Updates on Life

The move went GREAT! There were over 20 people at our townhouse to help us move. They had everything loaded, moved, and unloaded in less than an hour and a half. By the time I went to bed last night 99% of the boxes were unpacked and put away! YIPPEE! Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those who helped with getting our house ready and with the move!

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We have something new to look forward to -- we are going to Disney World! This is not something that I ever thought I would say, especially at this time in my life. We got a fantastic deal that was too good to pass up (Thank you, Jenni!). My parents will be joining us in early May for a 5 day vacation at Disney. We are planning to only go to Magic Kingdom and only for one day, but we will be staying at a Disney resort that offers many opportunities for fun and some much needed relaxation!

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It is crazy to think back to one year ago and see where we have travelled. It was one year ago today that I was bringing Ryan to the ER in Grand Rapids to be treated for influenza and pneumonia. (He was only home with us 10 more days after that hospital stay.)

If you had asked me one year ago if I could be where I am today, I would say no. God is good. God is faithful. He has taught me much in the last year; some lessons I wish I did not have to learn, but I am thankful for the way he has helped me to grow. Our sermon this morning at church was on the secrets of being content with life. Listening to the sermon brought tears to my eyes, because I could feel and see God's blessings in my life in spite of the difficulties I have faced in the last year. I would not and could not be where I am today if it were not for him. Thank you God for your provisions and your promises!

(I will probably be rather quiet on the blog over the next few days, we won't have the Internet at the new house until Friday.)

Almost Done!!!!

The painting is done! The light fixtures are hung. The carpets are being cleaned this morning. The insulation was finished last night (I think, hope, and pray -- they weren't starting round 2 until 9:30 last night and I must admit I was already in bed). Much cleaning was done yesterday and will hopefully be finished today. The pantry is stained and in the process of being "finished". Packing will be in full effect this afternoon.

I am so ready to be done; to be moved in, unpacked, and enjoying our new home.

I cannot say thank you enough to all the people who have donated their time and services to help turn our house into a home!

New Pics of Progress

Here are a couple pictures showing the paint and back splash in the kitchen and dining room. You might have to actually click on the pictures and make them bigger to see the difference.

Close up of the back splash: before = sticky bricks/after = Formica to match counter top.

We didn't get all of the kitchen painted. Here is a picture that shows the actual difference in color between the before and after greens.

A Rough Day

I shed more than a few tears as I began my first Valentine's Day without Ryan. My emotions hit me harder than I expected, but I made it through. Having the house is a good distraction. There is so much going on there, I don't have time to focus on my hurt for too long.

Speaking of the house, that made for an interesting day as well. We had our first work injury. My dad cut his finger while cutting out the Formica for the back splash and ended up needing to go and get stitches (which lead to my kids needing a different babysitter than my mom, thanks, April). Thankfully, my dad is okay, just in a little bit of pain.

• My brother-in-law was able to finish the back splash and it looks terrific -- so much better than the sticky brick!
• My friend was able to come and install the exhaust fan in the bathroom and do some other electrical stuff around the house.
• My father-in-law came up for the weekend and was able to do a bunch of "little" things around the house that needed to be done, but sometimes get pushed to the back of the list (new light fixtures up, blinds and curtains hung in 1/2 bath, new mirror hung, towel rod and toilet paper holder back up). He also helped me prep for painting in the bath upstairs.
• And, because my dad hurt himself and was unable to work in the kitchen on the pantry, we were able to get the first coat of paint up in the dining room and most of the kitchen.

There are still quite a few things that will be done during the week this week, but the house is really coming together and we should be (mostly) ready for the move on Saturday.

• Insulation is going to be put in Monday or Tuesday night
• Electrical will be finished Monday or Tuesday night
• Pantry stained and installed (it looks BEAUTIFUL and I can't wait to show it off!)
• Second coat of paint in dining room and kitchen
• Paint in main bath
• Gas hook up to the stove
• Curtains and blinds hung
• CLEANING!!!!

