Mixture Monday

Lily Grace Story:
Lily has been learning how to get herself dressed. She is great at getting her shorts on. Her favorite place to take her shorts off is in her crib, so I am used to going into their room at night and finding her pj bottoms on the floor. Last night was no different, except for one small thing: she took her diaper off too. I was sitting downstairs shortly after I put the kids and bed and suddenly heard a scream followed by lots of crying. I ran upstairs because I could tell something was wrong. I opened the door and saw her shorts on the floor. Lily was standing in her crib, holding her diaper, and crying her little eyes out and saying "ut-oh". She told me that she would not be doing it again. We will see...

Parks, Picnics, and Playdates:
The kids and I headed to a local park today with the families from our small group at church. It was so much fun. Every family was able to make it at least for a little while. The kids did really well playing and listening -- we are hoping to make it a weekly thing! There were up to 17 kids with us at one point, all between the ages of 1 and 8. It took Lily and Wyatt a little while to warm up to playing by themselves, but at the end of the 3 hours they were climbing all over the play structure without me! As you will see in the first picture, they were not big fans of the group shot :)

Parks, Picnics, and Playdates

In Memory of Ryan:
Michigan Pulmonary Disease Community, Inc. (MPDCI) is a CF group that Ryan and I were recently introduced to. They give CFers the opportunity to interact in safe ways. We had been invited to a "Transplant" Dinner where pre- and post-transplant CFers get together and share what transplant is like and ask whatever questions there may be. MPDCI is also a great source for transplant because they offer grants to cover many of the expenses not covered by insurance companies (i.e. food, gas, lodging, etc. for caregivers). MPDCI has honored Ryan by publishing their July newsletter in his memory. Their September issue will again be in his memory but with his picture included.

Read the newsletter here: http://www.mpdci.org/beaver_bulletin/BB-2008-07.pdf

In Christ Alone

I went to church today for the second time since Ryan passed away. If I had known what the message was going to be about I probably would have chosen to stay home. The title of the message was "The Gain" based on Philippians 1:21-26

Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

To die is gain. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that death is gain. I sat and quietly listened as Dr. Koole preached about death and dying. How my heart was breaking, but I needed to listen. The message was a great reminder that for believers death is gain because it brings us home to live with Christ.

I selfishly wish that Ryan was still here with me. I wish that he was here with Lily and Wyatt. I wish that we would have the opportunity to grow old together and to raise our children together. Yet, I was reminded that Ryan is with our Savior. He was greeted face to face by Jesus Christ. What a day that will be for all believers -- we will all die, Ryan just got to go "home" first.

When Ryan was born he began a journey that was filled with joy, but it was also filled with pain and difficulty. Ryan had to struggle to breath each day of his life. He was always limited by his physical body in ways that so many of us cannot begin to understand. When Ryan died he began a journey that is filled with joy and only joy. Ryan is able to breath freely; he does not get tired; he is not limited as he once was. He is in the presence of our Heavenly Father.

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music


In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.


In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.


There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.


No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Missing Ryan

It has been 3 weeks today since Ryan died. It is interesting to me the different things that cause me to miss him....

• grilling out -- he was the "grill master" in the house
• bedtime for Lily and Wyatt
• dinner time
• the t.v. show "Duel" (he like it; I hated it)
• thunderstorms
• crabby kids
• making the coffee for the morning
• insurance frustrations
• not being able to call him up and tell him something small and stupid

I have also been missing him a lot as I think about the upcoming week. Next week Saturday will be/would have been our 5 year anniversary. It also follows a holiday that Ryan loved, 4th of July (all but one year of our marriage Ryan was in the hospital).

I am not looking forward to this whole year of firsts, but it just seems like a lot of the really hard ones are coming at the beginning. I am not sure if any of them will be easy...Christmas, birthdays...ughh. I will continue to rely on God as my only source of comfort and strength. I will continue to enjoy Lily and Wyatt as both a great distraction and a great reminder of Ryan.

Answered Prayers!

God continues to show his goodness to me! I (with a lot of help from my dad) was able to sell the car in less than 24 hours! I was planning on the selling process to be a lengthy one (at least more than 24 hours), but now I do not need to stress over it. Some questions have been answered about the life insurance too. They are sounding somewhat optimistic about everything, but please continue to pray that the process for that goes smoothly.

I included some pictures of the kids that I have taken recently and then played around with. We went to Sears today to get their 2 year pictures taken and it did NOT go well. Wyatt had two pictures taken while on my lap and he was crying in both. We got a few more of Lily, but none were that great. I did order one set of Lily's, but I think I will be the photographer as far as Wyatt's pics are concerned.

