I went to bed last night and my mind began to wander. All of a sudden I was hit with the thought that "tomorrow is March 23". Then I began to realize that the last night Ryan and I slept in the same bed was March 22, 2008.
It has been two years since I have had my husband sleeping next to me. Two years since I was woken up by him telling me he needed to go to the emergency room. Two years since my once normal life was turned upside-down...
Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
two year stretch
two years since it all began.
it is so hard to believe that it has already been two years since things started to go downhill. friday was the two year mark of ryan's unexpected hospitalization because he was too sick to have his heart cath done (not when he went on the ventilator).
i can still shut my eyes and see so many of those moments clearly. the walk down to the er. the tiny little room where we had to wait for hours to be admitted. the drive to meijer to get some clothes for our unexpected stay. the dark hotel room i had to sleep in by myself. the first visits to the cafeteria at u of m. the phone calls i had to make.
it was two years ago today that our family and friends moved us from our two bedroom townhouse to our three bedroom one so that life would be a little easier for ryan at home. it was a "home" that ryan only got to live in for 5 short days.
in a few short days, it will be two years since ryan left for the hospital to never come home again.
two years ago, lily and wyatt were not even 2 yet. they have spent almost half of their little lives without their daddy. it seems so unfair.
yesterday we were in lily's room and wyatt looked at her picture of ryan and said, "i miss daddy." it broke my heart. i miss daddy too!
i miss his laughter.
i miss his smile.
i miss his hugs.
i miss holding his hand.
i miss his voice.
i miss hearing him play with lily and wyatt.
i miss the sound of him breathing beside me each night.
i miss his encouragement.
i miss helping him with his treatments.
i miss watching tv shows with him.
i miss his explanations of all things political.
i miss sitting next to him in church.
i miss eating dinner with him.
i miss packing his lunch each day.
i miss helping him pick just the right tie for work.
i miss nagging him to pick up his stuff around the house.
even though it has been two years since it all "began" it still hurts. it seems to be hurting more lately than it has in awhile. maybe it is because all the memories. maybe it is because of the fact that life keeps moving forward and ryan isn't in it. whatever the reason, it hurts.
it is so hard to believe that it has already been two years since things started to go downhill. friday was the two year mark of ryan's unexpected hospitalization because he was too sick to have his heart cath done (not when he went on the ventilator).
i can still shut my eyes and see so many of those moments clearly. the walk down to the er. the tiny little room where we had to wait for hours to be admitted. the drive to meijer to get some clothes for our unexpected stay. the dark hotel room i had to sleep in by myself. the first visits to the cafeteria at u of m. the phone calls i had to make.
it was two years ago today that our family and friends moved us from our two bedroom townhouse to our three bedroom one so that life would be a little easier for ryan at home. it was a "home" that ryan only got to live in for 5 short days.
in a few short days, it will be two years since ryan left for the hospital to never come home again.
two years ago, lily and wyatt were not even 2 yet. they have spent almost half of their little lives without their daddy. it seems so unfair.
yesterday we were in lily's room and wyatt looked at her picture of ryan and said, "i miss daddy." it broke my heart. i miss daddy too!
i miss his laughter.
i miss his smile.
i miss his hugs.
i miss holding his hand.
i miss his voice.
i miss hearing him play with lily and wyatt.
i miss the sound of him breathing beside me each night.
i miss his encouragement.
i miss helping him with his treatments.
i miss watching tv shows with him.
i miss his explanations of all things political.
i miss sitting next to him in church.
i miss eating dinner with him.
i miss packing his lunch each day.
i miss helping him pick just the right tie for work.
i miss nagging him to pick up his stuff around the house.
even though it has been two years since it all "began" it still hurts. it seems to be hurting more lately than it has in awhile. maybe it is because all the memories. maybe it is because of the fact that life keeps moving forward and ryan isn't in it. whatever the reason, it hurts.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Blessed
BLESSED! That is the best word to describe how I feel today. I have been surrounded by family and friends over the last two days. We have celebrated Ryan's life together, as well as his 1st Heaven Birthday. I feel so loved and so at peace. God is good.
The Memorial Dinner hosted by 5/3rd Bank and Chapel Pointe was AMAZING! They thought of every little detail, right down to the "Donate Life" chocolates at every place setting. There was a ton for all of the kids to do: face painting, tattoos, balloon animals, a cake walk, a fire truck, golf cart rides, a bounce house, and cotton candy. There was live music and good conversation for the adults.
