Reflection

I am struck by the fact that it is already May 31. Where have the past five months gone?

I was reflecting on those thoughts this morning and I am amazed at what God has been doing in my life for the past five months. WOW! I remember being overwhelmed with grief and sadness on December 31 as I was getting ready to face a whole new year. Yes, Ryan had been gone for almost 7 months, but still it was a new year, the first "new year" without Ryan. I really didn't know what 2009 was going to look like. I really didn't know where I would find the strength to make it through January, not to mention February, March, April, and May.

God has been so faithful!

He has blessed us with a new house that I LOVE!
He has blessed me with overwhelming peace, love and security.
He has blessed me with hope for the future.
He has blessed me with parents who continually support and love us.
He has blessed us with family who love us.
He has blessed me with friends who encourage me and help out immensely!
He has blessed us with a trip to Disney.

Yes, there have been difficult days in the past five months. Days when I was not sure I had the strength to make it through. Days when the loneliness was consuming. But as I look back and reflect on the first 5 months of 2009, I can see God at work. And I am BLESSED!

What do you say ...

...when your 3 year old son asks if Jesus will let Daddy come back from heaven to live with us at our new house?
...when that same 3 year old son asks why Daddy had to go to heaven from the hospital?

Two Quick Things

Thing One: In my quiet time yesterday, I was struck by the words of Beth Moore in her book "John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple" (p. 213). I was in day 44 and there were words there that I just needed to hear and thus wanted to share with all of you

"Jesus Christ is everything we need....Remember, He is the self-sufficient One! He came to be what we need -- not just what we need but what we desire most in all of life. The "I Am" came to be with us.

We will never have a challenge He can't empower us to meet. We will never have a need He can't fill. We will never have an earthly desire He can't exceed. When we allow Christ to be all He is to us, we find wholeness. One piece at a time. Every time you discover the reality of Christ fulfilling another realm of your needs and longings, His name is written on a different part of you, and you are that much closer to wholeness."

Wow, she is so wise and I am continually growing in my walk as I study God's word with her guidance!

Thing Two: Very trivial, but fun none the less...the blog is less that 100 hits away from being at the 100,000 mark. I don't rival some of the "big" blogs, but fun for me anyway...

Memorial Day 2009

I don't know that I have the right words to fully explain the thoughts that were running through my head today. My morning was very difficult. It was not so much because it was Memorial Day; it was because for some reason I could only focus on Memorial Day of last year.

It was a truly horrible day. Ryan was struggling. I was terrified. We were surrounded by family. Lily and Wyatt came into the ICU to see Ryan. I remember coming out of the unit carrying Wyatt and seeing Dr. Ojo. Wyatt wanted nothing to do with anyone but me, so he stayed with me while I talked with her. She was so wonderful that day. She was honest with me. She told me how desperate the situation was becoming. Ryan needed to get his lungs soon. She told me the truth, but she also told me that Ryan could not know because they needed him to keep fighting. I had to be strong. I had to share this information with the people who loved us the most. I could not give up.

I didn't want to be strong. I wanted to scream and cry and run away. I held Wyatt so tight in those moments. I blinked back tears as long as I could, but as I listened to her talk, I just kept thinking that this could not be happening. We could not possibly be having "this" conversation. I wanted to wake up from the horrible nightmare. I wanted to be able to wake up and be at home with my husband and my children. I wanted to be living a "normal" life.

This morning I felt the same way. I didn't want to be strong anymore. I wanted to scream and cry. I blinked back tears and thought, this cannot be my life. I cannot possibly keep going through this loneliness. I wanted to wake up and realize that the past year has really just been a bad dream.

But, I cannot give up. I must press on. I must keep going. I must receive strength from God. I must be the Mom that Lily and Wyatt need me to be. I must create new and happy memories with them. I must keep living. It is what Ryan would want me to do. And, to be honest, I don't want to erase the entire past year. I want to take what I have learned and keep growing. Keep trusting.