I have two beautiful reminders of God's love for me -- Lily and Wyatt! They are also great reminders of their wonderful Daddy. I know that Ryan would laugh right along with Lily and Wyatt playing outside; he would smile at their love for each other; and he would be the one getting them to look outside at what adventures they could have.

Prayer Requests

As the kids and I adjust there are so many things that need to be done.

My dad worked really hard to get Ryan's car detailed so that I could sell it. THANKS, DAD! I posted it on Craig's list at 8:30 last night and I have already had 10+ emails and one guy went to look at it. I am hoping that it will sell quickly and I will have one less thing to deal with. (I want to sell it so quickly because our insurance renews next month).

A bigger request is for the life insurance. It is quite a process because of some complications that I don't really want to get into. Please pray that things go well as I make a few phone calls today and that doors are opened without having too much trouble.

Thanks to everyone who continues to keep us in your prayers. God has been so good to the kids and I with the wonderful people he has placed in our lives. The transition has gone fairly smoothly back into the townhouse. There are definite moments of sadness, but overall I have a great sense of peace and comfort.

Jesus Loves Me (and Daddy and Boo, too!)

I have been trying to teach Lily and Wyatt to sing "Jesus Loves Me". Lily is more interested in learning the song and singing with me. She doesn't have all the words down and she gets a little distracted, but hopefully you will enjoy her first performance.

Please forgive my singing and the lack of editing...Lily is cute at least! :)

To watch the video without having to listen to my blog music playing, scroll down to my playlist and hit pause.

** There are new pictures of Lily and Wyatt in the next post down in you are interested in what they have been up to as they enjoy the summer weather. I had to post separately because I couldn't post pics and a video in the same blog.**

Summer Days

The kids and I have been enjoying the beautiful summer weather, as well as our time with Auntie Val. I got the kids some outdoor toys since they didn't have too many. They love to run and play outside -- I have to lock the screen door so that the kids don't just go out!



These pictures are the same as they are in the last post, but I added some to the web album of our activities from today.

Celebrating Ryan in Illinois

We journeyed to Illinois this past weekend to celebrate Ryan's life with our family and friends. I thought it would be a good way to honor Ryan's life as he spent so much of it in Illinois (the first 25 years). I was blessed to see so many familiar faces from our life in Illinois and to meet so many people who were part of Ryan's life growing up. I really appreciate all of you who took the time to share memories of Ryan with me both during the service and afterwards. Words cannot begin to describe the treasure that they are to me and will one day be to Lily and Wyatt.

I want to say a few special thank yous: to Ryan's mentor, Jon, who did a beautiful job leading a service that was a great picture of who Ryan was; to the Evangelical Free Church of Crystal Lake, who put together such a lovely service and luncheon for our family; to all of the doctors, nurses, and RT's who came to the different services; to my family who supported me during both services; to my friends who traveled to be with me, whether in Michigan or Illinois or both.

While I know that Ryan would be blessed by our celebration of his life in Illinois, I must admit that it was so difficult to be there without him. It was the first time that I had been in Illinois without Ryan in over 6 years. It was hard for me to drive down Randall Road and travel past all of the places that were special to us in the first few years of our relationship. I was sad as I passed the street to turn for our first house. I also thought about how much Ryan would have loved the drive on Randall Rd..."capitalism at its best" was his favorite way to describe the corn fields that had turned to shopping centers.

It is hard to see where life will go from here. We moved back into the townhouse today and now life will really return to normal...a new normal where I have no idea what to expect. I know that God will continue to bless us in so many ways as he has done to this point; it remains a matter of trust and faith in his love for me and Lily and Wyatt. Thank you for your prayers to this point and please continue to pray for us as we begin another new chapter.



I hope that you enjoy the pictures. Some are from this past weekend as we spent time with our family in Illinois. Other pictures are from both Father's Day and a family birthday party here in Michigan.

Sweeney Family Memorial (Trust) Fund

I have been asked by a few people how to donate to the Fund for the kids and I. I greatly appreciate all of generosity being shown to the three of us. If you would like to donate you may do so by going to any 5/3rd Bank and tell them you would like to contribute to the Sweeney Family Memorial Fund established in Western Michigan.

So True

I read this poem on another blog and thought that it was so true for my life. I am so thankful that I know Christ at this time in my life....He is my strength and my hope!

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER by Maya Angelou

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

Still Giving

I am so blessed to have had Ryan for a husband! He was a great man as so many of you know; I love hearing all the stories about him that so many of you have shared. There were definitely things about Ryan that I had yet to discover.

