Friday, March 13, 2009

A New Feeling of Loss

This morning my grief has washed over me in a new way. I am not feeling the loss for myself, but I am feeling if for my children. Lily and Wyatt are almost 3. They have basically lived 1/3 of their short lives without a Daddy.

They don't have a Daddy:
  • to teach them how to ride a bike.
  • to read them books.
  • to give them a break from Mommy.
  • to teach them how to laugh.
  • to teach them how to squirt the jelly out of a jelly donut (Ryan was really looking forward to teaching them this).
  • to give them a great appreciation for football.
  • to teach them to play catch.
  • to wipe their tears.
  • to teach them how to respect others.
  • to see them on their wedding day.

They won't remember:

  • how much Daddy loved Little Debbie brownies.
  • that one of Daddy's favorite snacks was pretzels and cheese.
  • that Daddy loved to munch on Chex Mix.
  • Daddy's great appreciation for movies.
  • how my their Daddy loved them.

Yes, many of those things can be taught to them by me, but it is not the same. Life will never be the same without Ryan. The dreams we had for Lily and Wyatt will never be fulfilled in the same way.

My heart hurts for my children today.

7 comments:

Rachel Hamann said...

Kristin, my heart hurts for them and you as well. I wish I had something clever to write. Just wanted you to know that I love you and we are still praying...

Kelly said...

Kristin,

My heart breaks for you. And you are right, yes you can teach them these things and of course you will, but it is not the same. Nothing/nobody will ever be able to fill Ryans shoes in your life. He clearly was such a wonderful husband and daddy - a true blessing from above. You have every reason and right to cry for your sweet children - I have tears for you. It breaks my heart to see the lists you made - but I do understand where you are coming from. Everytime Aspen or Cheyenne does something new I am reminded that Liberty didn't get to do that..and it is so hard and always makes me ask "why". I am thankful that we have a God who loves us so very much..who has promised us eternal life with Him and our loved ones. I look forward to the day that I get to meet your Ryan face to face! I am praying for you hun - please email me or call me if you need a friend to listen. I am always here for you. Love and hugs,
Kelly

Anonymous said...

I love you Kristin. Praying for you and the kids.

Thomas and Lisa said...

My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to let you know you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa

Rachael Schirano \\ Rachael Schirano Photography said...

my heart hurts for them, my heart hurts for you. hugs + prayers, hugs + prayers.

Anonymous said...

My heart just aches for you. It is startaling how many different facets that grief has. God is good all the time, even in the tough times. Rely on Him and your life will be rich.
Thinking of you!

Unknown said...

Kristin,
HUGS! I cannot realate but know that your Savior will never leave your side. I know NOTHING will replace your sweet Ryan and I'm sorry for that.
Jen

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