Perspective

It is approaching 7 months since Ryan died, there are times I still wonder why: Why did God take Ryan to heaven rather than giving him "new" lungs here? Why did we have to say good-bye to someone we love some much? Why did he choose for Lily and Wyatt to grow up without their Daddy?

I am studying the life of David in my personal devotions. Right now I am looking at his "back story", what lead him to become the king of Israel. As Samuel neared the end of his life, the people of Israel wanted him to anoint a king, an earthly king. Samuel knew this was not what God had intended; God was to be their king. But, the people had rejected God, they had rejected his plans, his will. Samuel tried to talk the Israelites out of their desire for a king by warning them about what they would be getting with a king: taxes, loss of freedom, their sons and daughters living in virtual slavery.

This is what ties together my questions of why and the people of Israel:

Often when God does not readily give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desires would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives. (David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His, by Beth Moore)

I need to remind myself that God knows best, He always has and He always will. Ryan getting "new" lungs was not the right thing. I sometimes forget the conversation I had with Dr. Ojo a few days after Ryan died. She was telling me about his organs that we donated and what his Cystic Fibrosis had done to his body. I won't get into all the details, but a lung transplant would probably not have been successful for Ryan. I believe that God allowed me some peace and comfort in the way that Ryan died. I (along with his family who loved him) was able to be by his side as he entered into heaven, rather than hearing devastating news from the operating room.

For myself, I would still choose for Ryan to be here with me. But I would NEVER choose for Ryan to give up heaven or for him to continue suffering here on earth. I know that God knows best and I know that He loves me and He loves Ryan....

I will leave you with the prayer at the end of today's lesson:

Lord God, help me to see that times of difficulty or decision in my life are meant, by your sovereign love and mercy, not to pressure me into impatience but rather to grow in me patience and endurance. This in turn produces experience and proven character, which ultimately grows into a hope that does not disappoint, because Your love is being poured out in my heart through the Holy Spirit You have given me. (Rom 5:3-5)