What makes Ryan so unique in my mind is the way that he is still giving to me even though he is no longer here on this earth with me. He has touched so many lives with his great attitude, his funny sense of humor and his amazing faith. Those lives who have been touched by Ryan are now reaching out to Lily, Wyatt and me. One great example of this is through Ryan's work. Ryan worked for 5/3rd Bank as a Junior Portfolio Manager. He loved his job and he loved the people he worked with. The team that Ryan worked on is collaborating ways that they can give back to Ryan for what he did for them. They are helping me with all different facets of things that I would have no idea how to handle. They are also desiring to keep Ryan's memory and spirit alive at 5/3rd through different activities and ideas in the office.

I am so thankful to God for such a wonderful team of people who are going above and beyond in their care for the kids and me. I am so thankful to God that he gave me a husband who made a positive impact on those around him.

** SIDE NOTE **
For those of you planning on attending the Celebration of Life Memorial Service in Illinois, please be thinking of funny stories about Ryan that you may want to share. There may be an open mic during the service to share those stories. If you don't feel like to you could get up and speak, I would still love to hear the stories so that I can pass them along to Lily and Wyatt someday.

A Great Daddy

Here is a video of Ryan with the kids just before he went into the hospital. I love hearing him laugh with the kids. I hope that you enjoy!

Father's Day

Father's Day 2007

It is our first holiday without Ryan and I have already had tears this morning. It was hard to go into the card aisle and pick out cards for our Dads...I just got grandpa cards that way I didn't have to see cards for dads or daddys. I am sad that Lily and Wyatt will not be able to pick out silly Father's Day gifts for Ryan. Ryan loved getting new ties, so Lily and Wyatt would have been in luck :)

Ryan was a terrific dad. He was not always able to do everything that a lot of dads can do, but he gave his all to be the best dad to Lily and Wyatt. There were times when he would come home from work and be so tired, but would get right down on the floor to play. He always made sure that I was able to have a little "Mommy" time, even if all he could give was 5 minutes. He would read books until he was out of breath. He would come and help with baths even though climbing the stairs was something he probably should not do. He loved to drive cars with them and do puzzles. One of his favorite things to do was reading their Bible to them after dinner.

In the last few weeks Ryan and I would talk about what we were most looking forward to doing after his transplant -- Ryan was looking forward to spending more time with the kids. He could not wait to be able to have time with them by himself. He was looking forward to spending time outside with them this summer: swimming, running, going to parks.

Ryan will not get the chance to do those things, but Lily and Wyatt are still blessed to have a daddy who loved them! He was the type of dad that every child deserves.

** Side note: Father's Day was always extra special for Ryan and I because he proposed on Father's Day 6 years ago.

One Week

It has been one week since Ryan died. It has been a whirlwind of a week with coming home from U of M, planning a Celebration of Life service, and adjusting to "mommyhood" again. I have been so busy that I don't think reality has set in yet.

There are moments when I miss Ryan so much. It is always the little things. Enjoying a dinner that someone brought over and thinking "I should get the recipe, Ryan would love this." Tim Russert dying and thinking "I should call Ryan, he would want to know this." Lily and Wyatt seeing the letter "T" and saying Daddy because Daddy wears ties. Praying with our small group and Ryan not being there.

I miss him in the big things too. As I think about what the future holds for Lily, Wyatt and me it is hard for me to picture what it is going to look like without Ryan. I don't think I ever thought about him not receiving his new lungs; I knew that we would probably not "grow old together", but it was still supposed to be after several more years of marriage. Titles like "widow" and "single mom" are not ways I thought of myself.

There are so many things I need to do: get health insurance, figure out what exactly to do with his life insurance, decide if I need to start looking for a job. The list seems to get longer and longer and as I add things to it it gets more and more overwhelming.

I know that I need to trust God to get me through each of the days ahead just as I was trusting him while we were in Ann Arbor. God has been so faithful to me even if he didn't answer my prayers in ways I would have liked. He has healed my husband and he has blessed me with two beautiful children. He has sustained my strength and surrounded me with people who love me. I know that God will be with me and we will get through this all one day at a time.

Lily and Wyatt

There are two things that have made life a little easier in the past week: Lily and Wyatt. They do not fully understand what it means when I tell them that Daddy is in heaven with Jesus. They talk about Daddy all the time and they love to see his pictures. They tell me that they sent balloons to Daddy and that Daddy is nigh-night.

I am so thankful that I have Lily and Wyatt who are both a huge piece of who Ryan was. I am sad that he is not here with me to watch them "wash the cars" or to see Lily's pigtails for the first time. I am sad to think that he will not be here with me to watch them grow up, to take them to their first day of school, or to walk Lily down the aisle one day.

I thanked Ryan the last night he was alive for our children and he promised that he would watch over us! What a great guardian angel we have!

Celebration of Life Service in Illinois

There will be a Celebration of Life service for Ryan 10:00 am Saturday, June 21st at the Evangelical Free Church of Crystal Lake in Crystal Lake, IL.