We did create some fun and happy memories today. We went to the parade with my family. We stood and clapped for the veterans. We waved our flags. We saw fire trucks. We caught candy. We smiled. We laughed.

We made it through our last "first" holiday.

We brought our flags to Daddy's Place.

Things that made me smile today:

• Lily was putting her shorts on this morning. She was struggling a little and she looked at me with a completely serious face and said, "I having issues."
• Wyatt's new-found bravery at the parade -- still doesn't like the loud noises, but he sat at the curb the whole time. :)
• As we were leaving the cemetery, Lily was shouting, "Daddy, I hope you have fun with your flags."

Memorial Day

Memorial Day 2007

Memorial Day was one of Ryan's favorite holidays. He was always very grateful to the men and women who have fought and to those who contine to fight for the freedom of our country. (He actually tried to sign up for the armed services himself, but due to his health, he was unable to serve.) Ryan would always be one of the first people to stand up and clap as the veterans made their way past us in the parade.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. We are going to the parade and then heading to my parents' house for a family cookout. It won't be the same, but we will go and I will try and teach Lily and Wyatt the importance of honoring our veterans -- I know Ryan would have made sure they understood!

Remembering Ryan

**PLEASE MAKE SURE TO SEND IN THE REGISTRATION FORM ( I CAN EMAIL YOU AN ACTUAL FORM IF NEEDED, JUST LET ME KNOW) FOR THE EVENT ON FRIDAY, JUNE 5. PLEASE RSVP TO MY EMAIL FOR THE EVENT ON SATURDAY, JUNE 6. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING US!**

Two weeks from tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of Ryan's death. It is so hard for me to believe that this much time has passed. Many of you have asked me what you can do for me during this time or what I will be doing in Ryan's honor. There are actually two things happening that weekend, one that is being planned for our family and one that I am planning.

The first event is the Ryan Sweeney Family Memorial Dinner and Fundraiser on Friday, June 5. The people that Ryan worked with at 5/3rd have teamed up with my church family to honor Ryan and to bless our family. They have asked me to share the details with all of you:

Ryan Sweeney FamilyMemorial Dinner and Fundraiser

Friday, June 5, 2009

Chapel Pointe Church

3350 Baldwin Street Hudsonville, MI 49426

Spaghetti Dinner Served 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Includes spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, desserts and refreshments

Children’s activities include a cake walk, temporary tattoos and face painting, inflatable play gym, Touch‐A‐Truck Fire Truck Tour courtesy of Georgetown Fire Department

Net proceeds will benefit the Sweeney Family Memorial Fund.

Minimum Donation Requested:

Adults / $10 each

Children 3‐10yrs / $5 each
Children under 3yrs / free

To volunteer at the event, please contact Lisa Sharp at 616‐653‐5432 or Lisa.Sharp@53.com

Registration Form - Please return form along with a check payable to Sweeney Memorial Fund, to Fifth Third Bank, c/o Janis Lea-Wireman, 111 Lyon Street NW, Maildrop RMOBGG, Grand Rapids, MI 49503. For information, call (616) 653-5228 or e-mail Janis.Lea-Wireman@53.com.

Name: _______________________________________
Phone: __________________

Address: _____________________________________________
E-mail: _______________________________________________________

Yes, we would like to attend:
Number of Adults: _____ @ $10.00 each
Number of Children: _____ @ $5.00 each

No, we cannot attend, but we would like to contribute $ ________ toward the Sweeney Family Memorial Fund.

Total Amount Enclosed: $__________

I would like to volunteer at the event. Y / N (circle one)

Please contact me at the number/e-mail (circle one) above.


Here are the details of the second event being held to remember Ryan:

A Day of Remembering

Who: Anyone who wants to come and remember Ryan.
When: Saturday, June 6 at noon (EST)
Where: Our Home
What: A potluck lunch; videos of Ryan; stories, laughter and tears.
I will have a journal available for you to share your stories and memories of Ryan that I can one day pass along to Lily and Wyatt.
Following the lunch it is my desire to head over to the cemetery where we will let off balloons (probably around 1:30/2:00).

