Update: T-Shirts for CF

**Updated: I have seen the blue color that was an option and I don't care for it. I am going to go with a LIME GREEN COLOR for the shirts. **

I am having t-shirts made for my Great Strides team to wear on the day of our walk. I am also going to offer the opportunity for any one else to purchase a t-shirt with the proceeds going to support the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

"The mission of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, a nonprofit donor-supported organization, is to assure the development of the means to cure and control cystic fibrosis and to improve the quality of life for those with the disease."

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The t-shirt will be a **LIME green color and the design will be:

Front (small print to the upper left):

Sweeney Striders

Back (centered):

In Memory of
Ryan Sweeney
March 2, 1981- June 6, 2008
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2 Timoty 4:7

The cost of the shirts will be $10 for those who are looking to purchase one, $2 will be given to CFF. There will be a shipping cost if you do not live near me. Please let me know as soon as possible if you would like a shirt and the size you want. You can leave a comment on this post or you can find my email under my profile on the blog.

DIY: Photo Gallery

I have wanted to do some sort of photo gallery in our house with favorite pictures, but I was not sure where to begin. I have a friend who recently did this on a large wall in her living room and she inspired me to try it on the large wall in my dining room.

Here is the before:

Here is the after:

I used cheap black frames and printed black and white photos in 4 x 6, 5 x 7, and 8 x 10. I stuck them to the wall using picture hanging strips (Velcro for the wall). With a lot of patience, measuring, leveling, and some help from a friend, I was able to accomplish the whole project for less that $60.

The Happiest Place on Earth

I was able to purchase the download of this picture of Lily and Wyatt from Disney Photopass. I think it is my favorite picture from our trip. I love the JOY on their faces. I love that they love one another. I love that they are happy!

March 23

I went to bed last night and my mind began to wander. All of a sudden I was hit with the thought that "tomorrow is March 23". Then I began to realize that the last night Ryan and I slept in the same bed was March 22, 2008.

It has been two years since I have had my husband sleeping next to me. Two years since I was woken up by him telling me he needed to go to the emergency room. Two years since my once normal life was turned upside-down...

Strawberry-Cream Cheese Cupcakes

Yummy!

I just made this new recipe for our small group tonight -- Strawberry-Cream Cheese Cupcakes with homemade Whipped Cream Cream Cheese Frosting. I had to try it out to make sure it was tasty. You can check out the recipe on my other blog, Good Eats.

Real Life

I look forward to my quiet times on Sunday mornings. I take a break from my usual study and read the weekly devotional from Devotions for Sacred Parenting by Gary L. Thomas. This book was given to us when I was pregnant with Lily and Wyatt. At the time, a lot of the things that were written didn't seem as relevant. Now, as the kids are getting older, I find a lot of wisdom in this book each week.

Today's devotional was titled "Real Life" and the verse that went along with it was 1 Peter 1:6-7.

You may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

There is much grief and many different kinds of trials in life. There are the big griefs and trials of losing a loved one, losing your job, losing your home, a marriage falling apart. But there are daily trials too. Like finding out your house has termites (and that it was treated before you bought the house and it was not disclosed to you). Or you get a flat tire. Or your kids are less obedient than normal. Or you burn the cinnamon rolls your kids were going to eat for breakfast.

The key to trials is not the trial itself, but how you react to the trial. I find for myself that the bigger things in life are easier to handle because you know that God is in control and there is nothing you could do about it. But I must always stop and think before I react to disobedience or burnt cinnamon rolls. Lily and Wyatt are watching.

I must remember that I am to be a reflection of my heavenly Father in real life. I am to be the example that they see. I know that I don't always handle things well. Thankfully God's mercies are new each morning and I am a work in progress. I just need to make sure I am making forward progress.

Lately...

I have wondered if I had the strength to persevere through this season of my life. I have wondered how long this would have to go on (two years seems like a really long time). I have wondered when this is going to get easier, when things are going to FEEL different, when things are going to BE different. I have begged God to change things. I have asked Him to give me strength.

