A Challenge for the End and Start of the Year

Written By James McDonald, Harvest Bible Chapel & Walk In The Word

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . . . Hebrews 12:1My son Luke and I were on the computer a while back when I asked for his password. He answered, "It's 'Keep on.'" I told him that was a great password and he said, "Oh Dad, that's my password for everything." Keep on. Keep on. Keep on.

For sure he'll change his password now, but I hope he'll never change his perspective. These two words are critical to success in life and in the Christian life. The biblical word is endurance or perseverance--the ability to keep on doing the things you have committed yourself to doing when you feel like it and when you don't. Nothing is more essential to success in the Christian life than perseverance. Faith gets you started; perseverance keeps you going.

This matter of perseverance is so critical to the Christian life that James 1 tells us that above all other human traits, perseverance is the characteristic that God is trying to build into your life and mine. The ability to keep on going. Keep making and keeping the commitments of life.

It's easy to start the race. All kinds of people get up in the morning and put their jogging suit on and begin to run. But when the miles click past and the muscles start to fatigue and life isn't easy anymore, what do they do? What do you do?

It's easy to put on a white dress or a tuxedo and get to the front of the church; everybody knows that. But to have a happening marriage--not for five--but for 15 or 40 years, that takes perseverance!

It's easy to conceive a child and, by comparison, it's easy to birth a child, but to keep on training and raising those kids day in and day out, following through on what you have said and taught--that takes commitment!

Might I say in addition to that, it's easy to pray a prayer and walk an aisle; it's easy to confess faith in Christ. But to keep on following Christ--even when the pressure is on--that takes staying power. "My brothers, consider it pure joy when you fall into various trials knowing that the trying of your faith produces perseverance."

Staying power! Did you know that if God could get that one thing into your life, He could give you everything else? James 1 goes on to say, "But let perseverance have its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (v.4).

This week we stand on the hinge between two years--2008 and 2009. How will these two years mark your life? Look back on 2008 for a moment. If your year was like mine, you can see some pretty significant peaks and valleys. Praise God for them. Praise God that at this year's end, you can stand before Him in faith and humility and say, "No matter what is behind me, I finish this year strong in Christ." Like Paul in Philippians 3:13-14 "but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" I press on--that's perseverance.

Now look ahead to 2009. You don't know what the year will bring, but you can be sure of this, God is faithful. His mercies will be new every morning of every day of the new year. There's power in the day when you start it with faith in God and a commitment to perseverance.

Keep on--it's a great password for 2009.

Christmas Videos

Our Christmas was wonderful! I could feel the prayers of so many people who love us. There were a few moments of sadness, but overall it was a time filled with joy. As I enjoy watching Lily and Wyatt play and imagine with their new toys, my heart "aches" for what Ryan is missing. I know that he is in a much better place and is not really missing anything, but I know that he would really have enjoyed this phase of Lily and Wyatt's lives if he were here with us.

Here are a few of the videos that I took of Lily and Wyatt over the course of our Christmas celebrations. I have more video of them opening presents, but I tried to pick just a few of my favorites, the ones that I hope will bring a smile to your face.

Lily and Wyatt with their Daddy blankets on Christmas Eve.

Lily and Wyatt were taught a new "trick" with coasters ... I have no idea where Lily gets her desire to have things lined up and not touching. :)

Lily got a doll house from Papa Steve. She has a terrific imagination and it is so fun to watch her play!

This is a video of Lily dancing to the music that Wyatt's new loader plays. I am not sure if she got her dancing abilities from Ryan or from me, but I think she is in trouble. :)

Christmas In Illinois

Christmas in Illinois...Lily and Wyatt got thoroughly spoiled by Papa Steve, Grammy, Auntie Amanda, Uncle Mark, Uncle Nick, Brittany, and Great-Grandma.

Merry Christmas!

Here are a few of the pictures from our Christmas! Enjoy!

Christmas In Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees, around the world below.
With tiny lights, like heavens stars, reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs, that people hold so dear,
But the sound of music can’t compare, with the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to hear an angel sing.

I Know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away we are really not apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear,
And be glad I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.

For after all ”LOVE” is a gift more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

SO please love and help each other as my father said to do
For I cannot count the blessings or the love HE has for you.

So please have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I cannot tell you of the splendor or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas with our Saviour face to face

I ask Him to lift your spirit, as I tell Him of your love,
So then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.