Please let me know if you will be joining us for this event so that I can plan accordingly (rksweeney@sbcglobal.net). Please feel free to come for part or all of this event. If you were able to bring a dish to pass that would be extremely appreciated. I am hoping for beautiful weather so we can spread out outside (please bring a lawn chair). I will be providing the balloons, so please let me know if you will be joining us at the cemetery.

Thank you so much for your love and support during this difficult time!

Some Firsts

We have had a few more firsts in the past few days; some were actual firsts and some were firsts without Ryan.

• I bought a bike (for me) and a bike trailer (for Lily and Wyatt) so that we can get out and enjoy the beautiful spring weather together (as well as show the kids that exercise is important). It is a lot of work pulling the extra 50+ pounds around, but the kids giggle and laugh the whole time; most of the time they tell me to keep going and not to go home! This morning when I said that we were going home, they asked, "Why, Mommy?" To which I replied, "Mommy is tired." Wyatt then told me, "You can go in and take a nap. We will just chill in here." Tonight we used the bike and trailer to go to a local ice cream shop -- YUM!

• I grilled hamburgers for dinner tonight. It is the first time I have used the grill all year, and only the second time I have used it since Ryan died. When we were first married, Ryan did all the grilling. He was FABULOUS! As time went on, I had to take over the grilling, but he was in charge of the timing as well as keeping Lily and Wyatt distracted so I could get the food ready. I have been hesitant to grill on my own because I didn't know how I would keep the kids distracted or how I would do with the whole timing of things. It also made me sad just to think about grilling without Ryan. I did it. The burgers were okay and we made it through another first (even if it was a "small" one)...and we had our first picnic outside at our picnic table.

• We brought flowers to Daddy's Place for the first time this spring. The kids continue to love to go there, although they thought we were actually bringing flowers to Daddy at first. They said, "In heaven?" Then we had to get in the whole discussion of bringing flowers to Daddy's Place -- where we go to remember Daddy.

  

  

Dutch?

I am 100% Dutch. One of the things you learn while growing up and being Dutch is that you need to get things cheap and learn all ways to save money. :) I have not been very good at following this rule, but I do love a good bargain! My sister amazes me with her ability to cut coupons and save money....she has been known to use coupons so well she gets things for free!

A friend of mine from high school (also Dutch) has recently began a blog where she shares her secrets of cutting coupons and saving money. The money she is able to save is amazing. I thought that some of you might also want to save money (will apply most to those living in Western Michigan). Here is the link to her blog Give Me Neither. You can also find it listed in my blog list.

Happy Shopping and Saving!

Overwhelmed by God

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name;

you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel,

your SAVIOR.

Isaiah 43:1-3

These verses were sent to us last year while Ryan was in the hospital. They helped us to keep fighting each day. They gave us the strength to face each challenge and to know that we would be able to make it through whatever came our way.

I was reflecting on the words of these verses this morning and I was so overwhelmed by God, by His promises. They have reminded me that God has not let me go, even once, in the last year. He has walked beside me; He has held me up.

The trials in the ICU and the trials of this past year have strengthened me. They have refined me. They have stretched me. There have been days (even in the past week) when I felt like I was drowning or being scorched, but I have made it through each of those days. I am thankful that I have grown and changed, that I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am thankful for my God and His faithfulness to me through all of the waters, rivers, and fires.

Gratitude

I love this song and all that it stands for. God does not always give us what we want or what we think is best...

May I give thanks for the way that God works and the things He provides.



Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun
that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...

342...23...

342...

• the number of days since June 6, 2008
• the number of days since Ryan went to heaven
• the number of days I have been a widow
• the number of days my children have not had their daddy
• the number of days I have searched for a new "normal"

23...

• the number of days to June 6, 2009
• the number of days left to get through this first year

Yesterday, as I sat in the drive-thru at the bank, I was hit with reality. It was as though I realized for the first time that this is my life now. I am a widow. I am a single mom. I have to do this on my own. I don't have any other choices, because Ryan isn't coming back.