Yet, I have not been allowing Him to work in me. I ask for His strength, but then I try to stand on my own. I have not allowed Him to continue refining me, transforming me because I have not wanted to feel more hurt. I have been shutting out God's strength, peace, and comfort; I have been shutting out the people God has placed in my life to encourage me and help me.

In resisting God's work I have only felt more pain. I have felt alone, tired, discouraged, weary.

Today I am reminded (again) that God uses trials, challenges, difficulties, and hurts to transform me to be more like Christ. These struggles through life are the things that develop character, that teach me to bear fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. Really, what more could I want? Yes, in my human, selfish nature, I want a perfect life right here, right now on this earth. But, in reality, this life is temporary (and it is perfect for NO ONE). It is brief. And then, there is eternity.

Today I will stop trying to stand in my own strength. Today I will go back to RESTING in God's strength. Today I will choose to persevere. Today I will choose to allow God to continue transforming me, so that He is glorified.

two year stretch

two years since it all began.

it is so hard to believe that it has already been two years since things started to go downhill. friday was the two year mark of ryan's unexpected hospitalization because he was too sick to have his heart cath done (not when he went on the ventilator).

i can still shut my eyes and see so many of those moments clearly. the walk down to the er. the tiny little room where we had to wait for hours to be admitted. the drive to meijer to get some clothes for our unexpected stay. the dark hotel room i had to sleep in by myself. the first visits to the cafeteria at u of m. the phone calls i had to make.

it was two years ago today that our family and friends moved us from our two bedroom townhouse to our three bedroom one so that life would be a little easier for ryan at home. it was a "home" that ryan only got to live in for 5 short days.

in a few short days, it will be two years since ryan left for the hospital to never come home again.

two years ago, lily and wyatt were not even 2 yet. they have spent almost half of their little lives without their daddy. it seems so unfair.

yesterday we were in lily's room and wyatt looked at her picture of ryan and said, "i miss daddy." it broke my heart. i miss daddy too!

i miss his laughter.
i miss his smile.
i miss his hugs.
i miss holding his hand.
i miss his voice.
i miss hearing him play with lily and wyatt.
i miss the sound of him breathing beside me each night.
i miss his encouragement.
i miss helping him with his treatments.
i miss watching tv shows with him.
i miss his explanations of all things political.
i miss sitting next to him in church.
i miss eating dinner with him.
i miss packing his lunch each day.
i miss helping him pick just the right tie for work.
i miss nagging him to pick up his stuff around the house.

even though it has been two years since it all "began" it still hurts. it seems to be hurting more lately than it has in awhile. maybe it is because all the memories. maybe it is because of the fact that life keeps moving forward and ryan isn't in it. whatever the reason, it hurts.

Disney: Second Day at Magic Kingdom

Our last day at Disney was also our second day at Magic Kingdom. We got to the park early and watched the Welcome Show before the park opened. We headed back to Tomorrowland so that Erin could ride Space Mountain. Lily, Wyatt, and I rode on the Astro Orbiter (think Dumbo as a rocket) while Erin enjoyed a grown-up roller coaster.

After we met up again, we strolled to Cinderella's Castle to watch the Dream-Along with Mickey show. Then we headed down Main Street and did a little window shopping before heading back to Tomorrowland. Erin rode Space Mountain again while the kids and I went on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin and the Tomorrowland Transit Authority a second time.

We went into Fantasyland where we rode on The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Lily met Ariel in Ariel's Grotto. After that, we went to Mickey's Toontown Fair to met Mickey and Minnie in the Judge's Tent. We had lunch at Casey's Corner, met Peter Pan, rode on Cinderella's Golden Carousel and The Magic Carpets of Aladdin before enjoying a Pineapple Float from Aloha Isle (super yummy!!!!). We did a little more shopping on Main Street and then met Pluto, Daisy, and Snow White before heading back to our resort.