So please let your heart be joyful, and let your spirits sing
For I am spending Christmas in Heaven and I am walking with the King.

First Christmas

On the eve of our first Christmas without Ryan, I thought I would share with you the story of our first Christmas together...it should make you laugh. :)

Ryan and I had been married for almost 6 months when we had our first Christmas together. Ryan wanted to make sure that it was really special for me, so he went shopping with my best friend, Val. She had come into town to visit a few weeks before Christmas. I was busy with a bridal shower for a friend, so they had the perfect opportunity to head to the mall without me.

In Ryan's mind, it could get no better than taking my best friend shopping with him for my Christmas present, she knew me better than anyone. The immediately headed for my favorite store and Ryan saw an outfit in the window that he liked. It was nothing like I normally wore, but it was on the mannequin, so how could it be wrong? He asked Val her opinion (and not wanting to disappoint him) she told him it was nice, that I would like it.

When Christmas morning came, we were so excited to be spending our first Christmas together. We had a fire going in the fireplace, the Christmas lights on the tree were on, I think there was even some Christmas music playing. We sat on the floor to open our gifts, Ryan with a pile of about 5 things in front of him, and me with one lonely box. (We had set a budget, so I got him a lot of different small things, but all things that I thought he would enjoy.) He opened his gifts up first with a smile on his face.

Then it was my turn. Ryan was giddy, he was sure that he had gotten the perfect gift. I opened my present and saw that the box was from a store that I loved. Perfect. This was going to be so good! Then I opened the box. Inside lay a "Pepto-Bismol" pink shirt and a pair of eggplant colored plants. I think I tried to smile and be gracious, but Ryan could tell immediately that I was not overwhelmingly pleased. I think I even asked him if they weren't meant to be worn together; his response was "they were displayed together on the mannequin." I being the ever gracious gift receiver (ha ha) decided to try on the clothes. Not so much...the shirt was not flattering and the pants were floods! I was near tears and Ryan was so disappointed.

I know that I did not laugh about my gift that day, but as time passed, it became a joke between Ryan and I, and Val too. We laughed about it every Christmas there after.

I miss Ryan today. I wonder what he would have chosen for me this year (he probably would have let me pick it out myself, just to be safe). I am thankful for our memories together, that still make me laugh!

The Last Few Days...

We have gotten so much snow here in the last 5 days. We haven't gone out much because the weather has been so bad and "they" have been asking people to stay off the roads. We even had a snow day from church on Sunday. We are starting to get a little stir-crazy, but we have found things to occupy our time.

Lily got a hair cut, made a smiley face out of fruit magnets (Wyatt wanted her to stop saying "cheese"), and had to be a shepherd like her brother:

Wyatt (and Lily) have spent a lot of time reading "all by myself":

I have tried my hand at making truffles and peppermint patties (not sure why the truffles have become "spotted"):

We have watched the snow fall, and fall, and fall (this is our deck as of this afternoon...we are supposed to get another 10" by early Christmas morning):

Christmas Letter

December 2008

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been a long and difficult year, but God has been faithful and good through it all. As I think back to where we were a year ago, it brings tears to my eyes. Yes, Ryan was here with us, but he was suffering. Each breath that he was taking took much effort and he had just begun to wear oxygen 24 hours a day, even little tasks were becoming extremely difficult for him. I remember a conversation we had around New Year’s where he told me that “2008 was going to be a better health year, it had to be because 2007 was so difficult.” In the end, I suppose he was right. The first 5 months of 2008 were difficult for Ryan health-wise, but since June 6, Ryan has been experiencing the best health of his life – in heaven.

It may sound odd to many of you, but I am so thankful for the ten and a half weeks that we had together at the University Hospital. It was time that we were able to spend together, most of the time it was just the two of us. We laughed together; we cried together; we talked together. Those weeks were a gift that I will forever treasure in my heart! Ryan fought so hard, but in the end God said that it was his time to come home, and we were left to say good-bye.

I miss Ryan every day. Lily and Wyatt miss their Daddy. But, God has been abundantly faithful in our lives. He has given me the strength to continue on with the life he has given to me. He has brought me moments of great joy in my children. He has provided all of you, our family and friends, who have lifted us up in prayer and walked beside us through the darkest time in our lives. He has provided for us in many ways, allowing me to be able to stay home and enjoy the lives of my children.