I have obviously known all of these facts for almost a year. I have grieved Ryan's death; I have grieved my new roles in life; I have grieved the dreams I have lost. I have found joy in the small things. I have peace and strength that only God can give.

I think it just hit me so hard because I have become used to it. I have found a new "normal". I have learned how to get through each day without Ryan. I have found the strength to deal with two 3 year olds. I have managed to create a life here where I am able to laugh and smile, to have hopes and dreams.

I know that those are all good things for me, yet I do not like it. I do not like this new normal. I wish Ryan was here living life with me, raising Lily and Wyatt with me.

I wonder where God will take us now. A year ago I had no idea that this would be my life today. The future is a scary thing for me, because I have no idea what lies ahead. Growing up I always knew (or thought I did) what was coming: graduation from high school and college, a teaching career, marriage, children, happily ever after... I accomplished all those goals, well almost. But now what. Where does I go from here? I am not sure what God's plans are for me future and it is scary for me. I am trying to rest peacefully in His promises for me...not an easy thing to do.

{As far as June 6, 2009 goes, I am not sure what it will look like for me. To be honest, I cannot begin to imagine what I will be feeling that day. Many of you have asked what I want to do that day or what you can do for me that day. My answer...I don't know. I cannot picture what I want that day to be. I know that I don't want it to be a day full of sadness, although I am sure there will be some tears. I am hoping to figure out a way to "celebrate" Ryan's 1st Birthday in heaven. Please be patient with me as that day approaches...my emotions have already been a mess (although I hide it most of the time). Thanks for your love, support, and understanding.}

DISNEY!

We had a terrific time on our trip to Walt Disney World. Here is a run-down of our time there...enjoy the slide show at the end! :)

Wednesday:
We left from our local airport without too much hassle. Both kids did AMAZING on the airplane. Wyatt even said "wee" when we took off. They both enjoyed the "bumps" (read: turbulence) and giggled throughout much of the trip.

We made our connecting flight in Atlanta with seconds to spare (not the most fun experience of my life, but we all survived). We then proceeded to sit in the airplane on the runway for an hour and a half...Lily and Wyatt did fantastic!

We landed in Orlando, grabbed our luggage, a bite to eat, and then the Disney Magical Express over to Disney World. We were greeted by my friend, Jenni, who I went to Clearwater Christian College with. She is actually a "Cast Member" at Disney and was able to bless us greatly during our trip! We found our cabin at Fort Wilderness and got the kids ready for bed. Jenni and I were able to run out and get a few groceries for our stay. Thanks so much for all you did, Jenni!

Thursday:
We began our day with an hour and a half transportation adventure. We took both a boat and a bus to get to our Character Breakfast with Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy at the Beach Club Resort. The food was delicious and worth all the effort it took to get there. Watching Lily and Wyatt interact with the different characters was priceless!

We then boarded another bus and headed over to explore Downtown Disney. The kids had fun going into all different shops and seeing Mickey and friends throughout it all. We all enjoyed our ice cream from Ghiradelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop. It was then back to Fort Wilderness from some rest time before returning to Downtown Disney for dinner at Earl of Sandwich.

Friday:
We met up with Jenni and her daughter, Lily, at Animal Kingdom. The first thing we did was go on the Kilimanjaro Safari. It was so neat to see the different animals up close! There was a baby giraffe only a few feet from our truck and a rhino actually crossed the road right in front of us. Jenni kept telling me that she couldn't believe how many animals were out...more than usual. We also enjoyed Finding Nemo -- The Musical while in Animal Kingdom.

After lunch, we all loaded in Jenni's car and drove over to Magic Kingdom. We were handed some FastPasses to the Winnie the Pooh ride which the kids loved! Lily was then able to meet her favorites: the princesses. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Belle were all just waiting for her! :)

We did a little more wandering and then headed back to Fort Wilderness for some rest and some time to cool off (it was in the 90's every day that we were at Disney). No one slept, but we did cool off! We (my mom and I) also decided it would be in our best interest to rent a golf cart to help us get around. (That was the main draw back to staying at the cabins, you have to get on an "internal" bus just to get to either the boats or the other buses to get anywhere.)

