Each of the above numbers represents how much time Ryan has been in heaven. It is so hard for me to believe that it has been 6 months. It is hard for me to believe that I have had to endure for half a year without Ryan. It is hard for me to believe that he will not come walking through the door at any moment or that he will not be here to celebrate Christmas with us. I wake up each morning and have to remind myself what day it is. I have to remind myself what is going on that day, what I have to look forward to. I have to remind myself that Ryan is in heaven and that he is happy and healthy.
It is funny how my mind works because I continually think, "if I can get through this it will get better" or "once I get past (Thanksgiving) it will get better." Getting through things or past holidays does not change anything. I don't think there is a certain activity that will make the hurt go away. This ache, this grief, will always be a part of my life. It will just diminish with time.
This grief is shaping who I am as a person. It is teaching me what is really important in life. It is not about things, but it is about relationships. It is about loving those around me and cherishing each moment I am given. It is helping me grow in my walk with my Savior. It is teaching me to fully rely on his strength because mine is not enough. I know that it is only through God's sustaining grace that I have survived the past 6 months and that only through his sustaining grace I will continue on their journey.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 Dave Branon (Our Daily Bread 12/1/2008) wrote: For now, those of us who weep can dwell on hope instead of hopelessness and anticipation instead of sorrow. It may be nighttime in our hearts, but just ahead lies the dawn of eternity. And with, God promises the endless joy of heavenly morning.
Someday my grief will turn to joy!
12 comments:
Love you Kristin for the wonderful person you have been for Ryan, Lily & Wyatt and this family! Joy will come when HE returns for all who believe! I pray HE comes today!
Papa Steve
When I went to turn on my computer today it dawned on me that it has been 6 months since Ryan left us to go home. I felt a few stinging tears but also felt a reassuarnce that Ryan is so happy and healthy in our Lord's kingdom! I pray daily for you Kristin and the kids, that God takes your burden of grief and replaces the heaviness in your heart with peace. I have said it before, and I will say it again...you reliance and trust in God is amazing and inspires me to seek God more and to be a better person. You are in my thoughts and prayers today and always.
I don't know you but prayed for you this morning. God is faithful.
kate snodgrass
You are such beautiful woman of faith! I am so proud to call you my sister in Christ! You are an encouragement to me and my walk. You are a fighter and a runner of this race before us. Phil. 3:12-14
I love you!
I can't imagine dear Kristin-know that you are loved, prayed for and thought about my many daily.
Amen sweet sister..Amen!!!
{{{HUGS}}} for you and the children...
thank you for this post. My heart needed that verse today. I love you! Keep relying on strength from Jesus!
Dear Kristin... There is nothing I can say... My heart breaks for you... I was thinking as I read your blog today how it just makes no sense, it all seems so meaningless and random.
I cling to some truths in 1 John... things we can KNOW! since there is so much we cannot know.
We know LOVE by the sacrifice of Jesus... 3:16
We know HOPE because when He appears we will be like Him... 3:2
We know PEACE because He abides with us and in us... 4:13
I am praying for you.
Brian.
hugs and prayers, kristin. for all of you...
kristin
6 months...it's such a milestone. we explain it to our kids that when we see seth again, he'll just think he was gone for a second - to which caleb replied "but then we'll tell him no it wasn't it was way too long away" 6 months....you've gotten through...you've continued to live...you've pressed on...to God be the glory for what He has done through you. rest in His righteous, loving, and compassionate arms to get you through the next 6, kristin - i believe that ryan is right there along with you.
prayers always
jolynn
I've been thinking about you and praying for you and the kids often. That was really all i wanted to tell you. Blessed Christmas.
I just want you to know that I love you!!!
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