get that to work. " Cute, but so not helpful at the time!) I hated the fact that I could not get a simple tool to work so that I could take care of my own house.

I called Kevin, one of our pastors, and he was able to come over and try to help me. I felt better with the fact that he couldn't get it to work either! :) But I was grateful for his willingness to help me yet again and he even took it with him and figured out what the problem was! He has helped me with different things around the house many, many times and I am so grateful to God for his willingness!

Yesterday (Wednesday), I decided that since I could get the blower to work now, I would head out to the back yard and move some leaves around to make things easier for someone from our church who was going to be coming over to mow the leaves up later in the afternoon. Things were going well, until I slipped and fell down a couple of stairs and sprained my ankle. I hobbled inside and called a friend. She was concerned because she knows that I am a single mom and that I am very independent. As we were talking and trying to figure out what to do (she was 45 min. away), I was crying my eyes out again! Why? Why does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to be all alone when these things are happening?

Thankfully, God provided again! My neighbors had seen me fall and they asked Aaron, the guy from church who came to mow if I was okay. He didn't even know I was hurt, so he came to check. I was on the phone with another friend from church who told me that Aaron has medical training from his work in the army. Aaron, came in and worked on my foot, while two more friends from church came over and helped with the kids, got medicine from upstairs, brought dinner, took the kids to AWANA, etc. I do not enjoy having a sprained ankle or relying on the help of others, but God came through last night in HUGE ways!

I am not sure what this week of difficulties is for. It may be an attack from Satan for sharing my testimony in church on Sunday night. It may be a reminder to me that God does not want me relying on myself so much. It may be just another way for God to show himself faithful. What ever the reason, I am so thankful for the way God has blessed me with wonderful people to help me out!

I seem to find so little time to blog these days. Life is going full steam ahead. The kids are still enjoying Cubbies at AWANA on Wednesday nights. I have started going to a bible study at church on Wednesday mornings where we are studying Patriarchs: Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob by Beth Moore. I am also watching a two month old one and a half days a week -- she is a little sweetheart! This past week I was in Indiana/Illinois to be the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Val and Dave are perfect for each other and I was honored to be a part of their special day!

Through all of the busyness, God has been so good! I find myself being in a place of contentment. That does not mean that my life is what I would have chosen, it means that God has helped me to accept (and trust) the plans He has for my life. I have realized that I cannot control the things of this life, no matter how hard I try. God knows where I have been. God knows where I am going. God knows when my time on this earth will be over. So I can simply wake up each morning and say, "Okay, God, what do you have for me today?" It does not matter if I wake up one morning and see a very large tree down in my yard (which did happen last week), God is still God. He is still in control and He will still provide and I can still be thankful (for the fact that the tree did not fall on the house and for the WONDERFUL people who took the time to cut it up while I went to my best friend's wedding)!

It is amazing to me to look back over the last 30+ years of my life and to realize that I had not really grown much in my faith until the last 1+ year. I do not rejoice in trees falling or in Ryan's death, but I do rejoice in God's love and faithfulness to me in these times of trial both small and big!

For my friend...

Here is a video of a song that I love. Each time I hear it I am reminded of the pain that so many people face. I am so thankful that God is ALWAYS there!



**Remember to turn off the music on the blog!

What We've Been Up To

We have been staying quite busy during the month of September. Labor Day weekend was filled with time outside. We visited Daddy's place and went to a park. We also headed to Binder Park Zoo on Labor Day itself. It is a zoo that is a little drive for us, but well worth it! They have an African section complete with giraffes, zebras, and monkeys, they also had kangaroos. The kids had a blast and mom, grandma, and grandpa enjoyed it as well!

Last weekend Lily and Wyatt stayed overnight at my parent's house while I went down to Val's. Her wedding is quickly approaching, so we (bridesmaids) threw her a personal shower! I always love my time with Val but this was especially fun! I even got to see my college roommate who I had not seen in over 6 years.