We took our newly acquired golf cart back to the marina and took a boat back to Magic Kingdom for dinner and more fun. We all enjoyed "It's A Small World"; it was fun to watch the kids faces and they looked at all the different scenes! The kids and I then went on the Magic Carpet Ride from Aladdin (similar to Dumbo). Wyatt surprised me by giggling and laughing through the whole ride! They then enjoyed some Mickey Ear ice cream before we headed back to our cabin for the night.

Saturday:
We had a much more relaxed day on Saturday. We slept in (7:30 instead of 6:30) and then explored Fort Wilderness on our golf cart while we waited for my friend, Laurie, and her kids, Zane and Sophia to come for the day. Laurie and I went to Trinity Christian College together! We enjoyed playing at the park and swimming together in the pool (where Wyatt once again surprised me with his laughter!). It was so good to see Laurie and meet her kids (I haven't seen Laurie since my wedding!).

Lily and Wyatt laid down for a nap, my dad took a hike, and my mom and I rested after Laurie and her kids left. After resting, we again went back to Downtown Disney for dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express. I thought the food was delicious! We did a little more shopping before heading back to our cabin one last time. :(

Sunday:
We packed up and got ready to start another LONG day of travel. It was a little stressful again in the airport, but we managed to make our flight. We got back home just before bedtime!

Overall, the trip was great! My parents were fantastic...I could not have made this trip without them! Lily and Wyatt amazed me with their flexibility and their enjoyment of all things! We were able to create memories that will last forever...and yes, I do hope to go back to Disney some day!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A Magical Moment...Preview :)

Here is a brief glimpse of our trip...stay tuned for pictures...

It's Finally Here...

Today is the day. It is May 6, 2009. The kids and I (along with my parents) will be boarding a plane and heading to the place where dreams come true. I wonder what our trip will actually look like. What will make the kids laugh? What will put a look of pure awe on their faces? What moments will I cherish forever? I can't wait to spend this time with the kids. I can't wait to have this time away. I can't wait to create new and happy memories with Lily and Wyatt!

Today is the day. It is May 6, 2009. Today marks the 11 month anniversary of Ryan's death. I have only one more month to prepare for June 6, 2009. What will make me cry? How will I handle that day? What will I do to honor Ryan's memory and celebrate, yes, celebrate his first heaven birthday?

Today is the day. A bittersweet day. A day filled with great anticipation. A day to create new memories. A day to remember.

More Firsts

We are facing more "firsts" this week. I am dreading facing the "firsts". I hate the "firsts"! They aren't all big events, but they are events that meant something to Ryan.

Kentucky Derby. Ryan LOVED to watch this. I have no idea why, but he looked forward to watching this split-second sporting event each year. Last year we watched this from Ann Arbor (not actually together because I was out to dinner...). I don't want to watch it today!

Mother's Day. Yes, Mother's Day is a full week away, but due to our vacation, we are celebrating Mother's Day tonight with my family (Mom, thanks for all that you do for the kids and I! We could not have gotten through this past year without you!). I don't know why this day seems so hard. It is, after all, a day for moms, but Ryan always did his best to make this a special day for me. He always did something sweet or silly to tell me how much he appreciated me being the mother of his children. Last year, we spent Mother's Day together in the hospital with both of our moms. It was a hard day because he was "diagnosed" with C-DIF and once again put on hold.

Disney. Please don't get me wrong, I am REALLY looking forward to our vacation this week. I am looking forward to getting away for a few days. But this is the first vacation we are taking as a family and a very important part of the family is missing. Ryan and I were never able to take vacations due to his health issues and a lack of finances (he did spoil me with a honeymoon in Hawaii though!). I know that he would love watching Lily and Wyatt take in everything at Disney.

There have been other things happening in life that I long to discuss with Ryan: to gain his wisdom, to cry on his shoulder, to laugh about together, to share the burden. I miss him so much today!!!

Fun with Auntie!