Our Day of Remembering today was equally overwhelming. I was surrounded by the people that have supported me over the last year. We enjoyed a potluck lunch here at the house and then we went to Daddy's Place (cemetery) where our pastor read scripture and talked about Ryan. We then sent balloons to Ryan for his 1st Heaven Birthday. It was so neat for me to watch all of the kids at the cemetery, many of them went and sat by Ryan's headstone for a little bit...it was precious!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to every one who made these days special! I appreciate you all!
I can now officially say that our first year is over. I am not sure exactly how that makes me feel. No different really, but I am entering this second year with a little apprehension. I have heard that the second year can be worse than the first. The numbness has worn off and the full reality of life has set in. It makes me wonder where I am actually at on this grief journey. I feel like I have been living in reality, but what will this next year bring? The one thing I do know for sure -- God is good and He will continue to be faithful for the next 12 months, just as He has been for the past 12!
The Memorial Dinner hosted by 5/3rd Bank and Chapel Pointe was AMAZING! They thought of every little detail, right down to the "Donate Life" chocolates at every place setting. There was a ton for all of the kids to do: face painting, tattoos, balloon animals, a cake walk, a fire truck, golf cart rides, a bounce house, and cotton candy. There was live music and good conversation for the adults.
Our Day of Remembering today was equally overwhelming. I was surrounded by the people that have supported me over the last year. We enjoyed a potluck lunch here at the house and then we went to Daddy's Place (cemetery) where our pastor read scripture and talked about Ryan. We then sent balloons to Ryan for his 1st Heaven Birthday. It was so neat for me to watch all of the kids at the cemetery, many of them went and sat by Ryan's headstone for a little bit...it was precious!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to every one who made these days special! I appreciate you all!
I can now officially say that our first year is over. I am not sure exactly how that makes me feel. No different really, but I am entering this second year with a little apprehension. I have heard that the second year can be worse than the first. The numbness has worn off and the full reality of life has set in. It makes me wonder where I am actually at on this grief journey. I feel like I have been living in reality, but what will this next year bring? The one thing I do know for sure -- God is good and He will continue to be faithful for the next 12 months, just as He has been for the past 12!
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Worst Day
Tomorrow, June 6, 2009, is the one year anniversary of Ryan's death. Today, June 5, 2009, is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. Maybe that doesn't make sense. Maybe I don't see things clearly. Maybe tomorrow I will think differently. But, if you were to have asked me any time in the past 365 days, I would have told you that June 5 was by far the worst day of my life.
June 5 was the day that:
June 5 was the day that:
- I was called to the hospital at 1:30 am.
- I walked into CCMU to find a crash cart outside my husband's room.
- I felt the world falling apart.
- Ryan told me he just wanted to sleep, he didn't feel up to fighting right now.
- Ryan was given medicine to help him rest, with the hope that in 3 or 4 days he would be feeling better.
- Ryan was again placed on "hold".
- I began to really realize things might not work out as "planned".
- I was told I needed to decide what life saving measures I wanted to be carried out.
- I forgot how to breathe.
- I was advised to let Ryan go.
- I decided it was our turn to give someone else a chance at a new life.
- I had to call people who loved us to share devastating news and ask for prayers of strength.
- I had to begin to say good-bye.
June 5, 2008 will always be the day that changed my life. The day when I had to let go of my hopes, my dreams, my future, my husband. It was the day that I had to truly start clinging to Jesus -- without Him, I would not have endured the past 365 days.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Memorial Day
Memorial Day 2007
Memorial Day was one of Ryan's favorite holidays. He was always very grateful to the men and women who have fought and to those who contine to fight for the freedom of our country. (He actually tried to sign up for the armed services himself, but due to his health, he was unable to serve.) Ryan would always be one of the first people to stand up and clap as the veterans made their way past us in the parade.Tomorrow is Memorial Day. We are going to the parade and then heading to my parents' house for a family cookout. It won't be the same, but we will go and I will try and teach Lily and Wyatt the importance of honoring our veterans -- I know Ryan would have made sure they understood!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Remembering Ryan
**PLEASE MAKE SURE TO SEND IN THE REGISTRATION FORM ( I CAN EMAIL YOU AN ACTUAL FORM IF NEEDED, JUST LET ME KNOW) FOR THE EVENT ON FRIDAY, JUNE 5. PLEASE RSVP TO MY EMAIL FOR THE EVENT ON SATURDAY, JUNE 6. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING US!**
Two weeks from tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of Ryan's death. It is so hard for me to believe that this much time has passed. Many of you have asked me what you can do for me during this time or what I will be doing in Ryan's honor. There are actually two things happening that weekend, one that is being planned for our family and one that I am planning.