On Monday, work began on the outside of our house. My brother-in-law is a builder and he and his "crew" are re-siding, replacing all the windows, taking out the two garage doors to put in one big door, and changing out the columns in the front of the house. I am also pleased to announce that the pink front door has left us for a mocha brown one! :) It is a little loud here during the day and there is a lot of construction dust as well (from the windows), but I love what has been done so far and they have only worked for two days!

The kids and I have started a busier schedule too; on Tuesdays we have story time and on Wednesday nights they have AWANA. Lily has done well and Wyatt has surprised me with his bravery! It is so bittersweet watching them grow up, I wish I could slow time down just a little!

Fantasy Football

Fantasy Football was one of Ryan's hobbies. About this time each year he would gather with a group of friends for their annual fantasy football draft. The draft was a big deal. Lots of food and lots of fellowship were crammed into a weekend all about football.

Three years ago, the league decided that they needed a trophy to record the champion for each fantasy season. Ryan went on the hunt for the biggest and ugliest trophy that he could find, and for some reason all of the guys in the league thought it was terrific (the wives did not).

This is the second year that Ryan is not in the league, but the guys have not forgotten about Ryan. They have named this trophy the Ryan P. Sweeney Memorial Trophy. I am so blessed by this group of guys and their remembrance of Ryan!

all for a good cause

I have a blog friend named Kori (see above picture). She and I have chatted through emails, via Facebook, and even on the phone. Kori and I have a lot in common and a lot of the things we have in common are the difficulties of life. Her husband, Richard, has CF but is currently losing his battle against colon cancer. Kori is a godly woman facing the most difficult time in her life. She knows that her husband will soon be healed in heaven and that she will soon be facing life as a widow and a single mom to two children.

There is an auction being held tomorrow (August 11) over at Welcome to The Nut House! Be sure to head over there to check out all the different things being auctioned off. 100% of the money will be going to the McCulley Family Trust Fund to help with the expenses of life as Kori goes on medical leave to take care of her husband. Even if you cannot donate, please be praying for Kori, Richard, Calob, and Jacob as they face many difficult days ahead!

where does my encouragement come from?

a friend who is walking this path of grief with me
the smiles on the faces of my children
a listening ear when i need to cry
words of hope from the word of God
the words of the praise songs playing in the background
the knowledge that this life is short and that eternity is coming

a day at the beach...

My friend, Nikki, took all of these pictures! Thanks, Nikki! :)

July 2009 -- In Pictures

We are already half way through July and I really haven't posted any pictures on the blog to show what we have done, mainly because we have been busy!

Month in Review:

I started the month with a visit to Val's for her bridal shower! It was so nice to be able to celebrate with her and to get a 24 hour mini-vacation!

We went to the 4th of July parade that I have gone to since I was child...it is not what it used to be, but Lily and Wyatt enjoyed it.

We had a visit from Auntie Val and Dave. It was the first time Lily and Wyatt have met Dave and I am happy to report that they have "approved"! :)

We traveled to Navy Pier in Chicago to celebrate Grandma-Great's birthday with all of Ryan's family. It was a whirlwind trip, but it was wonderful to surprise Grandma!

We have spent a day at the beach with friend! (no pictures of that...sorry!)

What We've Been Up To

We enjoyed the rest of our trip to Illinois this week...here is what happened after our day in the city on Wednesday.

Wednesday night: we visited with some friends and then we had dinner with Papa Steve at Chili's -- YUM! We then headed back to our hotel, where the kids enjoyed sleeping in the big beds just a little too much.

Wyatt was bouncing around and fell off the bed. Thankfully the only thing he ended up with was a fat lip.

Thursday morning, my mom, the kids and I headed to IKEA. (I have not been there since before the kids were born.) We spent 3 hours there shopping, exploring, and eating. The kids loved it and so did I!

In the afternoon we headed back to the hotel for a rest. The kids needed a nap, so my mom stayed at the hotel with them and I went to my friend, Rachel's house for a visit. I have not seen her in way too long. It was so nice to be able to catch up with her and spend some time with her daughter, Maddie, who I have only met one other time!