The last few days we have been busy having fun. Auntie Amanda (Ryan's sister) came up to stay with us for a few days.

We had a tremendous amount of fun playing at a park...

having adventures in Target...

exploring at the children's museum...

and just being silly outside...

Thanks Auntie for coming over to play! We love you!

Love of Spring!

I LOVE spring ... it is one of my favorite seasons (along with fall).

I love the walks I take around my house, discovering the different life growing out there (thankfully, I didn't have to plant it and hopefully it will take care of itself)!

I love the warm days when the kids are able to play outside for hours.

I love my fenced in backyard that is basically our own personal park.

I love the new loader that Aunt Sandy found for us on a garage sale...Wyatt is in his glory!

I love the laughter of my children.

I love the pictures that they take.

Reality

Reality is...
...being a widow
...being a single parent
...loneliness
That is my reality.

What will I do with it? How will it change me? Will I grow and learn from my reality or will I sit here and whine and feel sorry for myself?

God must have heard my cries of loneliness yesterday and decided to make Himself be heard in my life today. Two different times today, God has told me that He is here. That He is taking care of me. That I need to let go of my expectations for my life and allow Him to work in me.

As I was doing my bible study this morning, I read the following words from Beth Moore in John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple (pp.67 & 68):

"If He (Christ) gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work....I truly believe that if we're willing to see, God uses every difficulty and every assignment to confide deep things to us, and that the lessons are not complete until their beauty has been revealed. I fear, however, that we have such attention deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty was just around the corner."

WOW! Okay, God, I am listening. I know you are teaching me, now please help me learn.

I then headed to church. I love my church. I love the people. I love the music. I love the teaching. Over the last year, I have felt that God has used every message to speak to me and today was no different. The sermon title was "The Great Wall of Reality." Our pastor started off by saying: "your present reality can be used to accomplish God's ultimate purpose." He went on to talk about King David and the struggles he faced before actually reaching the throne. How God used the circumstances of his life to make him a better king. How we need to take the realities of our lives and allow God to grow us through them.

It is hard for me to see right now how God will use my reality for His purpose, but I need to sit back and let God work. I need to trust and believe that God will do what He says He will do. I have no reason to doubt Him. He has been abundantly faithful over the last year, blessing me and sustaining me with this grace and love and strength!

I can tell you that I consider my reality a difficult season in my life. Am I letting it shape me and mold me? Am I waiting and learning? Will I settle for bearable or will I press on and find the beauty that God has just around the corner?

I have been absent from the blog because I really don't have much to say. There are things that go through my mind on a daily basis regarding our journey, but most of those things I don't know how to put down into words. I hate to always be negative or depressing, so sometimes it is easier not to share...

There is a constant battle of loneliness raging in my heart and in my mind. I hate walking this path by myself. Yes, I know that I have a lot of friends and family who care about me. Yes, I know that I have a God who loves me immeasurably. Yes, I know that I have two beautiful children who make me laugh (and sometimes cry) on a daily basis. But that does not change the fact that life is lonely. It does not change the fact that Ryan does not walk through the door each night after work. It does not change the fact that the one person who could get Wyatt to smile during a bath is never going to help with baths again. It does not change the fact that being a single mom is one of the hardest tasks I have ever faced. It does not change the fact that each night I lay in bed and my husband does not lay next to me.

I keep hoping that when I wake up each morning it will get a little easier. Some days are easier; some days are not. Seven weeks from today we will be at the anniversary of Ryan's death. I keep thinking that maybe things will be different after that. All of the firsts will be done. I will have survived the first year. But, in reality, life will continue on without Ryan just as it has done for the past year. I will still face loneliness. I will still face the struggles of being a single mom.

But, I will still make it through each day with God's strength, grace and love.

Gotta Love a Giveaway!

Do you remember Maggie Moo's Mom~Alison Harris who made these adorable shirts for Lily and Wyatt?

Well she is doing a giveaway for spring...Who’s Ready for a Spring Giveaway!!!?!! She has started creating these fabulous new keyfob/keychains. Go check it out!