Lily and Wyatt have grown and changed so much in the last year. They have gained independence and their vocabulary has exploded! They love their weekly trips to TotZone at church and they LOVE playing together. They enjoy being outside and have enjoyed their time in the snow already this winter. Both kids love to read books and have started learning to recognize their letters. Lily has her Daddy’s personality and his sense of humor; she loves to laugh and she is very outgoing. She is quite the little mommy and loves her “babies” very much. Wyatt is much more reserved than Lily, but still loves life. He enjoys driving his trucks and tractors and will point out all the different types he sees as we drive down the road.

As 2008 comes to an end, I can honestly say that God is good, ALL the time! I am sure there will be difficult days ahead, but God will continue to be faithful.

Merry Christmas to all of you!
Love, Kristin, Lily and Wyatt Sweeney

Presents from Daddy

There are two things that I am really excited for Lily and Wyatt to get for Christmas. They are both from Daddy. If you knew Ryan at all, you know that he was usually in a dress shirt or pajama pants. I took those two items of clothing and had things made for Lily and Wyatt (and myself) for Christmas.

The first thing that Lily and Wyatt will be getting from Daddy is a quilt made out of several of his dress shirts. All three of us will have similar quilts, but there are some minor differences to make them unique: Lily's has a purple back and I only used the multi-colored stripe; Wyatt's is almost exactly like mine, minus one plaid, with a blue back; mine has a green back (it isn't done yet).

Lily's Quilt

Wyatt's Quilt

The second thing that Lily and Wyatt will be getting from Daddy is a teddy bear made out of his pajama pants. These are so cute and I can't wait to see their reaction when they open them (they have already seen mine and love to cuddle with it). I will have to take pictures of the bears after the kids open them, because I forgot to take the pictures before I wrapped them.

These gifts are priceless treasures!

Thank you so much to everyone who made these gifts! The quilts were sewn by my mom with a little guidance from my grandma. All of the squares were cut by my Pointe Group friends. The bears were made by a wonderful woman from our church.

Let Me Grieve, But Not Forever

I am currently reading the book: Let me Grieve, But Not Forever by Verdell Davis. A good friend of mine sent me this book this summer and I must admit, it has been on my shelf for months. (I love reading, but I usually stick to fiction.) I was searching the house for something to read last week and I picked up this book. It is terrific. It is written by a Christian woman who lost her husband in a tragic accident. It is her story of grief, but more importantly it is her story of faith and trusting God in her grief. For anyone who is grieving ANY loss right now, I highly recommend this book. I have not actually finished it, but when I do, I plan on reading it again...I want to make sure I don't miss anything.

On June 28, 1987, four Dallas-based Christian leaders were killed in an airplane crash as they were returning from a Focus on the Family retreat in Montana: George L. Clark, chairman of the board and CEO of MBank; Dr. Trevor E. Mabery, a surgeon who helped found Humana Hospital-Medical City; Hugo W. Schoelkopf III, an entrepreneur and sporting goods manufacturer; and Creath Davis, founder and director of Christian Concern Foundation. Among the losses their families shared, Creath's wife, Verdell, also lost part of her identity: No longer was she a pastor's wife, and no longer was she sure what she believed. This deeply moving book, gleaned from parts of journals that she kept during the loss of her husband, offers a source of hope and healing for anyone experiencing grief. With remarkable honesty, courage, and generosity, she shares how to examine grief and ultimately find healing in the process.

Thank You Aunt Cathy and Uncle Dave!

I think Lily and Wyatt are really going to enjoy Christmas. They got to open a present from Auntie Val yesterday and now today they got a package in the mail from Aunt Cathy and Uncle Dave. They were so excited to get to open another gift! They LOVE their place mats and they are very excited about their chocolate! Thank you, Aunt Cathy and Uncle Dave!

I also had to share this picture of Wyatt, my little shepherd!

Christmas Fun from the Sweeney's

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I hope that this video makes you smile. I have seen two that friends have done and I have laughed out loud (thanks for the inspiration Val and Laura!). Please take the time to scroll down to the next post and watch that video as well...that is the TRUE meaning of Christmas!