575 E Crystal Lake Ave
Crystal Lake, IL

Address Change

The address given in the obituary for the church is wrong. The correct address is:

3350 Baldwin,
Hudsonville, MI

Reminder of Time Change

I just wanted to remind those of you coming from Illinois that Michigan is in Eastern Standard Time; one hour ahead of Illinois.

Celebrating Ryan

If there is anyone who would like to share "Ryan stories" at the funeral, please let me know. This can be done by writing it down and the Pastor reading it or by you actually telling it yourself. All stories might not be able to be shared depending on the response that I get. Please let me know at your earliest convenience.

Here is some hotel information for those of you coming from out of town to celebrate Ryan's life.

Best Western -- Grandville Inn 616-532-3222
Comfort Suites: 4520 Kenowa, Grandville, MI 49418 616-667-0733
Days Inn and Suites: 28th St., Grandville, MI 49418 616-531-5263
Quality Inn: 3301 Highland Dr., Hudsonville, MI 49426 616-662-4000
Super 8: 3005 Corporate Grove Dr., Hudsonville, MI 49426 616-896-6710

The two in Hudsonville are closer to the church and the cemetery.

SWEENEY: Ryan Patrick Sweeney, 27, of Jenison, went home to be with his Lord on Friday, June 6, 2008, after a courageous battle against Cystic Fibrosis. He will be greatly missed by his wife, Kristin; his twin children, Lily and Wyatt; his parents, Stephen Sweeney and Laurel Sweeney; father-in-law and mother-in-law, Les and Sharon Holwerda; grandmother, Jean and Tom Nicholson; brother, Nicholas Sweeney; sister, Amanda Sweeney; sisters-in-law, Sandy and Dean Hayes, April and Steve Palmbos; five nieces and nephews; many aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. A Celebration of Life Service will be held 11:00am Tuesday at Chapel Pointe Church, 3550 Baldwin, Hudsonville with Rev. Daniel Rundhaug officiating. To honor Ryan’s wishes, please do not wear black to the service. Interment at Georgetown Township Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, those who wish may make memorial contributions to Kristin Sweeney for the Sweeney Family Trust Fund at Fifth Third Bank or to U of M Dept. of Social Work, attention Lisbeth Warner, 1500 E. Medical Center Dr., D2202 Medical Professional Bldg., Ann Arbor, MI 48109 (in the memo: transplant). Relatives and friends may meet Ryan’s family at the church on Monday from 6-9:00pm and on Tuesday from 10-11:00am prior to the service. Condolences may be sent online at www.mkdfuneralhome.com.

Broken Hearted

I am broken hearted today. Ryan can now breath easy, but it is with new lungs in heaven and not here on this earth. I am so grateful for the moments that God allowed me to have with Ryan last night before he passed away. I was able to actually have several conversations with Ryan about what was going on and why. At first Ryan said that he was not ready to give up, but as the night wore on he told me that he was tired and that he was ready to go. We were able to tell each other that we loved each other ... what a priceless gift I will forever treasure.

In Ryan's death, he is still touching the lives of others. As we were discussing what would be best for Ryan, organ donation was in the front of my mind. Ryan and I had discussions in the past about him wanting to donate his organs if the time ever arose. We were able to donate his liver and kidneys. As I talked it over with his parents and mine, I said, "How can we not? It is what we were asking others to do for us. We were hoping someone would be generous in their grief so that Ryan might live, so we need to do this for others."

I am currently staying with my parents and the kids. It is both great and tremendously sad to be around Lily and Wyatt. They talk about Daddy and show me things that he taught them. I am so sad that he will not be able to physically be able to keep teaching them. I hope that Ryan will continue to teach them as I tell them about their wonderful Daddy. I have told them that Daddy is in heaven with Jesus, of course they don't understand, but it is the only thing I can tell them.

I also wanted to let you know the current plans to celebrate Ryan's life.

• Visitation will be on Monday night from 6-9 pm and Tuesday morning from 10-11 am at Chapel Pointe.
• Celebration of Life service will be 11 am Tuesday at Chapel Pointe (To honor Ryan's wishes, please do not wear black to the service).
• A light luncheon will follow the service.
• Interment will be at the Georgetown Township Cemetery after the luncheon.

Chapel Pointe is located at 3550 Baldwin, Hudsonville, MI 49426.

We are also planning on having a Memorial Celebration in Illinois sometime in the near future. I will post on the blog when we have made decisions about when and where.

Thank you once again for the way that so many of you have been upholding us in prayer. The road that I am starting out on will not be easy, but I know that God will help me to walk it with him by my side. Thank you all for loving Ryan! I would be honored to have you celebrate Ryan's life with me!