Two Months

Today it has been two months since Ryan died. It still hurts each day, sometimes more than others. I wish there was a way to stop time, but life continues on. Lily and Wyatt continue to grow up and learn to do new things that Ryan won't see -- I think that is the hardest thing about life going on.

Yesterday we went to the cemetery. I have only taken the kids one other time. They were so cute. They "helped" me tend to the flowers and then they just ran and laughed "by Daddy". I am sure that it would make Ryan smile.

God has continued to provide for us in unbelievable ways:

Financially:

• Ryan's life insurance check came (on our 5 year anniversary).
• Because of the life insurance: I have been able to pay off all debt; get us a new van that is much more suitable for the kids and I, as well as taking Nana and Papa and all of our visitors with us; and set up a trust fund to meet all the needs of Lily, Wyatt and myself for the future.
• The generous gifts of our friends and family are being set up into a college fund for Lily and Wyatt.
• Social Security benefits have been established for the kids and I allowing me to stay at home with Lily and Wyatt -- something that Ryan and I had desired before we ever had the twins.

Emotionally:

• Friends and family continue to support us, love us, and take care of us.
• We have had TONS of visitors, making the summer go fast.
• People who gone through grief have come into my life to help me walk this road.

As we continue to walk this road, we still need a lot of prayers. The kids do not understand why they can't go visit Daddy. This morning Lily started crying when I said that we couldn't go see Daddy. I struggle with being a single mom and making the right choices about parenting (a daunting task with two parents). Thanks for loving us through our sadness!