The first event is the Ryan Sweeney Family Memorial Dinner and Fundraiser on Friday, June 5. The people that Ryan worked with at 5/3rd have teamed up with my church family to honor Ryan and to bless our family. They have asked me to share the details with all of you:
The first event is the Ryan Sweeney Family Memorial Dinner and Fundraiser on Friday, June 5. The people that Ryan worked with at 5/3rd have teamed up with my church family to honor Ryan and to bless our family. They have asked me to share the details with all of you:
Ryan Sweeney FamilyMemorial Dinner and Fundraiser
Friday, June 5, 2009
Chapel Pointe Church
Chapel Pointe Church
3350 Baldwin Street Hudsonville, MI 49426
Spaghetti Dinner Served 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.
Includes spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, desserts and refreshments
Children’s activities include a cake walk, temporary tattoos and face painting, inflatable play gym, Touch‐A‐Truck Fire Truck Tour courtesy of Georgetown Fire Department
Net proceeds will benefit the Sweeney Family Memorial Fund.
Minimum Donation Requested:
Adults / $10 each
Children 3‐10yrs / $5 each
Children under 3yrs / free
Children under 3yrs / free
To volunteer at the event, please contact Lisa Sharp at 616‐653‐5432 or Lisa.Sharp@53.com
Registration Form - Please return form along with a check payable to Sweeney Memorial Fund, to Fifth Third Bank, c/o Janis Lea-Wireman, 111 Lyon Street NW, Maildrop RMOBGG, Grand Rapids, MI 49503. For information, call (616) 653-5228 or e-mail Janis.Lea-Wireman@53.com.
Name: _______________________________________
Phone: __________________
Phone: __________________
Address: _____________________________________________
E-mail: _______________________________________________________
E-mail: _______________________________________________________
Yes, we would like to attend:
Number of Adults: _____ @ $10.00 each
Number of Children: _____ @ $5.00 each
Number of Adults: _____ @ $10.00 each
Number of Children: _____ @ $5.00 each
No, we cannot attend, but we would like to contribute $ ________ toward the Sweeney Family Memorial Fund.
Total Amount Enclosed: $__________
I would like to volunteer at the event. Y / N (circle one)
Please contact me at the number/e-mail (circle one) above.
Here are the details of the second event being held to remember Ryan:
Here are the details of the second event being held to remember Ryan:
A Day of Remembering
Who: Anyone who wants to come and remember Ryan.
When: Saturday, June 6 at noon (EST)
Where: Our Home
What: A potluck lunch; videos of Ryan; stories, laughter and tears.
I will have a journal available for you to share your stories and memories of Ryan that I can one day pass along to Lily and Wyatt.
Following the lunch it is my desire to head over to the cemetery where we will let off balloons (probably around 1:30/2:00).
Please let me know if you will be joining us for this event so that I can plan accordingly (rksweeney@sbcglobal.net). Please feel free to come for part or all of this event. If you were able to bring a dish to pass that would be extremely appreciated. I am hoping for beautiful weather so we can spread out outside (please bring a lawn chair). I will be providing the balloons, so please let me know if you will be joining us at the cemetery.
Thank you so much for your love and support during this difficult time!
Monday, May 11, 2009
DISNEY!
We had a terrific time on our trip to Walt Disney World. Here is a run-down of our time there...enjoy the slide show at the end! :)
Wednesday:
We left from our local airport without too much hassle. Both kids did AMAZING on the airplane. Wyatt even said "wee" when we took off. They both enjoyed the "bumps" (read: turbulence) and giggled throughout much of the trip.
We made our connecting flight in Atlanta with seconds to spare (not the most fun experience of my life, but we all survived). We then proceeded to sit in the airplane on the runway for an hour and a half...Lily and Wyatt did fantastic!