I think that is about it...I am sure that I will always find little things that can be done, but it should at least be live-able by next weekend!

Valentine Memory...

Well, it is Valentine's Day. A day to spend with the one you love. It is the day that started it all for Ryan and I seven years ago. Here is the story I have written in my journal of memories about Ryan (thanks, Kelly!!!):

Our first date wasn't really even a date. Ryan and I were both single and not loving the idea of Valentine's Day as February 14, 2002 rolled around. I mentioned my disdain for the upcoming holiday to Laurel (his mom) and somehow it came out that Ryan felt the same way. We ended up agreeing that we would meet for dinner at Famous Dave's, both of us wearing black.

It was really meant to be a friend thing. I didn't know Ryan that well. We had chatted a few times at his sister's basketball games and at a Super Bowl Party his parents had, but that was the extent of our friendship.

I remember being a little nervous, but overall I was just glad I wouldn't be sitting at home alone on Valentine's Day. Ryan was a true sweetheart and a hopeless romantic. Even though it was not a date he brought me a light pink rose. When he handed it to me he said "This is because every girl deserves to have flowers on Valentine's Day."

I didn't know where things would lead after that first date, but Ryan made sure that I felt special from the beginning!

I LOVE YOU, RYAN!

We Love you, Daddy!

**Kelly also sent me the cute hearts to put by Ryan's grave. Thank you for your thoughtfulness!!!

Children, Obey Your Parents

I am trying to teach Lily and Wyatt specific bible verses along with the different bible stories. The video series that our small group is studying suggested teaching Eph. 6:1 as the first verse that children learn, so we have been working on that this week. I think that they are so cute when they say it and I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy!

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1

(Remember to turn off the sound on the right hand side of the blog.)

**Wyatt was asking me if the camera is "dying" at the end because I had said something about the battery dying...just in case you wondered why he started asking if something was dying.**

Please watch...Please donate...

This video reminds me so much of Ryan's story, our story. Many of their thoughts and feelings were and are mine. I obviously am not Ryan's parent, but waiting for the call, his being listed at number one, the outcome, it sounds so much like us. Please watch and then please make sure you are a donor...give someone the gift of life.

How Can I Not Love Them?

Pictures of Progress

Here are the pictures of the progress that I had promised on Sunday. I am feeling a little less overwhelmed today. I have worked in the house for a few hours the past couple of days which has allowed some rooms to be "complete". I also had some volunteers give up their night last night to help make that possible -- THANKS!

Here is a before and after picture of what the kitchen/pantry currently looks like. My dad loves doing woodwork, so he is in his element now actually building something out of wood rather than painting or demo-ing.

Here is the before and after of the half bath. I really like the red, although it has a touch of orange in it. I was able to put the third and final (I hope) coat of paint on it this morning.

Here are a couple of before and after shots of the living room. I chose to have the front wall painted a dark brown. We were able to put the second coat of paint on that last night. The peach paint that was in there is now either brown or beige, but the beige is hard to see in pictures so I didn't take any pictures focusing on that. (You can kind of see it on the bulk head in the first "after" picture).

Progress

Some good progress was made at the house yesterday, unfortunately I was busy helping and I haven't taken any pictures yet. We had wonderful volunteers (Shane, Terry, Steve and my dad) who enjoyed giving me a hard time about the new colors going up around the house. Seriously though, THANK YOU for giving up part of your Saturday to help me out and thank you to your wives as well!!!!!!!!!

• The half bath on the main floor is "hot apple spice" (red), almost, it needs at least one more coat, probably two.
• The hallway upstairs and most of the walls in the living room have been painted "shabby chic" (beige) twice and is complete as far as painting goes.
• The front wall in the living room has its first coat of "classic brown" but needs at least one more coat.
• The ceiling in the kitchen and dining room has been sanded 3x's and painted 3x's...there are still issue, but at this point I am just going to live with it.
• The main bath has been sanded.