We spent some time packing our stuff for our EARLY (6:45 am) morning departure before we went to Downtown Disney for dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express. We picked up a few last minute snacks and souvenirs before our last night at All Star Movies Resort.

Disney: First Day at Magic Kingdom

Tuesday morning began with a bus ride to Magic Kingdom where we had breakfast at the Crystal Palace with Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, and Eeyore. We were delighted to be able to enter the park before it actually opened to get some great shots of Cinderella's Castle without other people in them. The day did start out with a few sprinkles, but by the time we were done with breakfast it was just cloudy.

Both kids enjoyed meeting the characters at breakfast. The food was yummy and I surprised the kids with personal cakes after breakfast -- Lily's cake was in a Princess Jewelry Box and Wyatt's cake was in a Pirate's Treasure Chest. The cake wasn't that great, but the kids loved the fun souvenirs that they were able to take home.

The crowds were small during our day at Magic Kingdom. We enjoyed short waits for The Magic Carpets of Aladdin, Dumbo, Peter Pan's Flight, Mickey's PhilharMagic, it's a small world, and The Barnstormer. We took our time walking through the park and we were able to meet a lot of characters: Aladdin and Jasmine, Woody and Jessie, Donald and Goofy, and Princess Aurora, Cinderella, and Belle. We also watched the Celebration Parade while enjoying some popcorn!

After the parade, we went back to our hotel to rest and change into warmer clothes before heading back to Magic Kingdom for dinner and more fun. We ate dinner at Cosmic Ray's Startlight Cafe in Tomorrowland and then explored the rides and activities there. Wyatt and Lily enjoyed driving Erin and I around the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway. We also rode on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority and Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin before heading back to our hotel for the night. (We were going to stay and watch the WISHES fireworks, but I was not enjoying the crowds, Wyatt did not want to hear the noise of the fireworks, and we were all getting tired.)

Disney: Hollywood Studios

At 5:45 Monday morning we were all awake and ready to start our day (well, maybe we just couldn't sleep anymore). We got ready and went to the food court for breakfast and then loaded up for our day at Hollywood Studios.

We arrived before the park opened, so we waited "patiently". Once in the park, we joined the mad rush back to Pixar Place to ride on "Toy Story Mania!". Wyatt liked it so much that before we were even off it he asked if we could do it again --so we grabbed a FASTPASS so that we would be able to ride it again later without the wait.

We posed for pictures with the "Green Army Guy" and then went Playhouse Disney -- Live on Stage!

After the show was over, we went and met "Sorcerer Mickey" and strolled through Animation Gallery.

We went up Sunset Boulevard to enjoy a snack and then went back to use our FASTPASS for "Toy Story Mania!"

We had our picture taken with "Mater and McQueen" and visited "Buzz and Woody" (although the kids were afraid of Buzz and wouldn't have their picture taken with him).

We then went back to Sunset Boulevard to watch Beauty and the Beast -- Live on Stage. It was fantastic and both kids enjoyed it.

Erin took a turn riding Rock 'N' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith and then we ate lunch at Sunset Market Ranch.

We went through a few more shops and then went to Hollywood Boulevard to wait for the Block Party Bash to start. We enjoyed dancing and singing with the character from Toy Story before heading back to our resort for a little swimming, dinner, and bed.

Disney: All Star Movies Resort and More

I have decided to break down our trip into 3 different posts starting with pictures from around our hotel, All Star Movies Resort. This slide show also includes pictures of our traveling to and from Florida as well as traveling to and from the different parks.

We really enjoyed staying at All Star Movies. It is one of 4 value resorts that Disney has to offer. Our room was small (two double beds), but it was big enough to meet our needs. The resort was broken down into 5 different sections: Toy Story, 101 Dalmatians, Fantasia, The Love Bug, and Mighty Ducks. We were able to get a room in the Toy Story section! Each time we opened our door we were greeted by Woody, Buzz, Bo Peep, and Rex. We had to walk through the "door" to Andy's room to get to our building. Wyatt LOVED it! On Monday, we came back from Hollywood Studios to play in the pool, have dinner and get to bed early. We took some time to walk around the entire resort and see the different sections.