We landed in Orlando, grabbed our luggage, a bite to eat, and then the Disney Magical Express over to Disney World. We were greeted by my friend, Jenni, who I went to Clearwater Christian College with. She is actually a "Cast Member" at Disney and was able to bless us greatly during our trip! We found our cabin at Fort Wilderness and got the kids ready for bed. Jenni and I were able to run out and get a few groceries for our stay. Thanks so much for all you did, Jenni!
Thursday:
We began our day with an hour and a half transportation adventure. We took both a boat and a bus to get to our Character Breakfast with Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy at the Beach Club Resort. The food was delicious and worth all the effort it took to get there. Watching Lily and Wyatt interact with the different characters was priceless!
We then boarded another bus and headed over to explore Downtown Disney. The kids had fun going into all different shops and seeing Mickey and friends throughout it all. We all enjoyed our ice cream from Ghiradelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop. It was then back to Fort Wilderness from some rest time before returning to Downtown Disney for dinner at Earl of Sandwich.
Friday:
We met up with Jenni and her daughter, Lily, at Animal Kingdom. The first thing we did was go on the Kilimanjaro Safari. It was so neat to see the different animals up close! There was a baby giraffe only a few feet from our truck and a rhino actually crossed the road right in front of us. Jenni kept telling me that she couldn't believe how many animals were out...more than usual. We also enjoyed Finding Nemo -- The Musical while in Animal Kingdom.
After lunch, we all loaded in Jenni's car and drove over to Magic Kingdom. We were handed some FastPasses to the Winnie the Pooh ride which the kids loved! Lily was then able to meet her favorites: the princesses. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Belle were all just waiting for her! :)
We did a little more wandering and then headed back to Fort Wilderness for some rest and some time to cool off (it was in the 90's every day that we were at Disney). No one slept, but we did cool off! We (my mom and I) also decided it would be in our best interest to rent a golf cart to help us get around. (That was the main draw back to staying at the cabins, you have to get on an "internal" bus just to get to either the boats or the other buses to get anywhere.)
We took our newly acquired golf cart back to the marina and took a boat back to Magic Kingdom for dinner and more fun. We all enjoyed "It's A Small World"; it was fun to watch the kids faces and they looked at all the different scenes! The kids and I then went on the Magic Carpet Ride from Aladdin (similar to Dumbo). Wyatt surprised me by giggling and laughing through the whole ride! They then enjoyed some Mickey Ear ice cream before we headed back to our cabin for the night.
Saturday:
We had a much more relaxed day on Saturday. We slept in (7:30 instead of 6:30) and then explored Fort Wilderness on our golf cart while we waited for my friend, Laurie, and her kids, Zane and Sophia to come for the day. Laurie and I went to Trinity Christian College together! We enjoyed playing at the park and swimming together in the pool (where Wyatt once again surprised me with his laughter!). It was so good to see Laurie and meet her kids (I haven't seen Laurie since my wedding!).
Lily and Wyatt laid down for a nap, my dad took a hike, and my mom and I rested after Laurie and her kids left. After resting, we again went back to Downtown Disney for dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express. I thought the food was delicious! We did a little more shopping before heading back to our cabin one last time. :(
Sunday:
We packed up and got ready to start another LONG day of travel. It was a little stressful again in the airport, but we managed to make our flight. We got back home just before bedtime!
Overall, the trip was great! My parents were fantastic...I could not have made this trip without them! Lily and Wyatt amazed me with their flexibility and their enjoyment of all things! We were able to create memories that will last forever...and yes, I do hope to go back to Disney some day!
Wednesday:
We left from our local airport without too much hassle. Both kids did AMAZING on the airplane. Wyatt even said "wee" when we took off. They both enjoyed the "bumps" (read: turbulence) and giggled throughout much of the trip.
We made our connecting flight in Atlanta with seconds to spare (not the most fun experience of my life, but we all survived). We then proceeded to sit in the airplane on the runway for an hour and a half...Lily and Wyatt did fantastic!