Here is what still needs to be done (with only one work weekend left...ahhh!!!):

• Backsplash in kitchen: sanded again, primed, and laminate put up
• Kitchen, dining room and back hall way painted "Galapagos green"
• Main bath needs both the ceiling and walls painted (white and "shabby chic")
• Half bath needs another coat or two
• Front wall in the living room needs another coat or two
• Painting the inside walls of the cupboards
• Pantry finished (my dad is working on this...thanks Dad!)
• Sub floor put in for the new stove (which I purchased and then found out it was missing its electrical cord..ughh)
• Gas hook up for the stove (being done by a plumber I know)
• Electrical hook up for the stove (110 ???)
• Insulation blown into the attic (thank you to those who have already volunteered!)
• Baffles??? put into the attic before insulation
• Exhaust fan but into the bathroom before insulation
• New counter top in the bathroom upstairs...maybe, hopefully, probably not...
• Curtains hung in Lily's room and Living room
• New light fixtures up in dining room, hallway upstairs, and entry way
• MAJOR cleaning!!!
• Tons of packing!!!

Please be in prayer that we are able to get these things done and that I don't get too overwhelmed. I know much of it could be done while we are actually living there, but I would rather not do them with two 2 year olds running around. :) Thank you to all who have offered to help, I may be asking for a lot of help over the next two weeks (move in is schedule for the 21st)!

So Many Hurting...

I have been reminded in the last few days of how many people, how many friends are hurting. I tend to get wrapped up in my selfish bubble of hurt and forget that others are facing their own struggles.

I am not at liberty to name any names, but this yucky economy is starting to hit closer to home in the lives of some of my friends. It breaks my heart to hear the different stories I have heard over the last few days. I am praying that God will show Himself faithful to these wonderful friends as He has shown Himself faithful in my life.

Remembering

The first week of the month never fails to fill my mind with memories. There are both good memories and bad.

Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder that in two short months my babies will be three....how is that possible...it is a happy memory to remember them entering this world 34 months ago.

Today is the 3rd and it is a reminder of the last time I saw Ryan sitting up in a chair and eating Chili's chicken strips, a favorite for him. June 3rd was the last time he was able to get out of bed. It was a moment that filled me with hope after a very difficult day in the ICU.

Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of our wedding day, July 5th. Happy memories as we started our life together...we had no idea what God had in store for us over the next five years.

Thursday is the 5th and it is a reminder of the night I had to say good-bye to Ryan, our last I love you's, our last kisses.

Friday is the 6th and it is my nephew, Charlie's, third birthday. He was born 8 short weeks before Lily and Wyatt. He has a smile that lights the room. He creates many happy memories!

Friday is the 6th and it is a reminder of the day Ryan went to heaven. It is a reminder of our dreams ending. It is a reminder of being an incomplete family.

Memories both good and bad fill my mind and my heart today...

Catching Up

It has been a busy few days, so I thought I would update with some different pictures that I have taken.

Everything went very smoothly with the closing on Friday; I think the whole thing lasted about 30 minutes. I got immediate possession, so I went home, got the kids, filled the car with stuff and went to the new house with my parents. My dad got to work right away on Friday and we had lots of wonderful helpers on Saturday!

Signing papers...

My dad took out the old counter-top stove and in wall oven (too small for me!). He cut out the counter top for a regular range and he will be building me a pantry where the old oven was.

Sticky brick is GONE!!!

Lily's room is PURPLE! (Maybe a little more purple than I was anticipating...)

Other tasks accomplished: new faucet in half bath; garabage disposal tightened; insulation in basement and wood box; ceilings painted in Lily's room, hallway, living room and entry way; banister post tightened; drawer glides fixed in the kitchen; bath tub re-caulked; hallway cut-in with new paint; kitchen drawers painted (inside)...

Thank you so much to my dad, Terry, Trevor, Geoff, Aaron and Lori for all of your hard work in the house and to my mom and Erin for babysitting!!!!!

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Sunday as I was getting ready for church, Lily was with me in the bathroom. I was able to capture this picture of her in my mirror as she was pulling faces at herself in the full length mirror.