After Rachel's house, I picked up my mom and the kids and we went over to Grammy's house for dinner. It was good to be able to spend time with Laurel, Grandma Jean, Aunt Linda, Brittany, and Cameron. Lily loved all over her "baby Cameron!"

Wyatt loved being silly!

Friday morning, we went out to Kandy's house to hang out. The kids (Jackson, Lily, and Wyatt) enjoyed playing together and I enjoyed loving on Addison Hope! :) We took the kids to a school by their house and let them run and play on the playground. It is so fun to see all that they are able to do this year!


The afternoon was again spent taking naps!


For dinner Friday night, we went to the home of a wonderful family, the Dunham's! It was so fun to be able to catch up with all of them (Doug and Patty; Kristen, Kevin, and Seth; and Stefanie and Daniel), as well as spend more time with Papa Steve! Kristen and Kevin just arrived "home" for the summer from Hungary where Kevin is a teacher at school for "missionary" kids. I hadn't seen them in almost 2 years -- I had never met their little boy, Seth! It was also fun to watch all of the kids (Daniel, Seth, Lily and Wyatt) while the big kids (Papa Steve, "Grandpa" Doug, and Kevin) chased them around.

Lily and Wyatt playing in the sand box with Seth.

Daniel (Stefanie's son) and Lily waiting for another ride in the wagon!

Saturday morning we loaded up and headed home in the rain. We had a lot of fun while we were gone, but there is nothing quite like sleeping in your own bed!

Monday we began our adventures in potty training. I have been dreading potty training since before I was ever pregnant. It seemed like such an impossible, messy, overwhelming task. But, Lily and Wyatt have done FABULOUS! I would say that after only 3 days we are at least 95% potty trained (still in diapers at night). They are both able to tell me when they need to go and they are both dry after naps (diapers just in case for a few more days). I am so glad that I waited until they were a little older and did not force the issue back in February/March when I originally started! They have done so well and they are so proud of themselves! Mommy is proud too! :)

Making brownies today just for fun! :)

Day in Pictures -- Chicago

Wrigley Field -- Ryan's Brick

Lincoln Park Zoo with our friends, the Woodard's

We also enjoyed driving on Lake Shore Drive...one of my favorite roads to drive on with Lake Michigan on one side and the parks and Chicago skyline on the other.

Blessed

BLESSED! That is the best word to describe how I feel today. I have been surrounded by family and friends over the last two days. We have celebrated Ryan's life together, as well as his 1st Heaven Birthday. I feel so loved and so at peace. God is good.

The Memorial Dinner hosted by 5/3rd Bank and Chapel Pointe was AMAZING! They thought of every little detail, right down to the "Donate Life" chocolates at every place setting. There was a ton for all of the kids to do: face painting, tattoos, balloon animals, a cake walk, a fire truck, golf cart rides, a bounce house, and cotton candy. There was live music and good conversation for the adults.

Our Day of Remembering today was equally overwhelming. I was surrounded by the people that have supported me over the last year. We enjoyed a potluck lunch here at the house and then we went to Daddy's Place (cemetery) where our pastor read scripture and talked about Ryan. We then sent balloons to Ryan for his 1st Heaven Birthday. It was so neat for me to watch all of the kids at the cemetery, many of them went and sat by Ryan's headstone for a little bit...it was precious!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to every one who made these days special! I appreciate you all!

I can now officially say that our first year is over. I am not sure exactly how that makes me feel. No different really, but I am entering this second year with a little apprehension. I have heard that the second year can be worse than the first. The numbness has worn off and the full reality of life has set in. It makes me wonder where I am actually at on this grief journey. I feel like I have been living in reality, but what will this next year bring? The one thing I do know for sure -- God is good and He will continue to be faithful for the next 12 months, just as He has been for the past 12!

DISNEY!

