The holidays are coming... so many "firsts". I wish that I could fast forward through the next several weeks and be at January 2nd, 2009. It will be really hard for me this year to celebrate. My heart is not in it. I don't want to put up a tree or decorate the house. I don't want to participate in a bunch of family traditions. All of those things will be a reminder to me that my family isn't the same, nor will it ever be the same again. I am afraid that everyone will avoid "Ryan" and I will feel even more like people have forgotten him. I wish that the kids and I could just escape for awhile, but that is not reality. That is not going to bring Ryan back. It is not going to stop the firsts from coming.
So, I am asking for your help. If you see me in the next couple of weeks, please don't avoid me. Don't avoid Ryan. Yes, I might cry, but sometimes I would rather not cry alone. Please pray that I have strength for the weeks ahead. Pray that I can make this a good Thanksgiving and Christmas for Lily and Wyatt.
Thanks for loving us through this time!
5 comments:
It's weird how some of our thoughts are the same yet different. I keep wondering if these holidays will be our lasts.
I pray for you daily during my quiet time with God. And just know that I am so thankful to know you and to have you as my sister in Christ.
Love you
I want you to know that we are and will be praying for you...
I feel the same way about the holiday's. I can't believe this will be our 2nd set of holiday's without our girl..I often think back to last year. I don't know how I managed to survive that!?! I honestly think I was just a zombie...
{{{{HUGS}}}} to you sweetie..I pray that you have a good day today! God bless!
i hope that you are able to find some peace and comfort as you celebrate the upcoming holiday season. don't be afraid to lean on the people who love you!
We will be with you in prayer every step of the way. We will pray that God will keep you lifted up through this difficult time and give you the strength you need and then some. I always think of Ryan at Christmas because Christmas 2001Ryan gave me two small teddy bears one representing the NYFD and one representing the NYPD. They are very special to me and always make me smile when I see them every day.
kristin
oh how my heart just aches for you and what you're having to go through right now. if it helps any..it does seem like the actual day isn't as bad as the weeks leading into it. so i'll pray hard for you in these next few days before thanksgiving and for the next several leading into Christmas. i remember not wanting to put up anything Christmas last year...i know for me i had the 5 women in my life who had surrounded me right after seth died (and still do today) come over and help me put up my decorations - it was more fun that way and you wouldn't have to do it all by yourself...ask for help, kristin - many, many people i'm sure are just waiting for you to reach out to them - they need you as much as you need them right now. praying that you'll be able to just take one day (one hour) at a time....this too will pass...
all my love and concern
jolynn
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