**Don't forget to turn off the music on the right side of the blog.**

The Good News

With Christmas coming, I have been trying to teach Lily and Wyatt what the true meaning of Christmas is. We have been reading the Christmas story in their bible almost every day for the last few weeks. They often "read" along with me, so I thought I would share with you their version of what the angels told the shepherds out in the fields of Bethlehem. It truly makes my heart smile to hear my children hiding God's word in their hearts!

Translation of Lily and Wyatt (from The BIG Picture Story Bible):

"I bring you good news...for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord...You will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger."

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!"

** Remember to turn off the music on the right hand side of the blog.**

Thomas the Train (from Auntie Val)

I was able to have dinner with Val for my birthday last night. She had purchased a small gift for the kids for Christmas. I was given strict orders: take pictures of them opening it and be sure to give it it's own blog post.

Well, Auntie Val, they LOVED their magnetic Thomas. They played with it all night! Hopefully you understood the message that they left for you on your phone.

Enjoy Florida and Wisconsin! We will miss you!!!!!

Birthday Blessings

Today is my birthday. It is a bittersweet day for me. I am missing Ryan, but I am feeling very loved by all who have taken the time to send me birthday wishes. Lily and Wyatt keep saying, "happy birfday, mommy" and giving me lots of hugs. The girls from church took me out for lunch and made sure that I had a few of my favorite things today. I am so blessed!

I also received a treasure today! An anonymous person sent me flowers. The card reads: Kristin, Ryan would have wanted you to have these today. I have no idea who sent these, but thank you for your thoughtfulness today!

Chicago!

I had a great trip to Chicago with Jessica and Kelly. We enjoyed many of the Chicago sites while desperately trying to stay warm! It was great to get away!

Honesty

Lately I have found it very difficult to come to the blog and share my heart. My desire is to bring God glory through the things I say on this blog, so I am sometimes left to wonder if sharing the pain of my grief is the right thing to do. I don't want any one reading my thoughts and thinking that I don't believe that God is good or that God is sovereign. I TRULY believe both of those things. But, I also believe that God gave me these emotions that come with my grief. So it is my desire to continue to share my heart and my emotions here; to let people know what grief is like (for me). I had NO idea what grief was really like before Ryan died and I think most people don't truly understand until they have experienced it first hand themselves.

The past week has been one of the most difficult weeks I have experienced since Ryan's death. The anniversary markers are always difficult, but 6 months was more difficult. Even on Friday (the 5th), I was struggling. I was again drawn back to the final hours of Ryan's life -- the things he was going through and the difficult decisions that I had to make.

Saturday was just hard. I was missing Ryan and I was emotional. Then I ended up getting the stomach flu. I don't know any mom who thinks having the stomach flu is easy, but it amplified the loss of Ryan, my husband, my partner, to an even higher degree. There was no one there to keep me company, bring me a blanket, run out to the store and get the things I needed, feed, play with, or distract the kids. (Unfortunately my parents were out of town; fortunately my friend sent her husband to the store and he dropped off a few things -- THANK YOU!) I cried, the kids cried, but we all survived (and thankfully neither of them got sick!). Having the stomach flu was also a reminder of the night I had to call an ambulance for Ryan (he never came home again), because I had the stomach flu that night and was unable to go to the hospital with him. Again, more tears.

My kids have also broken my heart this week. Something seems to have triggered "Daddy" for them. Both Lily and Wyatt have cried "I want Daddy" this week a few times (it rarely occurs). They have wanted to watch their Daddy videos over and over. It seems so unfair that they can't have their Daddy. It seems so unfair that they have to try and comprehend what it means that Daddy is in heaven with Jesus, that no, they cannot go to heaven right now, but that they have to wait until Jesus says it is their turn. Oh how I wish the 3 of us could hop on a plane for heaven right now!

The other thing making this week difficult is my upcoming birthday. I was not looking forward to my birthday anyway, but having to "celebrate" without Ryan is incomprehensible to me. We never made a huge deal out of birthdays, but Ryan always made sure to make me feel special anyway that he could. When I was teaching, he would often take the day off from work and bring me lunch and hang out while I graded exams. One year, he decorated the house in a luau theme, bought me a Dairy Queen ice cream cake (my favorite!) and invited a bunch of friends over to just hang out...after going out to dinner at Cheeseburger In Paradise. I miss the person who always managed to make me feel special!

