I have a good memory. It used to drive Ryan crazy how much I could remember little things -- got him in trouble a few times :) I wish now that my memory was not as good. It's mainly dates that bother me. It seems that almost every day of the month has some association with Ryan -- good or bad.
Yesterday marked 5 months since Ryan had to be put on a ventilator. Tomorrow marks 5 months since Ryan was transferred to U of M. 5 months ago I was scared, anxious, sad, but still hopeful for new lungs. I walked around in a daze trying to figure out what was real. I think God blessed me with a little ignorance during those early days. I didn't fully comprehend what Ryan's being on a ventilator would mean. I had no idea where our journey would go.
I remember being in his hospital room with him after he was first put on the ventilator and sedated. I was alone. His family was on their way. Lily and Wyatt were with my parents. Ryan looked so different to me. He started coughing, but there was no sound -- it scared me. I am thankful for the hospital staff who were gracious enough to explain things to me as I cried by his bed.
There have been so many emotions in the past five months: from devastation to elation, from great joy to great sorrow. I miss Ryan greatly, but I am thankful that God has been faithful through it all.
3 comments:
Hold on to those memories...cling to your faith...trust and lean on the only one who understands. He is faithful and holds you so tightly. He will never let go. Praying and thinking of you today!
Memories are priceless! I am glad that you have a great memory and yet I am sure you sometimes wish you didn't. I praise God for His faithfulness and am awed by His strength in your life.
Praying for you Kristin. Hopefully the good memories will take over & the bad and scary ones will fade as time passes. We're here for you & we love you.
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