The kids did great on both of our flights. We took a direct flight from Grand Rapids to Orlando this year -- so much easier! Our luggage was delivered right to the hotel for us (part of Disney's complimentary service). We also once again appreciated the bus service to the parks from our hotel! All we had to do was load up the stroller, walk to the bus stops, and climb on board.

Disney: An Overview

The trip was a blast.

The weather was beautiful.

The parks (Hollywood Studios & Magic Kingdom) were visited.

The rides were ridden.

The parades were watched.

The characters were met (even by Wyatt).

The food was yummy.

The memories were made.

The pictures (100's) were taken.

The videos were recorded.

The sleep was lacking.

The flights are over.

The laundry is clean.

The picture updates are coming.

2 kids + 2 bananas + a lot of sunshine = a yummy morning

We had some rotten bananas in the house, so I decided that banana bread would be a fun treat for breakfast.

I enlisted the help of a princess

and a football player (with some sunshine sprinkled in the background)

here is the result...warm banana bread

and two happy kiddos!

We are all getting very excited for our trip to Disney! The packing is almost complete. Lily's cold seems to be on it way out, but Wyatt's cold has just started full force.... LOTS of vitamins needed! The weather in Florida is supposed to be beautiful -- can't wait for flip flops and short sleeves!

Celebrating Ryan

** Thank you so much for all the kind words, prayers, thoughts, emails and comments yesterday. You all made Ryan's birthday special to the kids and I! **

Here are pictures of our birthday celebrations today. We sent Daddy balloons twice. The first time it was just the kids and I. The second time my friend, Nikki, came so that she could capture some pictures for us. While we were waiting for her to get there we made a snowman for Daddy! I enjoyed lunch with friends at Qdoba -- my favorite! They also got me a bouquet of a dozen "roses" which were actually some FABULOUS chocolate covered strawberries. And the kids enjoyed cupcakes from a local bakery. We are still planning to go out to dinner with my mom to Texas Roadhouse -- I don't like steak, but it was a favorite for Ryan so I picked steak place for his birthday.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

** remember to turn off the music on the blog to be able to hear the kids **

Happy 29th Birthday, Ryan!

Today would have been Ryan's 29th birthday. I am not sure what we would have done as a family if he were still here -- his favorite dinner, a few presents, quality time with the kids would probably have been at the top of the list.

Instead, we will do little things to celebrate the life of a wonderful husband and daddy. We are hoping to get balloons to send to him and to have cupcakes in honor of him. I am also going out for lunch with some girlfriends while the kids play at my sister's and all three of us are going to dinner tonight with my mom.

check it out...

I enjoy food. A LOT. I was recently sent the link to Annie's Eats. I made her Cheesy Chicken Benchiladas for lunch yesterday and I have been enjoying the leftovers. Check it out...

an emotional week

It is going to be an emotional week, it already has been an emotional week.

On Monday, my sister, April's, father-in-law passed away. While it was not completely unexpected, it seemed to be sudden. Jim was a godly man; he is in heaven rejoicing now, free from the pain of this world. I asked Casey yesterday if she thought Grandpa Jim was in heaven telling Uncle Ryan all about how we were doing and all about Jessie (who was born after Ryan died), she got a big grin on her face and said "yup". Please be in prayer for April, Steve, Jack, Casey, Charlie, Jessie, and all of Steve's family as they are grieving the loss of a dad, husband, and grandpa.

For me, all the emotions come flooding back as I stop to think about his wife and all that she is facing. The ache and loneliness of living life alone. The nights lying in bed and not hearing the steady breath of her husband sleeping next to her. The lack of companionship at dinner each night. My heart is so broken for her! I know that it will be hard to be at the visitation and funeral later this week. It just brings back so many memories! My heart hurts for those who loved him most.

