No prayers is ever lost, or any prayer ever breathed in vain. There is no such thing as prayer unanswered or unnoticed by God, and some things we see as refusals or denials are simply delays. Horatius Bonar
It has now been 5 weeks since Ryan died. I think that the numbness has worn off and the full effects of his death are starting to hit -- hard! I miss him so much, especially in the down times of the day. It seems as each thing in my life is a reminder of him, even if it something new or something he would not have done or participated in anyway. I think the first few weeks were easier than I thought because I was used to him being gone in the hospital. Sometimes it still feels like that, but then I "remember" that he isn't coming home. Lily and Wyatt are a good distraction, but they usually ask for Daddy or talk about Daddy a hundred times a day.
I have been reading about other CFer's who have recently gotten their lungs and I wonder "why not Ryan too?" I would NEVER want to take their lungs from them, but I just wish that I could see what God sees. I know that I only see one puzzle piece in all the millions of pieces that are there, but I just wish that piece held more understanding. I wish I could wrap my mind around why we didn't get more time together.
2 comments:
Kristin - no need to apologize about wondering why not us.... I can't even imagine how hard that must be.... I do pray for you and admire your courage as you continue to raise those precious gifts from Ryan
Kristin--I too often ask God why? Even though I don't really feel its right the thoughts still go through my head. And I too often wonder why you didn't get more time together! Remember, eternity is coming!!! I know that doesn't help the pain of today but its that hope and the love of Christ that helps us endure the pain of today. I love you; you are truly honoring Ryan in your life today as you love God and live to bring Him glory just as Ryan did.
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