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I have written before about Maggie Moo's Mom~Alison Harris. Alison is very talented and she makes adorable kids clothes. She made these awesome shirts for Lily and Wyatt. I LOVE THEM...they are so cute! Go check out her site!

THANKS, ALISON!!!!!!!!

Wyatt got a Monster Truck shirt!

Lily got a LOVE shirt!

Today is the Day!

In a few short hours, I will own a home! Let the fun begin...

I need to share...

How good God is!

I have been overwhelmed with a feeling of peace and contentment in my life. I am sure that it doesn't make sense to many people; it doesn't make sense to me. These feelings can only be from God -- He is so AMAZING!!!

He has blessed me with two wonderful children! He is allowing us to have a new home. He has surrounded me with wonderful friends and family. He finds surprising ways to bring a smile to my face.

I am excited about the future. I know that God will be walking with me, I know that He will not leave me. I know that He loves me.

I just needed to share that today...

A Sweet Letter

Laughing Boxes

One of the best things about having twins is the built-in playmate. Lily and Wyatt were having a great time playing together today and I was able to capture some of their laughter on camera. I LOVE THEM!!!!

The Silent Enemy

There is a silent enemy that often invades my days when I least expect it. It always takes me by surprise and it often brings tears and heartache. This silent enemy is loneliness.

For me, loneliness is the worst "side effect" of grief. It has stuck with me for the last 7 1/2 months while most other things have come and gone. Loneliness does not rule my days, just moments within the days.

Ironically, the times I feel most lonely are often the times that I am with other people. It hits me as I watch other couples interact with each other or when I see other dads with their children. I often choose to withdraw; to bury the hurt inside. People may think that I am being rude or that I am angry, but really I am just trying to survive the moment.

I am thankful that loneliness isn't always around, but when it is there and I wish it would go away.

Some Recent Pics

I haven't posted many pictures lately and to be honest I haven't taken nearly as many as usual. Here are some of my favorites over the last couple of weeks:

Lily with the rug for her new room. It is hard to tell, but there is some purple in the flowers and in the border to tie it in with her walls.

Wyatt's rug goes with the transportation theme already in his room. He LOVES it!

We love Baby Jessie!

Sledding! We tried sledding for the first time (this year) last night with all of the cousins. You can see the sheer joy on Lily's face and the sheer terror on Wyatt's...these pictures say it all.

My little man, so sweet (when he wants to be)!

One Month

One month from today (Feb. 21) the kids and I are planning to move into our new house -- yippee. Many of you have offered to help, but I am not very good at asking for help, so I thought that I would use the blog to list some of the different tasks that I need/would like done before we actually move into the house. We do get possession at close, which is supposed to be next week Friday. If you are interested in helping with any of the following tasks, please let me know... I would be extremely grateful!

• Insulation in the attic
• Exhaust fan installed in the bathroom
• Bracing the knee wall in the attic over the garage??? (my dad would be able to explain this better)
• Tighten the garbage disposal
• Taking out the old counter-top stove and in-wall oven and replacing them with a "regular" range...I am hoping to be able to change it over from electric to gas as well. The built in microwave will need to come out and a hood put in as well...
• Change our the faucet in the half bath
• Possibly changing out the counter in the main bath...it is currently BRIGHT yellow!
• Painting: Lily's room (purple); kitchen and dining room (green); living room/entry way/hallway upstairs (brown & beige); possibly some ceilings
• Cleaning at the new house
• Packing at the townhouse
• Moving on the 21st or help with moving during the week before (I have A LOT of stuff in my parents' basement)

There are a few things that will need to be taken care of on the exterior of the house once the weather warms ups as well:

• Replacing the service doors in the garage
• Painting the front door...it is currently pink -- yikes!
• Glazing the windows
• Fixing the posts in front of the house

I appreciate all of you so much! You continue to overwhelm me with your love for us. I appreciate every ones' willingness to help us turn our new house into a home!!!!