Ryan's birthday is also coming. The anticipation of Disney has helped to process through some of the sadness, but as March 2nd moves closer, my heart aches to celebrate Ryan's 29th birthday with him. I am sure that he would LOVE teasing me about the fact that I am in my 30's and he is still in his 20's.

An update on the kids (by request):

• Both kids seem to be feeling much better. The coughs and runny noses are pretty much gone -- yay!
• They have both given up naps for the most part, although they still get rest time each day to help restore my strength (and sanity) to make it through until bedtime.
• They are super excited about Disney. They will dance around the house singing "we're going to Disney!" and they tell everyone (including strangers) that we are leaving in a couple weeks.
• I realized yesterday how big they are getting when I was watching my niece, Jessie. She was standing on the floor looking up and me and she was so far away! I can't believe how tall the kids are getting -- especially Wyatt. He is starting to need 5T pants for the length!
• They continue to love going to AWANA Cubbies and learning their bible memory verses.

I will try to get some pictures up later this week, I don't think I have taken any in over a month! Thanks for your prayers for my sister's family and for me as we journey through this emotional week.

what's going on

So many things are going on right now, I just never take the time to sit down and blog anymore. Most of my spare time was being wasted on Facebook, so I have decided to give it up for Lent (if you are reading this on FB it is because my blog is automatically uploaded there). It was distracting me from much more important things in my life. I decided that I needed to stop wasting my time and refocus on the areas of my life God wants me to be working on -- mainly my relationship with Him and my relationships with Lily and Wyatt.

Winter has been difficult for me both mentally and emotionally. I have been stuck in a pit of sadness, loneliness, and self-pity. I need a change of pace! I have been looking for an opportunity to get away, to find some sunshine, and to create some new memories with Lily and Wyatt. So, we are getting ready for another vacation to Disney in just a couple of weeks. Our friend (and awesome babysitter), Erin, will be joining us because there was no way I was going to tackle flying and vacationing at Disney World with two three year olds by myself! We will spend three full days in the parks and I am super excited to be able to do even more with the kids than we did last year.

I am also really excited about the opportunity to raise awareness and funds for Cystic Fibrosis through Great Strides. I have officially restarted the "Sweeney Striders" team for this year's walk in Grand Rapids. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support that I have already received from people joining me in the walk and from the donations given (if you are interested in joining me on the walk or in sponsoring me click here). I have plans in the works (well, just in my head right now) for t-shirts for the Sweeney Striders that will set us apart from other teams as well as honor Ryan's life!

Lily and Wyatt are doing fairly well, other than the colds, coughs, and fevers (Lily) they have been fighting. It is so hard to believe that in a few weeks they will be turning 4! I am ready to be done with "3" and all of its challenges, but I am not ready for them to be heading to school. If only there was a slow motion button on life!

And lastly, here is a video of one of my favorite songs right now, "Unredeemed" by Selah. I love the message that it sends, a message of hope in the promises God has made to redeem the things of this world that hurt so much. It is a great reminder to me that God sees and knows the pain in my heart, especially as Ryan's birthday approaches.

faith like a child

I wanted to share some sweet things Lily has said lately...mainly because I want to write them down and never forget what childlike faith is. What a blessing my children are to me!

• Lily got out her notebook and pencil the other day and climbed onto the bar stool. She told me she needed to write her worship songs. Then she put her pencil down and sang. It may not have made sense to me, but I am sure God was blessed by her worship -- I was. (Wyatt did join in on writing worship songs the next day.)
• Last night as we were heading to bed after baths, bible story, and prayers, Lily says, "Just a few more days til heaven, right?" I wish, my sweet girl, I wish.
• Her bedtime prayers have taken on much more flavor recently. She will often come up with the funniest things to thank God for, but I know it is just her faith shining through. Here are some examples: Thank you God for all the animals, like the fish under the sea. Thank you for all the things you let us to do today, one-by-one. Thank you for all the people in the whole wide world. Thank you for everything that you created for us.

My children are such a bright spot in my life. I love to see them learning about Jesus and to see their faith grow! It melts this mommy's heart!