We had a terrific time on our trip to Walt Disney World. Here is a run-down of our time there...enjoy the slide show at the end! :)

Wednesday:
We left from our local airport without too much hassle. Both kids did AMAZING on the airplane. Wyatt even said "wee" when we took off. They both enjoyed the "bumps" (read: turbulence) and giggled throughout much of the trip.

We made our connecting flight in Atlanta with seconds to spare (not the most fun experience of my life, but we all survived). We then proceeded to sit in the airplane on the runway for an hour and a half...Lily and Wyatt did fantastic!

We landed in Orlando, grabbed our luggage, a bite to eat, and then the Disney Magical Express over to Disney World. We were greeted by my friend, Jenni, who I went to Clearwater Christian College with. She is actually a "Cast Member" at Disney and was able to bless us greatly during our trip! We found our cabin at Fort Wilderness and got the kids ready for bed. Jenni and I were able to run out and get a few groceries for our stay. Thanks so much for all you did, Jenni!

Thursday:
We began our day with an hour and a half transportation adventure. We took both a boat and a bus to get to our Character Breakfast with Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy at the Beach Club Resort. The food was delicious and worth all the effort it took to get there. Watching Lily and Wyatt interact with the different characters was priceless!

We then boarded another bus and headed over to explore Downtown Disney. The kids had fun going into all different shops and seeing Mickey and friends throughout it all. We all enjoyed our ice cream from Ghiradelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop. It was then back to Fort Wilderness from some rest time before returning to Downtown Disney for dinner at Earl of Sandwich.

Friday:
We met up with Jenni and her daughter, Lily, at Animal Kingdom. The first thing we did was go on the Kilimanjaro Safari. It was so neat to see the different animals up close! There was a baby giraffe only a few feet from our truck and a rhino actually crossed the road right in front of us. Jenni kept telling me that she couldn't believe how many animals were out...more than usual. We also enjoyed Finding Nemo -- The Musical while in Animal Kingdom.

After lunch, we all loaded in Jenni's car and drove over to Magic Kingdom. We were handed some FastPasses to the Winnie the Pooh ride which the kids loved! Lily was then able to meet her favorites: the princesses. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Belle were all just waiting for her! :)

We did a little more wandering and then headed back to Fort Wilderness for some rest and some time to cool off (it was in the 90's every day that we were at Disney). No one slept, but we did cool off! We (my mom and I) also decided it would be in our best interest to rent a golf cart to help us get around. (That was the main draw back to staying at the cabins, you have to get on an "internal" bus just to get to either the boats or the other buses to get anywhere.)

We took our newly acquired golf cart back to the marina and took a boat back to Magic Kingdom for dinner and more fun. We all enjoyed "It's A Small World"; it was fun to watch the kids faces and they looked at all the different scenes! The kids and I then went on the Magic Carpet Ride from Aladdin (similar to Dumbo). Wyatt surprised me by giggling and laughing through the whole ride! They then enjoyed some Mickey Ear ice cream before we headed back to our cabin for the night.

Saturday:
We had a much more relaxed day on Saturday. We slept in (7:30 instead of 6:30) and then explored Fort Wilderness on our golf cart while we waited for my friend, Laurie, and her kids, Zane and Sophia to come for the day. Laurie and I went to Trinity Christian College together! We enjoyed playing at the park and swimming together in the pool (where Wyatt once again surprised me with his laughter!). It was so good to see Laurie and meet her kids (I haven't seen Laurie since my wedding!).

Lily and Wyatt laid down for a nap, my dad took a hike, and my mom and I rested after Laurie and her kids left. After resting, we again went back to Downtown Disney for dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express. I thought the food was delicious! We did a little more shopping before heading back to our cabin one last time. :(

Sunday:
We packed up and got ready to start another LONG day of travel. It was a little stressful again in the airport, but we managed to make our flight. We got back home just before bedtime!

Overall, the trip was great! My parents were fantastic...I could not have made this trip without them! Lily and Wyatt amazed me with their flexibility and their enjoyment of all things! We were able to create memories that will last forever...and yes, I do hope to go back to Disney some day!

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