We landed in Orlando, grabbed our luggage, a bite to eat, and then the Disney Magical Express over to Disney World. We were greeted by my friend, Jenni, who I went to Clearwater Christian College with. She is actually a "Cast Member" at Disney and was able to bless us greatly during our trip! We found our cabin at Fort Wilderness and got the kids ready for bed. Jenni and I were able to run out and get a few groceries for our stay. Thanks so much for all you did, Jenni!
Thursday:
We began our day with an hour and a half transportation adventure. We took both a boat and a bus to get to our Character Breakfast with Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy at the Beach Club Resort. The food was delicious and worth all the effort it took to get there. Watching Lily and Wyatt interact with the different characters was priceless!
We then boarded another bus and headed over to explore Downtown Disney. The kids had fun going into all different shops and seeing Mickey and friends throughout it all. We all enjoyed our ice cream from Ghiradelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop. It was then back to Fort Wilderness from some rest time before returning to Downtown Disney for dinner at Earl of Sandwich.
Friday:
We met up with Jenni and her daughter, Lily, at Animal Kingdom. The first thing we did was go on the Kilimanjaro Safari. It was so neat to see the different animals up close! There was a baby giraffe only a few feet from our truck and a rhino actually crossed the road right in front of us. Jenni kept telling me that she couldn't believe how many animals were out...more than usual. We also enjoyed Finding Nemo -- The Musical while in Animal Kingdom.
After lunch, we all loaded in Jenni's car and drove over to Magic Kingdom. We were handed some FastPasses to the Winnie the Pooh ride which the kids loved! Lily was then able to meet her favorites: the princesses. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Belle were all just waiting for her! :)
We did a little more wandering and then headed back to Fort Wilderness for some rest and some time to cool off (it was in the 90's every day that we were at Disney). No one slept, but we did cool off! We (my mom and I) also decided it would be in our best interest to rent a golf cart to help us get around. (That was the main draw back to staying at the cabins, you have to get on an "internal" bus just to get to either the boats or the other buses to get anywhere.)
We took our newly acquired golf cart back to the marina and took a boat back to Magic Kingdom for dinner and more fun. We all enjoyed "It's A Small World"; it was fun to watch the kids faces and they looked at all the different scenes! The kids and I then went on the Magic Carpet Ride from Aladdin (similar to Dumbo). Wyatt surprised me by giggling and laughing through the whole ride! They then enjoyed some Mickey Ear ice cream before we headed back to our cabin for the night.
Saturday:
We had a much more relaxed day on Saturday. We slept in (7:30 instead of 6:30) and then explored Fort Wilderness on our golf cart while we waited for my friend, Laurie, and her kids, Zane and Sophia to come for the day. Laurie and I went to Trinity Christian College together! We enjoyed playing at the park and swimming together in the pool (where Wyatt once again surprised me with his laughter!). It was so good to see Laurie and meet her kids (I haven't seen Laurie since my wedding!).
Lily and Wyatt laid down for a nap, my dad took a hike, and my mom and I rested after Laurie and her kids left. After resting, we again went back to Downtown Disney for dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express. I thought the food was delicious! We did a little more shopping before heading back to our cabin one last time. :(
Sunday:
We packed up and got ready to start another LONG day of travel. It was a little stressful again in the airport, but we managed to make our flight. We got back home just before bedtime!
Overall, the trip was great! My parents were fantastic...I could not have made this trip without them! Lily and Wyatt amazed me with their flexibility and their enjoyment of all things! We were able to create memories that will last forever...and yes, I do hope to go back to Disney some day!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
It's Finally Here...
Today is the day. It is May 6, 2009. The kids and I (along with my parents) will be boarding a plane and heading to the place where dreams come true. I wonder what our trip will actually look like. What will make the kids laugh? What will put a look of pure awe on their faces? What moments will I cherish forever? I can't wait to spend this time with the kids. I can't wait to have this time away. I can't wait to create new and happy memories with Lily and Wyatt!
Today is the day. It is May 6, 2009. Today marks the 11 month anniversary of Ryan's death. I have only one more month to prepare for June 6, 2009. What will make me cry? How will I handle that day? What will I do to honor Ryan's memory and celebrate, yes, celebrate his first heaven birthday?
Today is the day. A bittersweet day. A day filled with great anticipation. A day to create new memories. A day to remember.
Today is the day. It is May 6, 2009. Today marks the 11 month anniversary of Ryan's death. I have only one more month to prepare for June 6, 2009. What will make me cry? How will I handle that day? What will I do to honor Ryan's memory and celebrate, yes, celebrate his first heaven birthday?