Through the sadness of this week, there have been blessings. I went to lunch yesterday with two of Ryan's co-workers. (This is the second time we have done it and we are hoping to make it a monthly occurrence.) They came to the restaurant with a HUGE bag full of Christmas gifts for the kids and I from our "5/3rd Family". These people continue to make me feel so loved. They continue to show me the kind of impact my husband had on the people around him. I also received a Christmas gift in the mail from former clients of Ryan's when he worked at Ameriprise. This couple contacted me because of Ryan's impact on their life. I had an amazing husband! Tomorrow, I will head out with some friends to visit the great city of Chicago. I am looking forward to this time away and this distraction from sadness.

I am thankful for what God is doing in my life, even if it does hurt a little (or a lot sometimes)! As I said in my last post, I know that he is using these experiences to shape me into the person he wants and needs me to be.

What God's Doing...

Many, many times since Ryan has died I have wondered what God's plan is. I know that his plan is bigger than mine and I need to trust in that. I know that God is at work in me. He is changing me through my grief; he is transforming me into some one that I could not have become without this experience. It is my goal to wake up each day and ask God to use me for his purpose. Some days life just seems chaotic, but I must persevere and trust God.



Please take the time to listen to the words of this song. I hope they touch your heart as they have mine...

(Remember to pause the music on the right hand side of the blog.)

6 Months

1/2 year

6 months

26 weeks

183 days

263,520 minutes

15,811,200 seconds

Each of the above numbers represents how much time Ryan has been in heaven. It is so hard for me to believe that it has been 6 months. It is hard for me to believe that I have had to endure for half a year without Ryan. It is hard for me to believe that he will not come walking through the door at any moment or that he will not be here to celebrate Christmas with us. I wake up each morning and have to remind myself what day it is. I have to remind myself what is going on that day, what I have to look forward to. I have to remind myself that Ryan is in heaven and that he is happy and healthy.

It is funny how my mind works because I continually think, "if I can get through this it will get better" or "once I get past (Thanksgiving) it will get better." Getting through things or past holidays does not change anything. I don't think there is a certain activity that will make the hurt go away. This ache, this grief, will always be a part of my life. It will just diminish with time.

This grief is shaping who I am as a person. It is teaching me what is really important in life. It is not about things, but it is about relationships. It is about loving those around me and cherishing each moment I am given. It is helping me grow in my walk with my Savior. It is teaching me to fully rely on his strength because mine is not enough. I know that it is only through God's sustaining grace that I have survived the past 6 months and that only through his sustaining grace I will continue on their journey.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 Dave Branon (Our Daily Bread 12/1/2008) wrote: For now, those of us who weep can dwell on hope instead of hopelessness and anticipation instead of sorrow. It may be nighttime in our hearts, but just ahead lies the dawn of eternity. And with, God promises the endless joy of heavenly morning.

Someday my grief will turn to joy!

Winter Fun at "Daddy's Place"

The kids have been asking to go to "Daddy's Place." So yesterday I bundled them up in their winter gear and we headed to the cemetery. They loved walking around in the snow (the cold doesn't seem to bother them nearly as much as it does Mommy). Wyatt was making snowmen (putting hand prints in the snow) for Daddy every couple of feet. It was very sweet. I told them that once we have some packing snow we can go back and make Daddy a real snowman.

Christmas Picture

After some pressure from a certain someone who will remain unnamed (but resides in the state of IL and is the maternal relative of my husband), I decided to tackle the task of a Christmas picture of Lily and Wyatt. The request was for a picture of the two of them in front of our Christmas tree. Now please remember that this picture is to be of two 2 1/2 year olds and also remember that one of these 2 1/2 year olds has a bad cold, has not slept through the night in a few days and has not napped well lately either. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Attempt number one was a disaster that went from bad to worse.

So far, so good, two kids under the tree, but no one is looking.

Okay, now Wyatt is looking but with squinty eyes.

Lily is still refusing to look and Wyatt is getting bored.

Wyatt is doing a great job in this one, too bad Lily is MIA.

Lily is back, but look at that boo-boo lip!

Okay, we have lost her...attempt number one is officially OVER!

Attempt number two (at a friend's house, not even our own Christmas tree):

Two kids in front of the tree, both looking...progress.

Two kids in front of the tree, one looking and has a smile.

Cute, but lacking one face.

Again, cute but now lacking the other face.

Hmm...progress??

Hey, Lily, what do you have?

Still in front of the tree, but still no success.

Finally, both looking and even one smile!

Merry Christmas!