Today is the day. A bittersweet day. A day filled with great anticipation. A day to create new memories. A day to remember.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine Memory...
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Well, it is Valentine's Day. A day to spend with the one you love. It is the day that started it all for Ryan and I seven years ago. Here is the story I have written in my journal of memories about Ryan (thanks, Kelly!!!):
Our first date wasn't really even a date. Ryan and I were both single and not loving the idea of Valentine's Day as February 14, 2002 rolled around. I mentioned my disdain for the upcoming holiday to Laurel (his mom) and somehow it came out that Ryan felt the same way. We ended up agreeing that we would meet for dinner at Famous Dave's, both of us wearing black.
It was really meant to be a friend thing. I didn't know Ryan that well. We had chatted a few times at his sister's basketball games and at a Super Bowl Party his parents had, but that was the extent of our friendship.
I remember being a little nervous, but overall I was just glad I wouldn't be sitting at home alone on Valentine's Day. Ryan was a true sweetheart and a hopeless romantic. Even though it was not a date he brought me a light pink rose. When he handed it to me he said "This is because every girl deserves to have flowers on Valentine's Day."
I didn't know where things would lead after that first date, but Ryan made sure that I felt special from the beginning!
Our first date wasn't really even a date. Ryan and I were both single and not loving the idea of Valentine's Day as February 14, 2002 rolled around. I mentioned my disdain for the upcoming holiday to Laurel (his mom) and somehow it came out that Ryan felt the same way. We ended up agreeing that we would meet for dinner at Famous Dave's, both of us wearing black.
It was really meant to be a friend thing. I didn't know Ryan that well. We had chatted a few times at his sister's basketball games and at a Super Bowl Party his parents had, but that was the extent of our friendship.
I remember being a little nervous, but overall I was just glad I wouldn't be sitting at home alone on Valentine's Day. Ryan was a true sweetheart and a hopeless romantic. Even though it was not a date he brought me a light pink rose. When he handed it to me he said "This is because every girl deserves to have flowers on Valentine's Day."
I didn't know where things would lead after that first date, but Ryan made sure that I felt special from the beginning!
I LOVE YOU, RYAN!
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We Love you, Daddy!
**Kelly also sent me the cute hearts to put by Ryan's grave. Thank you for your thoughtfulness!!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Remembering
The first week of the month never fails to fill my mind with memories. There are both good memories and bad.
Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder that in two short months my babies will be three....how is that possible...it is a happy memory to remember them entering this world 34 months ago.
Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder of the last time I saw Ryan sitting up in a chair and eating Chili's chicken strips, a favorite for him. June 3rd was the last time he was able to get out of bed. It was a moment that filled me with hope after a very difficult day in the ICU.
Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of our wedding day, July 5th. Happy memories as we started our life together...we had no idea what God had in store for us over the next five years.
Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of the night I had to say good-bye to Ryan, our last I love you's, our last kisses.
Friday is the 6th and it is my nephew, Charlie's, third birthday. He was born 8 short weeks before Lily and Wyatt. He has a smile that lights the room. He creates many happy memories!
Friday is the 6th and it is a reminder of the day Ryan went to heaven. It is a reminder of our dreams ending. It is a reminder of being an incomplete family.
Memories both good and bad fill my mind and my heart today...
Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder that in two short months my babies will be three....how is that possible...it is a happy memory to remember them entering this world 34 months ago.
Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder of the last time I saw Ryan sitting up in a chair and eating Chili's chicken strips, a favorite for him. June 3rd was the last time he was able to get out of bed. It was a moment that filled me with hope after a very difficult day in the ICU.
Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of our wedding day, July 5th. Happy memories as we started our life together...we had no idea what God had in store for us over the next five years.
Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of the night I had to say good-bye to Ryan, our last I love you's, our last kisses.
Friday is the 6th and it is my nephew, Charlie's, third birthday. He was born 8 short weeks before Lily and Wyatt. He has a smile that lights the room. He creates many happy memories!
Friday is the 6th and it is a reminder of the day Ryan went to heaven. It is a reminder of our dreams ending. It is a reminder of being an incomplete family.
Memories both good and bad fill my mind and my heart today...
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